Living a small life? Change perception..........

"Our understanding is correlative to our perception." (Robert Delaunay)

A definition of perception: "the way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted." (Google)

In conversation with a friend, the term "living a small life" was used. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"What do you mean when you say you are living a small life?"

"Oh, you wouldn't understand, you are living such a large life", my friend answered.

"Please try anyway, try to explain what you mean, I would really like to try to understand", I replied.

"Well, a small life for me, is a life of predictability, clear guide lines that are followed, no major dramas, one day pretty much looks the same as the next day."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, there are good aspects to living a small life. It is definitely less stressful than having to deal with uncertainty and unpredictability all the time", she continued.

So, a small life= a predictable, stable, and "drama-less" life, and a large life= an unpredictable, uncertain, and drama-filled life?

(What about a medium-sized life? A life that has predictability but also the occasional dramas and uncertainties?)

Could it be that when my friend used the term a large life she may perhaps have been referring to people who try a lot of different things, people who take risks, people who follow their dreams, people who chose the "road less travelled", people who freely (but probably not without pockets of doubt) jump into the "unknown"? Is it possible to live a large life without having to face any number of challenges, risks, or uncertainties? I wondered.

Perhaps what one person may view as risky, another may view as possibility, what one person may view as uncertainties, another may view as opportunities, what one person may view as challenges, another may view as openings. Perceptions......

Some of us may gaze at the stars on a clear bright night and see mystery and beauty, some of us may see exploding balls of gas, some of us may hear birds singing early in the morning and feel uplifted, some of us may feel mostly annoyed, some of us may smell the fresh sea-breeze and feel invigorated, some of us may not smell it at all.....perceptions.

As you perceive it, so will it be.........

If we perceive ourselves to be living small lives, but we would rather live large ones, then perhaps a good starting point may be to ask ourselves what we could do/change to make our lives "larger" (as defined by you) ?

If on the other hand we perceive ourselves to be living large lives, but would rather live smaller lives, then perhaps a good starting point may be to ask ourselves what we could do/change to make our lives "smaller" (as defined by you) ?

In the car on the way to a seminar with a friend, I asked him how big he thought the universe is.  He remained quiet for quite some time and then he answered: "Big? Hmmm....don't think that the term "big" works for the universe. Compared to what?  A finite universe has a finite size that can be measured; this would be the case in a closed spherical universe. But an infinite universe has no size by definition." (Think he got this from Wikipedia)

"Wow", I answered, stumped.

"If you mean, what is my perception of the universe, then my answer is that I don't know. Just entertaining the notion of something endless, limitless, infinite, makes my head spin. Although, it also fills me with awe and a desire to know more."

(His answer stayed with me all through the seminar. It piqued my own interest, so much so, that on the way home from the seminar I stopped at my local library and took out fair few books on the subject.)

Can the terms big or small really be applied to a life? The lives we live, perhaps they are our own "universe's"? Perhaps not endless or infinite, but perhaps full of limitless possibilities?

As you perceive it, so will it be........

 

"Old Newtonian physics claimed that things have an objective reality separate from our perception of them. Quantum physics, and particularly Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, reveal that, as our perception of an object changes, the object itself literally changes." (Marianne Williamson)



The problem of family ties.....how to untangle...

Sometimes I ask people for a subject to write about on this blog. When I asked my sister, she suggested that I write about "Family Ties". (In general, not the TV show.)

Hmmm...I thought...a complex subject, but, I have decided to have a go nonetheless.

First, I asked myself why it is such a complex subject, although, for some of us perhaps it may not be viewed as complex at all.

“There’s nothing that makes you more insane than family. Or more happy. Or more exasperated. Or more… secure.” (Jim Butcher)

Then I asked myself what exactly is a family?

The Free dictionary: "A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children."

Merriam-Webster Free dictionary: "a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : household."

Hmm...I think I need to broaden the definition some what: "a body/group of people who have a close relationship". (Through blood, but perhaps also through interests, hobbies, passions, work, sports, and so on.)

It seems to me that there are many different kinds of families, but whatever the configuration may be of what we deem to be our family, may I suggest that most of us have a number of expectations of how the people in the family we belong to should (or we may want to) behave.

Throughout our lives, we develop values, beliefs, and attitudes in response to our experiences of life and living. Our biological/nurturing family, our friends, the community in which we live, the schools we attend, all contribute in influencing how we view the world and the sense/opinion we have of ourselves.

In many families, loyalty and trust are often regarded as two very important values, along with support, (of all different kinds; emotional, financial, etc..) positive regard, and a commitment to sustaining the relationship/family. ("A ‘value’ is commonly formed by a particular belief that is related to the worth of an idea or type of behaviour.")

When a member of a family who for instance holds loyalty as a premium value fails to live up to it (as viewed by other members) complexities set in. ("He/she let us down, knowing how important loyalty is to the family. Why did he/she do this?) Along with the values a family may live by, the individual members also have their own values outside of the family to contend with.

Example: "My family has always voted for Party X, but I want to vote for Party Z, because I believe in their policies." "My family are all Catholics, but I am an atheist and don't believe in God."

