If a fly on the wall could speak.......

 "Oh, I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that...."....a common expression. What if flies could read and write and write down their observations in a book for us to read?

What would be their observations of human beings?

"Testaments according to the Flies On The Wall", entry 342617, as observed by Buzz.

Humans, when in groups, often behave differently then when they are alone, and when there is a multitude of them congregated, it can be difficult to ascertain what the outcome of such will be.
These are my observations of five different human groupings.

Sports. Human beings take this very seriously, so seriously that at times sports arenas can become "battle fields". I have observed occasions when the mood of a crowd has rapidly changed from an atmosphere of joy and conviviality, to that of anger and seething hostility in the blink of an eye. My observation is that humans don't like their teams(tribe) to lose, they seem to invest so much of their own emotions into their teams that they take it very personally when or if, their teams lose. I have also observed that this seems to happen mostly when teams are involved, when the sport involves individuals competing, this seems not to be the case. 

School yards. My observation of school yards is that they too can be likened to "battle fields". There are different "tribes" and each tribe seem to have very specific rules as to what is acceptable or not in order to belong to each tribe. Taste in clothes and music, length and style of hair, interests and social background/status, seem to be very important for each tribe. These tribes seem to keep their distance from each other although occasionally there seem to be altercations between them. Note worthy here is that in the school yard, there often seem to be individuals who don't seem to belong to a tribe but spend their free time at school on their own. If this is by choice or not, I don't know.

Interest groups. My observation of Interest groups is that it consists of a group of humans who together seek to change something, they share goals and aspirations, and often seem to support and encourage each other. For this group, taste in clothes and music, length and style of hair, social background and or status seems to be of little importance. What seems to be important, judging by  my observations, seem to be to be both a strong individual and a "team" member.

A Mob. My observation of a mob, is that a mob is a congregation/crowd of humans who are discontent with something and gather together to voice their opinion. My observation is that discontent is what seems to motivate and drive mobs. Often rioting, looting, property damage and other forms of destruction, follow in its wake.

Humans seem to prefer to belong to one or another kind of group, but the most important group of them all, seem to be the one they call "family".
I have saved my observations of this group to be the last of my observations, because this seem to me to be the most mystifying and complicated of the groups I observed.
There seem to be many configurations of what humans call a family but the most common seem to be: a mother figure, a father figure, and one or more children.
My observation of different families is that there seem to be quite distinctive roles that applies to a family's dynamics: the adult humans (mother/father figures) are the decision makers, and the children are to go along with the decisions until they are deemed as "adults".
I observed families in which the driving force seemed to be love and tenderness, mutual respect and togetherness. And that togetherness seemed to be reinforced every time the family members congregated. Although the parents were the decision makers, they took the time to listen to their children's wishes.
I also observed families in which there seemed to be little togetherness, rather, each member seemed to do their "own thing" (a common human expression) and if they congregated, it seemed as if it was
more by accident than by choice. The parents were the decision makers and their decisions were non-negotiable, regardless of any protestations by the children.
The dynamics within the different kinds of families were at times perplexing, and among the most perplexing, were the "machine" families, and with "machine" I mean families who seemed to be run like "well-oiled machines". Every member in this kind of family had a very specific role to fill, each one had a specific schedule to follow, each one had specific tasks to be performed each day, each one had expectations to fulfill, like cogs in a machine each one of them had to stick to their specifications or the machine would stop working.
If the dynamics in a "machine" family are very specific, in a "dysfunctional" family, (and this seems to be a rather common kind of family grouping) the opposite seem to be the case. My observation of a dysfunctional family is that in a dysfunctional family, boundaries seem to often be ignored and or dis-respected, there is often conflict, misunderstanding, and a lack of togetherness in this kind of family grouping. Often one (or two) of the family members will take on the role of trying to hold the family together by being the peace keeper(s),  but more often than not, this seems to be at the detriment of that member's own well-being.
As an observer, it is hard to really understand this need humans seem to have of belonging, because even though they seem to put much value in belonging, they also seem to put much value in being separate, self-sufficient, and highly functioning individuals. As an observer, I can't help but wonder if it could not be possible for humans to be both; and with that I mean; to be a separate, highly functioning individual, who also belongs to a family and or a group?
I have observed individuals who behave one way in his/her family group, and totally different in another group setting. I have observed humans who seem to find strength in their own company, but who seem to have trouble with fitting in with a group. I have observed humans who seem to struggle with their own company but gain strength from being a part of a group.

