''A musical instrument in the hands of a skilled musician can tell us stories without the use of one single word.''

I close the door, sling my bag with sheet music in it over my

shoulder and start running down the stairs.

I'm late, I'm hang-over and I'm tired. 

Luckily the tube pulls in to the station just as I arrive.

Totally out of breath from running, I sit down on 

one of the worn-out vinyl covered seats and slowly 

 fill my lungs with air.

-I got to stop smoking, I tell myself for 99th time,

then pull my bag close to my chest and close my eyes.

The sound of the train wheels crossing

the track-joins goes: padam.... padam .... padam ....

I close my eyes and the rhythmical sound from

the train almost sends me to sleep.

Well, it probably would send me to sleep 

if just the infernal banging inside 

my skull would just stop!!!

But it doesn't, so I open my eyes again.

Staring into nothing, I hear the conductor

call out the name of my stop.

Cautiously I stand up. 

Urk. Not good. I need some water in a hurry.

I get off the train on wobbly legs and then

slowly make my way up the stairs 

from the underground

to the street level. 

As soon as I hit street level, a fresh gush of autumn wind

caresses' my face and momentarily soothes my searing headache.

I love walking to Club in the early evening autumn light.

Not only because of the tangerine hue that

seems to settle on everything it touches,

but also because of the myriad of mouthwatering food 

aromas that somehow manages to find their way 

to blend in with the breath of autumn.

-Think I'll order something to eat before we

play. I do feel a bit better now and it will definitely

be coffee all night tonight, I tell myself sternly as

I hurry up the steps to the Club.

Walking through the kitchen I order a pizza

from the chef and then walk to the musicians room.

There I turn on the light and put down my bag on a chair.

Rudy, the bass player, is already there as is

Jurgen, the drummer, and Tommy, the tenor

sax player. We've played together for so long

that when we do a gig, we usually greet each other

 with a nod, a lifted eyebrow or a quick 'hey'.

Greetings all done, I grab my sheet music and

walk on to the stage.

There it stands, my beautiful black stallion; 

a Steinway grand piano.

I disrobe the grand piano of its red and black velvet cover.

Then I lift the lid as high as possible making

 sure to secure it with the long prop (stick). 

This done, then I place the sheet music on the

stand and sit down on the piano stool.

I'm ready to become one, to tell a story,

 with this beautiful instrument.

As long as I can remember, my view on musical instruments

have always been that they are to

 be revered, respected and always treated with

loving care.

''A musical instrument in the hands of a skilled

musician can tell us stories without the use of

one single word.''

(Citizen Z)

I have now finally managed to get some of my music

up on YouTube.

If you are interested, this is how you can

find some:

Moving Target. Noir.

My Home Is In My Heart. Eva Breckon-Thomas

about the image : ink and texters on large paper

It is possible to hold two opposing ideas at the same time.........................

Is it possible to hold two opposite thoughts in our

heads/minds at the same time?

Or as George Orwell puts it: ''Doublethink means the power

of holding two contradictory belief's in ones

mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.''

Getting our minds around the fact that two opposing

ideas can somehow sometimes be possible, can at times

make us feel uncomfortable, unsettled and unresolved.

We much prefer dichotomy because it offers us

 two clear options to choose from: right or wrong. 

If something is right it can't be wrong.

  Cognitive dissonance, meaning to hold two

opposing ideas in our heads at the same time, can

for some of us be rather challenging.

Like for instance: Being sick and healthy at

the same time. One can't be healthy if one is sick, yeah.

 Or simultaneously being stingy and generous,

 open and closed, friendly and unfriendly, or kind and mean.

A long time ago a friend challenged me concerning

my(in his opinion) frequent use of ''absolutes.''

(I agree, my mindset had to be opened.)

''Absolutes'' are words that have no nuances. 

They are terms without exceptions.

Such as: always, forever, everyone, never, totally,

completely, non-negotiable, set in cement,

absolutely, only, and so on and on..............

After realizing how often I used absolutes 

I decided that I needed to dispense of

as many as possible. 

As the wise say: with your words you create

your world.

*

You know how there are some days that seem

to start with something annoying happening 

from the moment you get out of bed?

Like: Getting out of bed you trip on one of your

slippers and you hit your head on the corner of your

chest of drawers. Getting up from knocking

yourself out, you stumble into the bathroom,

look in the mirror and blood is dripping down

your face.

