I think I better dance now...........

As she walks up her driveway carrying bags of food

a gentle breeze ruffles her hair.

The air is crisp and she can smell autumn arriving.

She loves everything about autumn. 

The trees changing colours, the cooling breezes,

the warming glow that the sun radiates as it sets

earlier and earlier in the afternoons.

As she opens the door to her apartment she

is greeted by her cat Lucy.

With Lucy in tow she carries her bags of food

into the kitchen.

Just a minute Lucy, food is coming she says to her

cat who is already sitting neatly next to her bowl.

With Lucy feed she grabs a glass from the cupboard

and pours some white wine into it.

She takes a sip, empties a small bag of peanuts into

a bowl then walks over to the TV and turns it on.

Lucy, having finished her food jumps up on the 

couch next to her and curls into a small ball.

I probably should eat something substantial, she says 

to herself but she's not really hungry.

Surfing through the channels on the TV she

can't settle on anything. It's all too depressing

and after the day she's had today she really doesn't want

to hear any more bad news.

What's wrong with people Lucy?

Why is everyone so mean and nasty these days?

Is it really so hard to be kind and considerate?

And, and, since when is being polite a bad thing, tell

me that Lucy.

I mean, just because I'm not married and have kids

doesn't mean I matter less in the big scheme of things

does it?

I did have a plan for my life and it just didn't include

a family. Don't know why it's so hard for some

people to get that not all of us seek coupling

or to create families.

My goal was to not get married, my goal was to

fulfill my dream that I had nurtured since I was

barely five years old.

How was I to know that destiny was going to step in

and crush my dream? Suddenly she has a flashback

of the accident and she can feel her body tensing,

her heart beating furiously and tears threatening

to overcome her.

Oh, Lucy, will the pain ever go away?

As if Lucy understands her, she suddenly jumps up

and settles in her lap.

She lifts Lucy and hugs her.

I don't know why people make fun of cat lovers

Lucy, you're the best.

She gives Lucy an extra squeeze.

Lucy decides that it's time for a bit more food

and promptly jumps down off the couch and heads

 for the kitchen.

Lucy, it's time for some music.

She turns off the TV and puts a vinyl on her

record player.

She closes her eyes and lets the music wash over her.

Swaying back and forth in time with the beat

she can feel her body wanting to move.

Carefully she starts to move her legs.

It hurts. She ignores it. 

She has stepped into her time machine and 

travelled back in time to a time before the accident.

A time when both her legs worked very well indeed.

Her little apartment has become the starlit dance floor

of the Jitterbug Club.

As Benny Goodman's Sing, Sing, Sing re-energizes

and makes her feel weightless, young, and whole again,

she dances away all her pain.

''Dance is a song of the body.

Either of joy or pain.''

(Martha Graham)

about the image: charcoal and ink on brown wrapping paper

Dealing with difficult people...............

What is a difficult person?

What makes a person ''difficult''?

Is a difficult person someone who purposely sets out to be

contrary, unhelpful, and obstructive?

Someone who is bad at relating and communicating

with others?

Someone who talks but never listens, tells others

what to do but never accepts advice?

Someone who is quick to blame and criticize others but

slow to accept responsibility for their own behaviour?

Someone who is really hard to get along with?

Hmm, I wonder if not most of us at one time or another

perhaps fall into one or two of the above definitions.

Perhaps the potential for being a ''difficult person''

can be found in most humans?

To quote the Joker from Batman: ''All it takes is

one bad day to drive the sanest man(person) to lunacy.''

As the check-out girl scanned my items through I noticed

that she looked really worn out. Perhaps even sad.

Tentatively I asked her if she was okay.

-No, not really, I'm having one of those days, she answered.

I knew what she meant. 

 My kneejerk instinct was to say something comforting, something

''uplifting''. But I didn't. Instead I looked into her eyes, 

smiled and said ''I hear that''. 

She smiled back. For a split second we had an 

honest, human to human connection.

Communication, as far as I can ascertain, is a

fundamental basis for human interaction.

We do so verbally, as in intonation, pitch, volume,

 and choice of words. (Spoken or written)

Non verbally as in body language.

Those in the know suggest that although it can be

tricky to reason with difficult people there are

things we can do to better deal with difficult people.

We need to really listen because we all want to

feel heard. For progress to take place the other

person needs to feel acknowledged.

We need to stay calm.

We need to choose the words we use carefully.

A word can mean one thing to us and a totally

different thing to someone else.

We need to stay away from judging.

We don't know what the other person may be

going through. He/she may be experiencing

something really difficult.

We need to stay away from arguing or talking

on top of the other.

We need to stay true to our limits and boundaries.