Conclusion: Human groupings are very complex, and hard to understand. Human beings are very complex, and hard to understand, and yet, there is no denying, .....observing the human species is something I find highly entertaining. It is an enigmatic species, wrapped in a coat of mystery, and more often than not, stuck in it's self-made paradox.
Buzz

The benefit of having dreams and aspirations....

Do you have a dream? Or, did you have a dream? And what I mean here with "dream" is obviously not our nocturnal journeys set in the subconscious, but rather, dreams as in aspirations.

Four nervous boys stepped on to the "America's got Talent" stage. Simon Cowell asked them where they were from, and one of the boys responded: "Atlanta, Georgia". "Why are you here?" asked Simon. The boy answered: "I was born very poor, my mother, me and my three brothers and sisters grew up in a one bedroom shack on the outskirts of Atlanta. I love music, I am passionate about it, and although I was born in to a choke-hold, that don't mean I have to stay there."

There are a number of sayings about where and how we are/were born: "he was was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, she was born on the wrong side of the tracks, he was born with a stick up his butt, she was born with a chip on her shoulder, etc.etc." I have to admit, I have never heard the expression "born in to a choke-hold" before, but it instantly triggered my imagination.

Born in to a choke-hold? I could think of a number of different situations that could perhaps be defined as choke-holds such as: poverty, abuse, famine, war, genetically inherited illnesses, parents with mental illnesses, parents with addictions, all manners of body issues such as blindness, deafness, etc.etc. 

But it was what the boy said after "choke-hold" that really grabbed my attention...."that don't mean I have to stay there". (Oh, by the way, the boys succeeded to get through to the next round, they sang up a storm and the audience as well as the judges loved their performance.)

There are millions of babies born in to choke-holds every day, some overcome those choke-holds as they grow up, but some, for a myriad of reasons, ... don't.

This is where having a dream can come in handy in my view. Envisaging in one's "mind's eye" the possibility of breaking free from any kind of a choke-hold, seeing the future as full of opportunities, possibilities, and potentials rather than that of pitfalls, obstacles, and dead-ends, can be very empowering. These dreams do not necessarily have to be "big" ones such as for instance: becoming the president of a country or a multi-million dollar corporation, invent a cure for all cancers, design a quantum computer smaller than a match-box, etc.etc. they can be smaller: to find a good job, to get a collage degree, to learn a new language, travel, raise a functional family, etc.etc.

Many of us, when faced with difficulties and hardships, often find ourselves getting stuck in a loop of thoughts regurgitating all the things we can't do rather than focusing on what we can do.

As far back as I can remember, my dream has been to become a professional musician and composer. My aspiration was not to become rich or famous, rather, it was to be able to play and compose beautiful music that people could connect with. When I was 15 years old, I did a sort of a piano audition for a man who was a flautist of some re-known. Very matter of fact, he told me that I was un-talented and did not have what it takes to become a professional musician, little less a composer. My heart sank as he said those words and I felt crushed to the very core of my heart and soul. Well, for a few hours that is....however, my dream was much stronger than his words. I disregarded his words, and followed my dream. I became a professional musician and composer, and when my son was still very young I fulfilled my ultimate dream: to perform my own jazz compositions in the USA with some of the jazz greats.

There are many wonderful aspects to having dreams/aspirations: it can provide focus, motivation, determination, tenacity,  assist us to be forward-looking, solution seeking, and experience a deep sense of purpose and meaning to our existence. 

Our aspirations may be more of a day-to-day kind: "today I will not sweat the small stuff, today I will be more compassionate, today I will be more patient, today I will focus on what is good in my life, today I will focus on the things I can do rather than what I can't do, etc.etc."

How we feel, is often the result of our thoughts, so if we want to change how we feel, a good place to begin is to change our thoughts. 