You do a quick clean and put a band-aid on the

wound. As you grab your toothbrush you

realize that you've run out of toothpaste.

You dress in a hurry grabbing whatever is

nearest.

Running down the steps to the kitchen

your cat, Baily, thinks you're playing and

starts to run between your feet.

Barely making it downstairs, the phone rings.

Where is it???Where is it????@!#

Finally you find it on the floor, pick it up

and just as you say Hello?....they hang up.

You turn on the kettle and stretch your arm

to put your toast in the toaster when Baily

decides to get your attention by pushing stuff

off the kitchen table.

Diving in order to catch your favourite coffee mug

from hitting the floor, the alarm goes off

and the smell of burnt toast fills the kitchen.

You open all the windows, turn off the alarm

and with gritted teeth, you finally make your coffee.

 You sit down and try to calm yourself.

You now know that you are running late and

that the traffic is going to be bumper to bumper.

Draining the last of your coffee, you get up

and put the milk back in to the fridge.

 While giving your mug a quick rinse, 

your sub-conscious

makes you have a look at the calendar 

on the fridge door.

What????? Geeeeeeeez#@!

Surely not!!

You look again.

Nope. 

You read it again.

Yep.

It is Saturday.

This is a blog about perspective

and how the words we choose to use to define

our experiences can change a dreary day to

a day of adventure and new experiences.

Always can be changed into ''often''

Everyone >    > ''many''

Never >   >seldom/not very often

Everybody >   > ''somebody"

Instead of starting with an absolute, start with

sometimes, it seems, it tends to be.......

At times I feel a bit.............

Thinking about how extra-ordinary  ''ordinary'' days 

are when I had ''one of those days'', made me

aware of how easy it is to take for granted

the many things that works day after day.

''Perspective is something that we are 

individually accountable and responsible for.

We, us, we decide the words we designate

to define our feelings, experiences and life.''

(Citizen Z)

It is indeed possible to hold two opposing ideas

at the same time methinks.

One can believe in freedom and at the same time

 believe in order.(Laws)

One can support new theories and at the same time

hang on to some old ones.

One can love heavy metal music and at the same time

adore Opera.

One can be deeply devoted to one's birth country

and at the same time champion support for

newcomers arriving from far away.

''We do not see things as they are,

we see things as we are.''

(Anais Nin)

about the image: charcoal, water colour on fashion draft 

paper.

An oyster may be ugly on the outside but...................................

Is life easier for the ''beautiful'' people?

Does luck befall good-looking people more than

ordinary looking people?

Is it easier for the beautiful people to make friends?

Do the beautiful people find jobs easier and faster

than us common looking people?

Sadly, but according to scientific research, the answer

is resoundingly Yes.

Humanity is affected by beauty biases.

Although, exactly what constitutes ''beauty'' or

''beautiful'' methinks is highly subjective.

As the quote says: "Beauty is in the eyes

of the beholder.''

According to some statistics, I found that

only 1 - 2% of us humans can proudly wear

the badge "very/extremely beautiful" on our chests.

The same statistics also say that 68% of us are

deemed as ''ordinary/average'' looking.

But, when it comes to classifying the term

is there not a difference between beautiful and

attractive? Pretty and cute? 

The word ''beautiful'', may I suggest, is mere skin deep

whereas words such as exquisite, breathtaking,

lovely, attractive and gorgeous includes emotions and

admiration(awe) as well.

When I was playing music for a living I worked

with many, many different people.

Most gigs were performed in night-clubs, bars and

restaurants.

Usually the gigs lasted four hours with a 20 minute

break every hour.  During the breaks often

different members of the audience would

come up and chat with some of us in the band.

Well, not so much chat, often more like foreplay..

Somehow being on a stage and playing funky music

made us, the musicians, magically become ever so

much more attractive apparently.

One of the many singers I worked with was

one of those 1 - 2%-ers. Every gig we did,

women lined up to hand this guy their phone numbers.

Admittedly, he was a heck of a singer and he was a

.............. notorious player.(of women)

Watching him with different women every time

we worked, I decided to ask him what it was

like to have women chase after him all the time.

Surprisingly, he told me that he was tired of it.

-What? Nah. I don't believe you.

-Well, in the beginning it was awesome but

lately I have begun to feel like a man**ore,

he said.

-You are a player, aren't you though? I asked.