"Should I be loyal to my family, or to my own values and beliefs?"

A dilemma. One of many a family member may encounter.

"I love my family, but I have different views, I want to live up to their expectations, but I also want to follow my own path, I want to trust that they have my best at heart, but I am not sure they really know what that is, I want to be there for my folks, but I also want to see the world, I want to be supportive, but I don't support all they do or stand for" et cetera.

Complicated. Enter expectations. "As their child (member of the family), I expect them to love me, to support me, to be loyal to me, to help me when I need help, and to trust me, because I know they expect that from me."

On the other hand, our expectations may go like this: "They were never there for me, so they should not expect me to be there for them, they never supported me, so they should not expect me to support them, they never showed me any real love, so they should not expect me to show them love, they never trusted in me, so they should not expect me to put any trust in them", and so on.

The thing with expectations is that they are very often not spoken, rather, often assumed.

It can be very confrontational and emotionally harrowing to ask those we love and have a relationship with, what they expect from us and what we expect from them.

So we get tangled up and it can be very hard to know where to start to untangle.

Perhaps a good place to begin is to ask ourselves "what exactly are my expectations of my family, how fair or real are they, and can I change them in any way so that I may become less entangled and more autonomous in my relationship with my family?"

(As long as we hold on to our entanglements, we can not free ourselves from them.)

Families of any kind are complex, human beings are complex, and one may easily conclude that so must any answer be to the question of how to begin to untangle.

But what if it isn't?

What if the answer of how to begin to untangle is as simple as to ask oneself: "what can I change about me that will affect a positive (life affirming) change to my family relationships?"

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." (George Bernard Shaw)

"It only takes one person to change your life: You" (Ruth Casey)

 

"Love is what is left in a relationship when the selfishness is taken out."

(Nick Richardson)

Are you the "hunter" or the "hunted"?...The story of the silver horse...

He had been chasing the silver horse for weeks, but somehow it always managed get away. It was like the horse knew that he was hunting him. What exactly it was about the horse that irritated him so much, he wasn't sure.

Perhaps it was that the horse seemed so confident in his stride, so free, so reluctant, and so resistant to behaving like the rest of the horses?

What made him so damn special that he should act as if the rules of how to behave didn't apply to him, after all, he was just a horse. Boy, that horse really annoyed him.

When the silver horse was around the other horses, they seemed to change. Like his free spiritedness encouraged the others to behave like him. "Well, that's not acceptable", he thought, all the horses had jobs to do, running free was not an option.

Although, sometimes when he had been watching the silver horse gallop across the open fields, there was something beautiful and invigorating about it. One night, after following

the horse through the fields, and the forests, the horse took him up to the top of a mountain. He was hiding in the bushes, trying to get a clear shot, when another horse suddenly appeared. The other horse was black as the night, its coat glistening in the moonlight, and side by side, the silver horse and the black stallion, had made such an impression on him that felt awestruck. He had put down the rifle.

"Well, not this time", he thought, "the silver horse is far too independent and free spirited, he influences the other horses to become difficult to handle, so, he has to go."

The silver horse, standing still with his back turned, suddenly turns his head around and looks straight at him then lets out a loud scream.

The sound of the scream is so unexpected and so filled with pain, that he drops the rifle.

His hands are shaking, his heart pounding, and he can hardly breathe.

"Get yourself together man", he tells himself as bends down to pick up the rifle.

As he checks to see if there is any damage to the rifle, he realises that he is not alone.

He turns around and behind him, stands the silver horse.

The horse looks right at him.

This close to the horse, the horse seems much bigger and there is an air about it.

He carefully slings the rifle over his shoulder then stands absolutely still.

The silver horse walks toward him then stops barely two feet away from him.

The horse is close enough for him to touch.

With eyes locked, for minutes they stare at each other, then as if in a trance, he stretches out his hand and gently strokes the silver horse's muzzle.

The horse lets him.

The minute his fingers feels the softness of the muzzle, something strange happens to him. He feels a connection. Thoughts rush through him, thoughts long forgotten.

He had once been a free spirited, independent, and inquisitive person, but somewhere along the journey of life, he has lost that part of himself.

Looking into the eyes of the silver horse and touching him, it all comes flooding back.

He is at a crossroads.

 

What happens next is up to you.

What would you do?



Death....just another beginning?

 

What if death is not The End,

rather,

just another beginning?

 

Nothing stays the same

everything must change,

so nature seems to tell us,

regardless of our fuss.

 

To become a flower,

the seed must die,

to become a butterfly,

the cocoon left behind.

 

Winter must give way to spring,

summer to fall,

rain to sunshine,

stillness to squalls.

 

A single note can become the beginning of a symphony,

a single word the beginning of great poetry,

a single brush stroke the beginning of a masterpiece,

a gently spoken word, the beginning of peace.

 

When the symphony ends, it does not disappear,

it becomes a musical experience, year after year.

The words of the poet do not die,

on the pages, they remain alive.

 After the master painter has passed away,

his art lives on, when on display.

Words of peace, gently spoken

 linger in hearts, hearts opened. 

 

Beginnings and endings, and all in between,

when we die what will happen,

we cannot know, only believe.