 

I tried to find out if being a ''difficult'' person perhaps

is a conscious choice made at some point in time,

 but no matter how I swapped the words

around, I could not find a definitive answer. 

I mean, there was a time when the word ''difficult'' was used

for what we today call ''mental health issues''.

For example, he/she is a difficult child > may today be: he/she

is on the autism spectrum/ADHD/Aspergic AD/Oppositional

Defiant Disorder ODD/Conduct Disorder CD, etc. etc.

Not too mention how many different Mental Health Issues

that perhaps could be included under the heading of difficult adults.

Though I haven't found a definitive answer to if

people choose to be difficult, I have found that

it's seldom a good idea to try to change a person 

we consider to be difficult.

A far better and helpful method is to try and understand

where he/she is coming from and a good first step

is to listen.

''The beginning of a deeper understanding usually

begins with listening.''

(Citizen Z)

A radical idea.......

At the moment I am reading a book titled ''Humankind: A

hopeful history'' by Rutger Bergman.

''So what is this radical idea? That most people, deep

down, are pretty decent.'' He writes.

Hmm. Really?

He also writes: ''It's when crisis hits - when the bombs

fall or the floodwaters rise - that we humans become our

best selves.''

Is this author for real? By now I am starting to wonder if

I really want to continue reading the book.

I mean, is there not enough evidence for the absolute opposite?

Is it not when we are put under tremendous pressure

that we start barricading ourselves in and view everyone

that is not one of ''us'' as highly suspicious and

potentially serious enemies?

According to the author Rutger Bergman, this is not really

so, but we are trained to see selfishness everywhere,

and so we do. He suggests that we are highly influenced by

''information bias''. News, for instance, seldom has leading 

headlines beginning with: ''Good News everybody!"

Why not? Probably because the news is about the exceptional:

 disasters, uprisings, terrorist attacks, murders, wars, famines,

and all that other ''exceptional'' stuff.

In my experience, the more time I spend wading through

different news outlets/sites the more down heartened I

seem to become.

 Slowly and stealthily compassion fatigue sets in and before

long what little hope and ''can-do-attitude'' I may have

possessed gives in to cynicism and ''what's the point anyways?''

Seems to me that the News is like scratching a scab; it's

itchy so I scratch it, but when I do, the wound opens up

again and the pain comes back.

However, some time ago I found a story that I use to remind

myself that ''deep down, most people are pretty decent.''

During the Blitz in London during the second World War,

St. Paul's Cathedral somehow managed to survive.

One of the caretakers of the Cathedral remembers how

he and other caretakers used to do all they could to protect

it. 

Risking their own lives they would extinguish fires,

build supports, sandbag where ever sandbagging was needed,

tape up/cover with boards and planks precious

 stained glass windows, store away irreplaceable antiquities,

artefacts, books, hymnals, etc. etc.

Night after night, day after day, working side by side

men and women, youth and children cared for their

city under siege. Seeking refuge in bomb shelters,

in subway tunnels, they shared whatever little food, tea,

 coffee, blankets, clothing, rations, etc. etc. they had with each other.

''Keep calm and carry on'', we fight our enemy together 

their motto.

The tremendous threat upon the survival of the British people 

during the WW II has left a legacy of numerous

true stories of people behaving very decently toward

each other. 

Two aliens watch Earth from their planet.

''Look at those Earthlings how they keep fighting

and destroying each other,'' says one Alien to another.

''Yes, I know. But the minute they think that we are

about to attack them they somehow manage to

join together as One. What's up with that?'' responds the other

Alien.

''I don't know. Why don't they just stop their fighting since

they obviously know how to?''

So, why don't we?

''Human nature is complex.

Even if we do have inclinations toward violence,

we also have inclinations toward empathy,

to cooperation, to self control.''

(Steven Pinker)

Perhaps it is time for us join Rutger Bergman and

adopt his radical idea that ''deep down people

are pretty decent.''

''Comprehensive research on human behaviour

suggests that we're instinctively cooperative

and willing to act out the good of our

social groups,'' reports The Scientific American.

Or: ''We initially feel compelled in a situation to

put others before ourselves.''

Although it may be true that human nature

has a number of flaws, (and just how many there are

will be evident if you google quotes on it)

I have to note that reading Rutger Bergman's book

 ''Human kind, a hopeful history'' in which he suggests

that we toss out the ''cynic'' in exchange for a more

brave and positive stance of viewing people 

in general as pretty decent......... makes me feel a 

whole lot better and far more hopeful for the future.

about the images: Top>Boy with the Golden Heart

Edited version of original acrylic on canvas 

Middle> St. Paul's Cathedral, acrylic

on large canvas from a photo take during the Blitz

Bottom> Teddy talks.....watercolor/ink on paper