"What if I don't have a dream or aspirations, what then?" you may ask.

Is there something you would like to achieve, something you would like to change, something you would like to learn more about, something you aspire to? Spend a little time thinking on those things and you may discover that you do have some aspirations....and perhaps even dreams.

Most kids have "dreams", and if a child is asked: "if one dream that you have could come true, what would that be?" more often than not, there will be an answer.

Personally, I believe that no matter what age, having dreams and aspirations can be very beneficial to our well being. Why? Because they offer a sense of purpose and meaning to our lives.

"Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams.

Think not about your frustrations but your unfulfilled potential.

Concern yourself not with what you've tried and failed in,

but with what it is still possible for you to do." (Pope John XXIII)

Are we on the verge of a new cold war?...........

In 1945 the WWII ended, but it was sadly also the beginning of another war; The Cold War.

In 1949, a movie titled "The Third Man" was released. It was a British film Noir, directed by Carol Reed, and written by Graham Green. Acting in it; among other greats; was Orson Wells (depicted in the image), and the story: Pulp novelist Holly Martins travels to a shadowy, postwar Vienna, only to find himself investigating the mysterious death of an old friend, Harry Lime. The movie is full of conspiracy theories, mystery and full-blown suspicious-ness toward everything and everyone.

This image, a poster for the movie, (although I have changed the text from German to English for the purpose of this post) was one of the posters I made for an Exhibition titled: "Cinefiend, a tribute to movie poster art".

The Cold War era some say began in 1945 and ended 1991, but considering what is happening right now with so many countries poised and armed with nuclear weapons stomping at the bit, I can't help but wonder if we are not now entering another Cold War era.

Why was it called the Cold War? In an essay titled "You and the atomic bomb" written by George Orwell and published in 1945 in the British newspaper "Tribune", he allegedly first used the term "cold war". In the essay Orwell contemplates "living in the shadow of the threat of nuclear warfare" referring to such as "living in a permanent state of a cold war with one's neighbours".

As if life is not difficult enough for many of us, it seems as if those in power now see fit to add the fear of a nuclear war to it, I mean, really?! Poverty, starvation, millions of people facing incredible difficulties and hardships due to having had to flee their war torn countries, etc.etc. was not enough? 

Massive un-employment, factory shut-downs, rising numbers of people losing their homes, governments squabbling over issues without finding any solutions, an increasing level of in-equality between the "haves" and "have not's",  such realities are not as important as who has the most or biggest bombs?  At this point in time, considering the posturing by a a number of world leaders, I can't help but wonder if they have learned nothing from the bomb blasts in Nagasaki and Hiroshima.

We; mankind; are doing a brilliant job at slowly destroying the very planet we are living on, a planet that has and still do provide us with so much, and yet, having no evidence that another planet just like Earth exists, some of us are still behaving as if there is one.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil, is for good people to do nothing", suggested Edmund Burke. For some of us the words "good" and "evil" may stick in our craw, so let me re-phrase: "All that is necessary for adverse/disastrous/terrible events to take place, is for people who knows about such, deem such as un-acceptable, yet chose to do nothing."

I am what they call a "baby-boomer", which means that "living in the shadow of the threat of nuclear warfare" is a shadow that has loomed large over me for most of my life. As a teenager, and through my early twenties, I used to take part in protest marches against Nuclear armament. We believed that if enough of us united in protest against the use of nuclear weapons, we would be able to make those in power take notice and hopefully rethink the use of them. And now....? There are so many adverse/disastrous/terrible events taking place across the globe it can be hard to know where to begin...., but, of all the threats against earth and her/its inhabitants/life forms (ALL, from the largest to the  microscopic ones) in my view, the threat of a nuclear war tops them all.

So what can we do about it?

Like in the 1960's, we can make our voices heard and with the help of technology we can organise protest marches world wide in a few hours. We can contact politicians, or other government officials both federally and locally, we can blog, we can Facebook, we can make flyers, etc.etc.....we can care and find some small way in which we can do something that supports peace and the well being of our planet.

