This post is about........well, read it and find out

Although I have never really put in to words, and

I'm not even sure that I can put in to words, what

happens when suddenly an artistic idea shows up and

demands attention..........yet, I am going to try...... later.

There have been times in my life when I have

experienced events that no matter how hard

I have tried to find logical and reasonable

explanations for those events, I've come up short.

Some things, I have concluded, belong in the

inexplicable category/box.

Ever since my son was born he has

had health issues. The number of times I

have had to rush him to the Emergency

department are far too many to remember

and far too upsetting. Sitting alone at all hours

of the night on a hard plastic chair in an eerily

quiet hospital, slowly sipping bitter cold coffee 

from a flimsy paper cup while waiting for the

doctor to bring good news....that, in my

view, can make even a hard man humble.

In this last year my son has undergone life-threatening

surgery on his neck and radiation on his skull-

base with resulting blinding head-aches and

excruciating pain down the left side

of his body for which there is no effective

pain killer. Well, none that will not turn

him into a drug addict. These days

I have much practice with hospitals.

My brother and father both spent two years on and off 

in hospitals before they died.

Having lost my brother(14) when I was

 very young(12), I decided early that

if there was any God or angels of some sort,

they weren't listening.

Although I did have a taste of the UnKnowable

for a spell, I couldn't in the end accept

that any entity accepting the level

of cruelty, poverty and despair that so

many innocent humans must endure

is worth my belief.

I'm thinking that perhaps some of you who

visit this site now and then, may just

like me know what it is like to have

to deal with loss, to constantly feel

that you are cradling a small lit candle.

This, while in the midst of a darkness 

so thick that it is threatening to extinguish

your tiny but steadfast little flame.

I don't know about you, but I rather

be a candle than curse the darkness.

I rather believe in hope and possibilities

than argue about angels, gods or other divinities.

I rather set aside some time for a friend in need

than spend hours watching people flaunting their greed.

I rather seek to learn and further my understanding

than to follow any fashion or any popular branding.

I rather try to be open minded, non-judgmental and really kind

than being scared of change, of the uncertain, or by

others to be defined.

(Citizen Z)

Sometimes when I sit down to write a post,

actually, most of the time, I don't have a topic.

I turn on the computer, turn on some music,

which often is mostly instrumental, and then stare 

at the blinking cursor on the screen and wait.

Sometimes I go through my art works and

look for inspiration. Sometimes I get inspired

to make a new work so I grab some paper

pen/brushes/anything else.

Sometimes I take an old piece and totally

rework it in Elements.

Let me tell you about todays image.

(It was called ''Human Angel'' but it

looked nothing like it does now.)

I decided to just improvise with all the different

tools available in Elements.

I didn't have anything in mind but just

started to try things all over the image.

Suddenly the program jammed and I couldn't

do anything. The little thingy that spins to

tell you that it's doing stuff just..... kept spinning.

I decided to made coffee.

Coffee in hand, I sat down at the computer

again and looked at the screen.

GREAT SCOTT!!!!! Holy Sh**!!

There it was.

All I had to do was add the eyes, the nose

and mouth.

My son is the skull expert so I

instantly showed it to him.

He liked it. Awesome! My first ever skull 

painting.

I wanted to put on some text so with

a bit of imagination I do believe it's possible to see

some lines that could perhaps be .... wings ?

Anyway, the original painting is a large

canvas painted with acrylics.

Edited in Elements although I have no

clue really what I did except for

''a bunch of stuff''.

I had an artistic idea.

''There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle

or the mirror that reflects it.''

(Edith Wharton)

Feeling invisible is tough but very common............

It started with my phone deciding to have an

attitude.

It would decide when and for how long my

conversations or texts should be.

It would decide when the camera should be

turned on or off.

It decided when an alarm should go off

and stir me into action.

It, .... was the boss of me.

I decided that its reign of terror should

cease. I, was going to put the bossy-boots

to sleep.

Armed with money enough to purchase a new mobile

(cell) phone I set off for the nearest shopping

center.

Having concluded that any sort of iPhone was 

well out of my price range, I decided to try my

luck in the Samsung shop.

-Hey, how can I help you? asked the friendly

fresh faced young woman in the shop.

She had a really nice vibe about her and

seemed very approachable which made me

feel a bit less stressed about buying a new phone.

-Well, the time has come for me to buy a new

phone because this one(I handed her my old

phone) has developed an attitude with me, I said

and smiled. 

-What does it do? she asked quizzically.

-It thinks it's the boss of me so now

I'm putting it to sleep, I declared.

After I had told her my price range she showed

me a few different options.

Including one which was on special and actually

left me with a spare $150 dollars!

-Sold, I said. I'll have that one. 

-Great, she answered. She then took my old phone

and placed it next to the new one.

-I can transfer all your data from your old

one to the new one but it will take a little

bit of time. That okay with you?

-Absolutely, I answered and made myself comfy

in one of the customer chairs.

Fifteen minutes later I walked away with my

new phone in hand and the old obstinate

old one in the bottom of my bag.

Deciding that I needed a new cover

I stopped at a shop selling millions!

(well, not really) of different covers.

For some unknown reason the seller

decided to sell a $30 cover to me for $20.

Huh! Nice! I still have $130 dollars left.

Feeling good that I had saved some money

I walked to the car and pulled the car key

out of my pocket.

Next minute what once was a car key was now

lots of little pieces on the ground. Hence,

........ I could not unlock my car.

Back into the shopping center.

This time straight to Mister Minit.

-How much!!? I asked.

A hundred dollars. Geez.

That's an expensive car key.

Well, it had to be done. I gave the Mister Minit

man what was left of my old key.

 He told me it would take

fifteen minutes.

I decided to use the time to get something

to eat.