-I am, but I am also more than that and one-night-stands

have started to bore me, he answered as he lit a cigarette.

His answer surprised me. Was it possible that being

beautiful/attractive came with drawbacks? Then

it dawned on me that maybe he had started to

feel objectified and didn't like it.

It's been said that ''it's hard to change a first

hand impression once we've made one.''

Some say that this is because of the ''primacy effect'',

a cognitive bias where the brain locks onto

early information for efficiency and speed

in making judgements. When it comes to

understanding and benevolent communication

with others....not so much.

My own life experiences have shown me that

first hand judgements though at times very

helpful can often be just as counterproductive.

There are thankfully possible ways to overturn negative

and unhelpful first impressions.

Example: ''Maybe there is another way to interpret

this xyz......I may have made a rash judgement.....''

and, this is my personal opinion...

''the more we get to know and understand someone,

something, the more attractive it/he/she/they become.''

Think of a pearl....

I don't know who the first person was that decided

to ignore the ugly, rock hard outer shell of an oyster,

but I bet ya that he/she was mightily surprised

to find a gleaming white perfectly round ''stone''

inside of it. (Don't think that that person knew that

eventually it was to be named a ''pearl''.)

Beauty, for me, is first and foremost light.

This painting is named ''Glimpses of Beauty''.

I painted it in order to display the importance

of light for the existence of beauty.

Light is vital, light makes our existence possible.

Light is a metaphor for hope, for knowledge,

wisdom and understanding.

''Outer beauty is a gift.

Inner beauty is an accomplishment.''

(Randi G. Fine)

about the images: Top: acrylic on large cardboard ''Isn't she lovely?''

middle: acrylic on large canvas  ''Glimpses of Beauty''

bottom: ink & crayon on paper ''I rather be a candle than curse the

darkness''

Difficult? Me? Nah, just different.......:)

-He was so good-looking that my eyes hurt

just looking at him, she said.

-Really? What about him made him so painfully

good looking? I asked.

-I don't know exactly, it can be hard to pinpoint.

Perhaps the symmetry of his features? she answered.

-Perhaps. I think I've heard it said that us humans

find beauty in patterns and symmetry.

-There's also a saying that '' beauty is in the eyes

of the beholder'' isn't there, she said.

-Indeed. Although, not only in the eyes methinks.

I think the same goes for ears, touch, taste and smell as well.

-How do you mean?

-Music is often described as beautiful as in the

saying: ''The true beauty of music is that it connects 

people.'' (Roy Ayers)

A nice soft, velvety piece of fabric can feel

beautiful to the touch. The fragrance from a 

bouquet of freshly picked ''Lilies of the Valley''

may excite our sense of smell and make us exclaim:

The flowers smell absolutely beautiful!

And a ripe, juicy navel orange segment may

make us close our eyes and just focus all our

attention on the beautiful taste it brings

to our taste buds, don't you agree? I asked.

-I do, she said and then continued; now lets go

and get ourselves some navel oranges, please.

Language, so says those in the know,

 is not set in cement. It keeps changing

with time, in time with the time in which it is spoken.

An aspect to the English language that I

really like is the use of bridging words, also

called  ''cushion words''.

Bridging words(softening words) can be used

to politely transition words that could be

 interpreted as negative or critical to words

that are softer, kinder and more supportive. 

They can also be used to help keeping a

conversation flowing without accidentally/

unintentionally incurring heated emotions.

Swedish is my first language, English my second.

However, I have lived here in Australia for so long

now that English has become my first language.

Swedish, in my opinion, is a very direct language.

Too much so, which I've been told many times.

This habit has taken me many years to overcome

in order for me to now be able to make good use

of ''bridging'' words.

''Toning down'' my language is good for speaking

English, alas, not so good for speaking Swedish.

Now, when Swedish relatives or friends visit

me, they often laugh at my in their opinion,

very antiquated and back-to-front Swedish.

When I was a kid I was bullied in school

every day until I started grade 8 (High School).

Teachers viewed me as strange but smart,

the students called me weirdo, stupid and dumbass.

Sometimes it made me feel very lonely, alienated

and inadequate but my connection with music

(all genres)was so strong(still is) and fulfilling that

it almost always(yes, always!) comforted and

provided me with a world that I knew I belonged to.

Although I have never viewed myself as a victim,

those early years did leave scars that every now and 

then affects my mental health.