"The human race cannot coexist with nuclear weapons." (Iccho Itho)

"It is my firm belief that the infinite and uncontrollable fury of nuclear weapons should never be held in the hands of any mere mortal ever again, for any reason."  (Mikhail Gorbachev)

How many band-aids will it take to make the world a better place?

-Mommy, how many band-aids will it take to mend the world?

The mother looks at her little girl lost for words.

-What do you mean Lisa?

-When I hurt myself you always put a band-aid on it.

-That's true Lisa, I do, but what makes you think that the world needs a band-aid?

The little girl walks to the living room table, grabs the remote control and turns on the television.

-Look! she says as she flicks through one channel after the other.

-Look mommy, look at all the hurt. The animals are hurting, the fishes are hurting, people are hurting, everywhere you look there is hurt. Why is there so much hurt?

The mother looks at the screen as one devastating image after the other flicks by. It's true, she thinks to herself, there seem to be a lot of hurt in the world. I don't think I have really considered what effect all these images cascading off the screen may have on Lisa, or children in general.

-That is a very difficult question to answer Lisa, it is complicated. 

-Try Mommy, try to answer it, because seeing all the hurt makes me feel a bit sad, and I don't like feeling sad.

-Lisa, can you turn off the television please, and then we'll go into the kitchen, sit down and have a glass of juice and talk about it, okay?

-Okay, Mommy. 

They walk into the kitchen, the mother pours them both a glass of juice and they both sit down at the kitchen table.

-Lisa, you have asked a very important question, and to tell you the truth, I would also like to know why there is so much hurt in the world, you see, I too have wondered about that since I was a little girl. 

-Did you find the answer, Mommy?

-I have found a few answers, but every time I find an answer I also seem to find a new question. 

-What do you mean Mommy?

-You know how sometimes your friend Sally is nice to you and sometimes she is mean?

-Yeah, I don't understand why she can't be nice all the time.

-Good question Lisa, why can't she be nice all the time?

-I dunno, maybe she is just a mean person?

-Well, if the answer is that she is a mean person, then why is she so nice sometimes? See what I mean, once you have an answer, next minute a new question comes along.

Lisa takes a sip of juice, looks at her mother with a serious look on her face then asks: -Mom, are there people who are always nice and never mean? Are there people who never hurt other people? Are there people who are always nice to animals? Are there people who helps the world to be a good place?

How on earth do I answer those questions, the mother thinks to herself. 

-I don't know for sure Lisa, but I hope so. I know that there are many people who try their best to be nice to others and not hurt them, I know that there are people who work very hard on protecting and helping animals, I know that there are people who work very hard at looking after the health of our planet, and I know that there are people who are dedicated to teaching people how to be good to all living things.

-I wanna be one of those people Mommy. They help taking the hurt away.

Suddenly there is a big smile on Lisa's face. -Mommy, those people are like band-aids!!

Lisa suddenly hops off her chair and starts dancing and jumping around the kitchen.

-Look at me Mommy, I am a living band-aid!!!

Suddenly she stops.

-Mommy, how many band-aids will it take to make the world all better?

"You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals. To that end, each of us must work for his/her improvement and, at the same time, share a general responsibility for all humanity, our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful."

(Marie Curie)

Life is difficult.....keeping your heart golden

"Life is difficult" ...are the first words M. Scott Peck writes in his book titled "A Road less Traveled".

Finally!!, I thought when I read those words, someone who says it like it is.

Barely eight years old, at school he is told

he's much too soft, don't belong in the fold.

Yet he hides his tears and swallows his fears

because this very boy, has a heart of pure gold.

Barely seven years old, at school she is told,

she is much too small, don't belong in the fold.

Yet she swallows her tears and hides her fears

because this very girl, has a heart of pure gold.

Now seventeen, a tall young boy by others is told,

he is much too weird, don't belong in the fold.

But the taunts of his peers, he no longer hears

because this very boy, has a heart of pure gold.

Now a young woman, by others she's told

she should be more girlie to fit in the fold.

But the taunts of her peers, she no longer hears

because this very girl, has a heart of pure gold.

To remain golden is not an easy path to take

it is a conscious decision for us all to make.

(Citizen Z)

“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”  (M. Scott Peck)

Reaching out to others.....the power of music

Finally, the letter arrived.