A veggie kebab. Good. Healthy.

I walked back to the Mister Minit shop

to eat my food sitting down on a bench nearby.

Sitting on the bench was a young girl.

I asked if it was okay for me to sit down

next to her. She nodded yes.

Sometimes, not very often, something

inside of me can sense hidden or suppressed

feelings in people I don't even know.

(Believe me, when this happens it freaks

me out and I just want to get away.)

But, sitting there on the bench with this girl,

I just knew that she needed me to talk to her.

Show her some kindness, some caring and that I 

saw her.

On her knee she had a fabric bag covered with

drawn little cutesy figures(kawaii anime).

Softly I turned to her and asked her if she

was into Japanese anime.

She was. I told her that my son and I

both love Japanese art. Manga, anime and

movies of varying kinds.

I also told her that both me and my son were

artists and that regardless of both of us

being the victims of copious opinions

by well meaning non artists........

For us, art is not about the pursuit of fame 

and fortune.

Art is an outer expression of 

an inner experience.

-Where can I view some of your art? she asked.

I was showing her some of my art(this blog)

on my brand spanking new phone when she

suddenly started to cry.

-Art is so beautiful, even more so when

there is some sadness in it isn't it? she said.

-Sadness, in my view is something that can

 sometimes tenderize a tough heart, I answered

then continued.......

-I have often found that sadness can sharpen

our ability to truly experience our own

frailty as human beings and I try to

convey some of that in my paintings.

Suddenly her phone sprung to life

and she had a quick look at her phone.

What she did next really took me

by surprise.

-Can I hug you? My girlfriend just texted

me and says that we have to go but I would

like to hug you before I go if that's okay 

with you?

With those words she hugged me, tears

streaming down her face and then with

the words ''I will never forget you'' she

turned around and walked away.

I picked up my new car key from Mister Minit.

Ah, so that's why the key fell apart I thought

as I walked to the car.

I needed to sit on that bench.

I needed to assure a young girl who

was feeling sad and invisible that

there are some of us who actually

 do see and hear her.

In truth, ..... We all need to be seen and heard

sometimes.

about the images: Top: Photo edited in Photoshop

above: ''Teddy feels invisible'' ink on paper, edited in Elements

All too much? How can I help......

Why do we do it? do all of us do it or only some of us?

What am I talking about? I am talking about why some

of us seem to have an innate or in-built behaviour pattern

of wanting to ''fix'' or to solve or at least help (in some

way) people who are in distress. 

As a kid I was severely bullied and often beaten up.

Only once did another kid intervene and try to

stop the beating. Although I was pleasantly

surprised when it happened, the new-found 

friendship however, did not last very long.

At nine years of age, 

Life lesson number 1. 

Friends come in a manifold of diverse/different

varieties. Each category comes with its own

often un-spoken but still specific rules and

expectations.

As I remember it, having many friends, being popular,

being liked by your peers, meant everything.

Not to me, but as far as I could ascertain

to most of the kids at school.

So here's the strange thing with me;

although I was bullied every day

I never saw myself as a victim, instead,

I thought there was something wrong with

the kids who had to pick on others all the time.

Life lesson number 2.

Hurt people hurt others to make themselves

feel better.

When I started college I joined a choir and

changed my subjects from science to all

things humanitarian. I also decided that I was

going to audition for the Conservatorium

of music as soon as college finished.

I, was going to become a professional jazz 

musician, come hell or high water.

All through the college years I had one really good

friend who was a math fanatic so we both knew

that we would be following very different paths 

when college finished.

Life lesson number 3.

One true, really good friend, is enough when

the friendship is authentic and founded on

shared values and life principles.

As I stepped into the foyer on my first day

of finally studying what I really wanted to learn,

I knew. I was finally among MY people.

There was music everywhere. Behind every closed 

door seeped, no, oozed music of some sort or another.

Somehow there was an instant connection between us 

''students'' the minute we said hello to each other.

We were all there because we felt very committed

to and passionate about music. We were ready to

give our all in the pursuit of becoming fully

fledged professional musicians.

Life lesson number 3.

Artists are a different tribe of people. The language

we/they speak, we/they speak the clearest and truest

when we/they use our chosen artistic ''language''.

Although these days we have a little more 

understanding and patience with ''creative types'',

I am going to throw caution to the wind and

suggest that most of us ''neuro divergent''

/creative types, have been told by ''well meaning

but non-understanding'' friends and relatives:

You are too: sensitive, deep thinking, over analyzing,

serious, quiet, no sense of humor, insecure, 

intense, etc. etc. etc.

They will have ideas how to fix us.

''Lets fix it. This is what you got to do.''

Ex: Just relax! Don't be so uptight all the time.

Go mix with people. Start a conversation. Try to

open up a bit. And many more similar suggestions....

Life lesson number 4.

We all are outfitted with mirror neurons. 

These neurons fire/respond equally when

we perform an action or watch somebody

else doing it. Watching somebody cry

or yawn for instance, fires up our mirror 

neurons to follow suit. (Animals do the same)

It's called empathy.

Having almost got myself killed a few times

due to throwing myself headfirst into

 all manner of dangerous situations,

I seem to be an incurable ''fixer'', ''solver'' 

and in my view...helper. 

Having been told off a number of times by

my son for ''always trying to fix/solve things'', 

I now try to think before I act.

I can't stand seeing humans or animals being

hurt by cruel, callous and ruthless un-thinking 

careless people.

Life lesson number 5.

Instead of trying to ''fix or solve'' a person or a situation,

ASK first what you can do to help, 

then offer potential fixes and or solutions.

''No act of kindness, no matter how small,

is ever wasted.''

(Aesop?)

''Be the change you wish to see in the world.''

(Mahatma Gandhi)

about the image: Graphite on brown paper