Watching a doco on how the view on mental health

has developed through the years have made me aware

of how much the terminology and language around and

about mental health issues have changed. (Thank goodness!!!)

Bridging words have been so useful and helpful

for me to be able to communicate more effectively

with other people that I thought maybe you would

appreciate me sharing some of them with you.

Instead of:

Boring >use> Interesting

Difficult >use> Challenging

Weird >use> Different, Unique

Frustrating >use> Challenging

Complicated >use> Intricate

Long-winded >use> Thought-provoking

stubborn >use> Goal orientated

demanding >use> detail-orientated

narrow-minded >use> conventional

 I would also like to suggest that the use of

the word normal, the prefix ''over'' and

the word ''too'' as in for example:

over-sensitive, -thinking, -powering, -estimating,

too introverted, -sensitive, -complicated, -difficult,

and so on and so on and so on be exchanged for

softer/cushion/bridging words.

There are many options these days for far less

stigmatizing words for us to use when communicating

with each other such as: objective, supportive

and descriptive terms. A person's behaviour often

offer us a clue as to what need might be unmet.

Instead of telling someone to not ''over-dramatize''

xyz.......try: ''You seem upset. Would you like to

chat about it?''

''I am wondering if you are feeling a bit anxious?

Is that so?''

With the help of friends and

professionals I have now come to

understand myself as a neurodivergent

creative/artistic person.

And I'm very happy to belong with

other neurodivergent creative/artistic persons

cause I know there's lots of us.

It is possible to disagree

without being disagreeable.

It is possible to have an opinion

without being opinionated.

It is possible to be knowable

without being a know-it-all.

It is possible to turn words into weapons

but why on earth would you?

(Citizen Z)

about the images: ''La Belle Anthony''

Photo some editing in Elements

''Citizen Z''

Photo, editing in Elements

A papers memory of a fold................

This photographed image I've named: ''A papers memory of a fold.''

Without something to remember, is there such a thing as a memory?

Is memory something that belongs to humans only?

What......... is memory?

Simply put, it is the part of our mind/brain that is able

to encode and store information, experiences and skills.

It encodes, it stores and when needed, retrieves.

There are three main types of memory: short term,

long term and sensory.

Memory used to be likened to a filing cabinet but

these days research is indicating that it's more

like a super messy desk cluttered with big piles of paper.

Though it may be easier to find files in a

filing cabinet sorted logically, methinks that messy

is not without  benefits.

Messiness allows us to find those fluky ''connections'' 

that we didn't expect to connect.

Since we do not have filing cabinets

we can come at a memory task from a number of different

angles such as: did I write the name down somewhere,

can I Google it, can I remember the letter the word

start with, does it rhyme with another word etc. etc. etc.?

When we fail to remember something it can be easy

to believe that memories can just vanish but

according to those in the know, that is not

the case.

We don't lose memories they are still there,

but because our frontal lobes(the part of our brain

where our memories live) shrink a little bit with aging,

sometimes our recall time may be less than

lightning fast.

 But here's the thing......neuroscience research shows

that every time we revisit/recall a memory, it becomes

malleable(flexible) and our brains reconstructs them.

This is called reconsolidation which means that the memories 

briefly become unstable and susceptible to being

changed(updated) to fit with our current feelings

on the memory before being saved again.

When I was managing a Jazz club in Stockholm

I had an experience that etched a memory

not only on my frontal lobes but also on the

inside of my eyelids, or so it seemed.

Next to the entrance to the Club there was a

male toilet that I had to unlock every night.

As I was always at the Club an hour before opening,

to get in, I would use the back entrance.

After turning on lights and other usual duties

I went to un-lock the front doors.

When I did so this particular night I noticed that 

the door to the toilet was not closed

 so obviously not locked.

As I pushed to open the door, I realized that there

was someone laying on the floor.

Face down, blood and urine every where and in the man's

right arm, a broken needle.

His body was cold to the touch and his skin

 bluish white.

Dead. He was dead but still a human being and

 as such, I felt that he deserved attention.

Shaking like a leaf and probably in shock, I called

for an ambulance, closed the door to the

toilet and then sat down on the steps,

lit a cigarette and waited for the ambulance.

Since then I have experienced so many absolutely

blood curling, heart stopping and mindboggling experiences

that I have had to ''file'' it somewhere.

