Waiting for the hospital to call me and inform me as to
how my son's operation had gone, I restlessly paced
the living room. I had tried to sit down and watch
television but every time I stopped moving
I felt as if I was going to disintegrate into a
pile of little pieces.
(Like what happens to a LEGO creation if dropped on
the floor after having spent hours creating it.)
As time went by and the phone remained silent
my anxiousness was quickly heading towards the ''red zone'',
that is: ''critical, bordering on falling apart''.
-Okay, that's it. I'm calling the hospital.
I need to know that my son is okay.
After much ado I was finally able to speak to
a nurse who told me that my son was ''stable''.
Since we had been told that the operation
was very serious and could potentially result
in death, quadriplegia, paraplegia and or other horrible
outcomes, ''stable'' was an unsatisfying answer but
the nurse said that she was
unable to give me any more information.
-Call back in an hour, she said and then hang up.
Three hours later I was able to find out that
my son had been moved to a ward.
I phoned the ward and was once again told that he
was stable.
Not long after finishing the conversation with the
hospital my son phoned me on my mobile and
told me that he was in pain but that he was not
a paraplegic.
I could finally sit down.
I could finally breathe.
Two days later they discharged him although
he was severely traumatized both physically and
psychologically.
Love it seems, is not so much
a feeling as it is a decision,
a choice to make.
It is now up to me to be the nurse, the doctor,
the psychologist, the parent, the friend,
the ''whatever'' that will help my son to recover.
It may require me to ''dance'' in and out
of the ''red zone'' at times,
but I know of no other power as strong
and as transformative as love,
so I choose love.
''Love is not a feeling
Love is a response.
Love is an action.''
(David Jeramiah)
about the image: water colour on paper.
My illustration of going through hard times
when one feels as if one is falling apart.