I ripped open the envelope.

"We are happy to inform you that you have been accepted..........."

As I stared at those words, I knew that my life was about to change.

My journey as musician was to begin. But before the journey could begin, I had to get through summer.

What was I to do to pass the time? I decided to try to get some kind of job, which wasn't going to be easy since I had just finished high school and had no qualifications. 

I tried a long shot. I asked someone I knew who was the head psychiatrist at an institution not far from where I lived, if she thought that there was a possibility for me to get a job there as some kind of "music therapist". Luckily for me, she was open to putting me on as an "experiment", although I was very young and had no formal training. "What will you do?" she asked then continued "do you have a plan?" "I will endeavor to reach people with the help of music, I will use music as a tool to communicate with the patients you assign to me" I answered. She wrote down some names on a piece of paper and handed it to me. "The wards are written next to their names, so go to the wards, ask for the head nurses and they will take you to the patients I have assigned, good luck" and with those words our meeting was over. I stepped out of her office and into the bright sunlight. What I didn't know at that stage was how incredibly challenging, scary and confronting the next three months was going to be.

The next morning, armed with a number of vinyl records, cassette tapes and a bunch of percussion instruments, I went to the ward D to meet my first patient. A large woman, dressed in a pale blue nurse's uniform greeted me with a few polite words, a smirk on her face and then took me to meet my "student". Standing in front of a steel-enforced white door, she pulled out a key, unlocked the door, and then walked away. Once my eyes had adjusted to the darkened room and I could see, what I saw sent shivers up and down my spine. In the middle of the room was a cage, barely big enough for a dog, even less so for a human being, but in the middle of that cage, there was a boy barely a teenager sitting in a hunched up position, rocking back and forth. Suddenly the half-closed door to the room flung fully opened and another nurse entered the room with another key in her hand. She walked over to the cage, unlocked a padlock, pulled the boy by one arm and dragged him whimpering out of the cage. I was speechless.

"Here" she said " is your student". Student? I looked at the boy squatting on the floor, covered in filth and rocking back and forth. "Oh, by the way, he can't walk properly so he crawls on all fours" said the nurse. "No wonder" I thought, the cage was so low that even if he had wanted to stand up, or walk, it wouldn't have been possible. The nurse dragged the boy to the "recreation room", I followed, and once we were both inside the room, the nurse said "good luck, and.. by the way, watch out, sometimes he lashes out and that's why we keep him in the cage". She left, closed the door behind her then locked it. Student 1. John.

Student 2. His name was Bernie and he had been a patient at the institution for most of his life. He suffered with "water on the brain" aka Hydrocephalus and was confined to a wheelchair. He hardly ever spoke but often smiled and seemed to enjoy listening to music.

Student 3. A 13 year old androgynous boy, well, he viewed himself as a boy. He called himself Eric and was full of mischief and joy.

Student 4. Another teenager, Sam, suffering with severe autism. Never spoke, avoided all eye contact, even with his parents who visited him everyday the first 10 years of his life, then less and less, and when I met him, his parents had not been to visit him in 6 years. 

Student 5. "Sugartop". The first time I met Sugartop was very confronting. Sugartop had no arms, no legs, just a torso and a head, a head shaped like a sugartop and without a skull to protect his brain. But, he could hear, and he could see, so I was told.

Student 6. Theodora. A young, vivacious girl about 14 years old. She was brought to the institution as a mere baby by someone who had found her wrapped in newspaper on the steps of a church in a small Greek village. No one in the village wanted anything to do with her, so the Swedish couple who had found her, brought her to Sweden and handed her over to the institution. At the institution they established that she had a rare form of iodine deficiency that had affected her intellect, but she was still able to do many things and she loved music.

On the way home that first day, having been introduced to my students, I cried. I was angry, bewildered, confused, sad, and felt that I was totally out of my depth. But I knew one thing; music is a universal language that needs no words, it can heal, it can comfort, and it can build a bridge between hearts.