I ''filed'' it under ''what a sad waste of a life'' heading

and then just put it on my very messy desk.

A very kind and wise man once told me when he was

helping me to deal with PTSD: When you get ''triggered''

by a traumatic memory .......replace it or pair it with 

 a helpful and new updated one.

Memories are not set in cement, they are malleable.

We can't change what has happened in the past

but we can change how we think and therefore

feel, about it.

''No memory is ever alone; it's at the end of a

trail of memories, trails that each have their

own associations.''

(Louis LÁmour)

About the image: Photo no editing, straight of the lens.

Folded paper is hard to make perfectly flat after it's been

folded. Alas, can a piece of paper have a memory of a fold?

Don't diss someone seeking attention....maybe that's their way of seeking connection.....

Some of us may hold the opinion that a lot of behaviour

can be dismissed as just attention seeking.

One of a number of problems with that is that it simplifies

a behaviour that may have many underlying complex

reasons.

Dismissing a person's behaviour as ''just

attention seeking'' can be very invalidating

and damning for someone with a fragile

self-esteem.

These days we can all be critics of basically 

of anyone and everything. We can spew horrific critique

that can cut someone's self-esteem into slivers, crush

someone's dreams into smithereens and obliterate

someone's hope so severely that they loose all sense

 of meaning and purpose for their lives.

Not only that, we can do so anonymously

if we want to. After all, we all have the right to have

our own opinions, don't we?

Even if our opinions are founded not on

facts and thoughtful research but almost solely

 on feelings, we are often quick to express them

non the less.

And sadly though true, the fact that we can do

so without culpability makes it so much easier

to do than to express our opinions face to face.

Many individuals who aspire to be the best

at what they love doing, be it sports, arts,

cooking, photographing, curating, etc. etc. 

etc. it seems to me will have to put up

with someone whispering under their breath:

''He/she/they are only doing it to get attention.''

Personally, I have lost count on how many times

I have been accused of ''only doing it(being a musician,

painter, writer)for the attention''.

I have a huge problem with people assuming that

someone spending all their energy and time

on being able to master something they

love doing just for attention.

Why? Because it invalidates and dismisses that

individual's hard work and staunch commitment

to reach a personal goal/outcome.

Although I've spent years performing on a number of

different stages varying from a tiny raised floor to

in front of a camera as in on MTV, the attention was

not what I sought. The attention was the drawback.

It was all about the music and making music with

others who all felt the same way.

There may be some people who are all about the

attention, but speaking from years of experience, 

most people who become masters at their

discipline(art, sport, etc.) become masters because

of a single-minded commitment and dedication

to conquer through hard work and discipline

to earn the title: virtuoso, maestro etc. etc. GOAT.

So, now to the story about:

The American Geisha

On the day she was born

there were no fanfares.

Her conception not planned

just an unfortunate result.

Yet there she was

a bouncing 12 pounds.

From the very first moment

it was very, very clear

this girl was determined

and she had no peer.

She wanted to shine

everywhere and all the time.

She demanded attention

her methods sublime.

Going to school was such a bore

every lesson just a snore,

so at fourteen she had enough

....she took off, left in a huff.

She knew she was destined

for a glamorous life

so she donned a tutu

and started to dance.

But thing's didn't go the way she hoped

she ran out of money, she discovered dope.

Days became nights, caresses fights

disappointments and sadness an endless loop.

She started to hide behind her illusions

reality but, another delusion

so she spiraled down, down, and further down

no more joy, no princess crown.

Her face once so young and pretty

now elicited only pity

her body once so beautiful

now, only pitiful.

She decided to numb herself out of existence.

She woke in hospital

feeling rather dismal

but with one redeeming factor,

nurses at her beck and call.

As fresh blood entered her vein

so fresh thoughts entered her brain.

She was special, she was great

she was a princess yet once again.

She bought a tutu, a magic wand

a set of fairy wings,

a princess crown.

Her girth growing,

her soul, glowing.

Seeking endless attention

from everyone and everywhere

a bottomless pit, a road to nowhere.

This she knew, she knew its despair.

So she donned a mask, very white very bright.

Like a graceful geisha, a beautiful sight.

On her wings, colours blue, red and white,

no longer hiding, no longer trite.

She calls herself the American Geisha

as she dances through the nights.

Showered with attention all lit up in lights,

but when the show is over and it's time to say goodbye,

she knows she's just plain Lisa,

 and that is now all right.