During my third "lesson" with John (student 1.), he suddenly shot up from the floor, stood up and pulled everything off the shelves in the recreation room. Screaming, he went on a "smashing everything" rampage and then, seemingly out of nowhere, he suddenly grabbed my hair. John pulled my hair so hard it brought tears to my eyes but something inside of me told me to not retaliate, rather, to stay absolutely still. 

Staying absolutely still, strangely calmed John, he stopped pulling, and slowly he began to loosen his grip of my hair. Finally he let go altogether and sat down on the floor next to me. In hindsight, what I did next may seem a bit cheesy, but it brought about a change in John that I would never have anticipated, I said; "John, even if you destroy every thing in this room, you can't destroy the love I feel for you". I had no idea if he understood me since he never spoke, but from that moment on, all our music lessons were peaceful ones.....

Bernie, student 2. was a delight to be with although he never spoke either, but he would shake a maraca, hum along with the music, and dance as best he could in his wheelchair. During my last lesson with Bernie, in the middle of listening to Janis Joplin, he suddenly wheeled his chair really close to me and whispered: "Everyone in here thinks that I can't speak and that I don't understand much, but I do, I only pretend that I don't because if they knew just how much I understand of everything, they would move me somewhere else, and I don't want that, this is my home."

Eric, student 3. learnt to play the recorder, shake the maracas in time and "dance", well, what he called dancing anyway.

Student 4. Sam....now, what happened with him is almost unbelievable although with the information and knowledge we have today about autism, perhaps not so much. What I discovered during my lessons with Sam was that he was a "savant", a musical genius. While listening to Dvorak's "New World Symphony" I asked Sam if he could sing along with the viola part, and without any hesitation he did, and the reason that I know that he did so correctly is that I had the music score in my hand.

Student 5. Sugartop. I still have flashback of him laying in his bed, like a babe in swaddling. I have no idea if the music I played for him ever connected, but I hope so.

Student 6. The lovely Theodora. She used to whiz around the grounds at the institution on her bicycle, ringing her bell, laughing and singing. In the big hall where they used to show movies every Friday night, they had an upright piano that I used when I taught Theodora. I would play all sorts of pieces, classical, blues, jazz, and she would ride her bike around and around in the hall while I was playing, shrieking with delight. One day I called her over to the piano and asked her: "Do you want to hear angels?"

"Yes, yes, play angels" she answered. If you press and hold the sustain pedal on a piano and quickly pull your hands back and forth over the black keys, it sounds (with imagination) like "angels" to some of us. Theodora watched for a minute as I played "angels" then resolutely she jumped back on her bicycle and off she went again while shouting: "More, more, play more angels!!" From then on, angels was all she wanted me to play.

I spent three months at Carlslund (the name of the institution) and what I experienced there made a huge impact on me. By the time it was time for me to start music school, I had caught a glimpse of just how powerful a form of communication music can be. 

"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent". 

(Victor Hugo)

Ps: this story may seem fantastical and untrue, but I can assure you, it is true.

If mankind looked at itself in the mirror, what would it see?

If mankind took a close look at itself, what would it see?

Would it see a species capable of acts of kindness and generosities

or a species capable of devastating destruction and atrocities?

Would it see a species forever curious and full of imagination

or a species inhibited by fears and lingering bouts of superstition?

Would it see a species embracing its fellow creatures big and small

or a species who uses, abuses, and takes advantage of them all?

Would it see a species who values, treasures what mother nature provides

or a species who takes it all for granted regardless of its supply?

Would it see a species driven by love, tolerance and compassion,

or a species caught up by greed, selfishness and dispassion?

Would it see a species that encourages new ways of thinking

or a species that fears what such might be bringing?

Would it see a species who is inventive and full of potential

or a species much more at ease in being one-dimensional?

Mankind; a mysterious species, 

a riddle, a maze, 

a puzzle missing pieces.

Flawed yet somehow endearing,

anxious yet persevering,

Imaginative, intuitive, 

 visionary,

  reactionary.

Capable, culpable,

dysfunctional, combustible,

unflappable, unstoppable,

but apart from all of that,

quite lovable.

Mankind; a singular term for a multitude of unique human beings,

each and every one of us with the power to determine what kind of representatives we want to be for our species.

"Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind." (John F. Kennedy)