(Citizen Z)

about the image: acrylic on large canvas

Pain is a subjective experience.............

In 1929 Rene' Magritte painted a now super famous painting

of a large wooden pipe(tobacco) with the writing ''This is not

a pipe'' under it. This caused a bit of a stir as most people

looking at the painting would exclaim: ''Of course it is

a pipe!'' But, if one was to be really finnicky, it is not

(and this is what Magritte was trying to say)

a pipe, it is the representation of a pipe.

This is a representation of a crow, 

it's not a crow. It is acrylic paint on

a canvas.

Some hold the opinion that all art is

in some way or another.........

representational, some others do not.

It is a philosophical quandary that's been

debated for years and years without at this point,

having come up with a definitive outcome

either way.

As a lyricist(song writer) I have come to understand

just how tricky it can be to come up with

representations/definitions of a large number of words.

Take the word ''colour'' for instance, how would

one depict/explain/define it to someone who is

born blind?

Words that are not physical/tangible and or

words that rely heavily on context can be very hard

to conceptualize. (depict)

Such as subjective words: feelings, opinions,

beliefs, interpretations, big, small, tasty, bitter etc. etc. etc.

Words like: time, reality, consciousness, mind,

soul and many more. One of them is pain, which is

what I am going to try and write about today.

The top image is called ''PAIN'' and is one

of my attempts at depicting how I experience pain

visually. (Tangibly)

Pain is a constant companion of mine but I have

never thought of trying to paint what that feeling

could possibly look like. Until, that is, the moment that

I realized that every time I had a neck and shoulders massage

and closed my eyes, I could ''see'' the same vivid colours

(how is that even possible??)on the inside of my eyelids.

The more the massage hurt, the more vivid the colours.

And, now.....strangely.....those colour combinations

seem to only show up when I have a massage.

For the last 15 years or so my son has been suffering with

chronic pain all through his body. This affects him in a number

of ways which in turn affects his emotional well-being

as well as his physical ability to do his work.(Composer)

When I was a performing musician I had to carry very heavy 

musical equipment every time I did a gig(job), as well

as standing for hours upon hours while playing keyboards.

One day, a long time ago, I forgot to lift my keyboard amp

the ''right'' way and so managed to destroy my muscles

and ligaments in my lower back. 

The pain that I experienced made me collapse on the floor

and unable to move any body parts without invoking

excruciating pain for the next two weeks.

Going to the toilet was a massive under-taking as

 I had to crawl on the floor in order to

get to the toilet to empty my bladder.

However, eventually I managed to

''swim away''(in a pool)enough acute pain so that

 I could keep playing and earn a living.

Years later when I quit performing live,

 I was left with a chronic

severe bursitis all through my neck and shoulders.

Pain, used to be defined as a physical sensation.

These days however, many define it as a complex

biopsychosocial experience.

Huh? And in other words?

It is not a simple reflex(physical sensation) demanding

 our attention, rather, 

pain is a warning system with biological,

cognitive, emotional and social components.

These different components(elements) protects

tissues and drives behaviour, so says those in the know.

Pain is a subjective experience and the way we

respond to and deal with it, is therefore subjective.

For the purpose of this post I will write about

two types.

Acute pain is a temporary pain caused by a temporary

illness or injury. 

Once triaged the healing can begin and often

the level of pain begins to subside.(Usually, not always)

Chronic pain is persistent and even after

the initial injury/illness is triaged and resolved,

 the pain can linger for a number of different reasons.

 This affects nearly all aspects of the sufferer's

life such as: cognitive function, memory, emotional

well being, sleep, mood and general outlook on life.

Chronic pain keeps the sympathetic nervous-

system on high alert which affects the immune-system.

This often leads to fatigue, which often result

in the sufferer feeling socially alienated.

In my view,

dealing with chronic pain would be a lot easier

if people could contain themselves from passing

unfair judgement and whisper under their breath:

''It's all in the head.''

I wish that sometimes ''pain-doubters'' could let go

of their dis-belief in that us(chronic pain sufferers)are

 actually experiencing as much pain as we say we are,

because I believe that perhaps then us ''Chronic's'' 

may be able to feel a little bit less judged, 

and a little bit more understood.

Suggestion: What people with chronical pain really want

is to not have to fake feeling well.

(Lustercraft)