Shy? Nah, just a quiet person...........

I love snow. 

I love how a good cover of snow 

 can transform things ugly and unsightly

 into things all glittery, twinkly and shiny.

I love how snow dampens and softens

sharp, screechy and jarring sounds.

I love the fact that each snowflake 

 is a piece of art and utterly unique.

Of this I am reminded every year when

summer comes around here in OZ(Australia).

Summer, when the heat is suffocating and sweat

pours from virtually every orifice on my

body. 

Long nights twisting and turning in my bed 

in my un-air-conditioned bedroom, searching

my memory ''files'' for images of snow 

clad landscapes with ice covered lakes

to cool my mind, my body and my temper.

Since it is never going to snow here where

I am, I comfort myself by creating

my own snow covered landscapes.

Although it is years since I skied down a mountain

or skated across a mirror glazed lake, I miss snow.

Especially the ''soundscape'' that it creates when it 

drapes nature in its shiny new coat.

*

For me, life is about ''commas and 

question marks'' rather than ''answers and full stops''.

Commas and question marks keeps possibilities,

probabilities and plausibility's feasible.

Hence, I'm never without a question about 

something.

Here is one: Is silently and quietly the same thing?

Sort of? A bit? Yes? No?

 I have heard/read of people being described as ''quiet

kind of people'' or ''he/she/they go about their life

in a quiet way'' or ''he/she/they live quietly.''

Can the same be said using the word silently?

Embracing the fact that words are often ambiguous

what do we mean with the word ''silently''?

Quietly, to my way of thinking includes a level of sound.

We can act quietly and we can whisper, speak, cry,

laugh, sneeze, etc. etc. etc. quietly.

We can not do those things silently.

Silently, is the word we use when we talk about

an absence of sound.

Some of us may be predominately extroverted

in nature and enjoy lively conversations

with people, friends and acquaintances.

For us, interacting and communicating/talking

feels comfortable and exciting, it energizes

us (one may say).

Some of us may be predominately introverted

in nature and enjoy times of solitude and

introspection.

For us, silence and or quietude is something

we seek at times because it energizes us.

As we learn more and more about ourselves,

what once may have been ''full stops'' may now

have opened and become ''commas''.

If a person view themselves as a ''quiet'' sort of 

a person, it may mean that they/he/she view themselves

as ''deep and probing'' processing persons rather

 than empty, passive or anti-social ones.

''Quiet people have the loudest minds,''

says Stephen Hawking.

A societal norm found in many different countries is

that quiet people challenge the social

expectations of an extroverted culture which

views talking with confidence and chutzpah

as the ''right'' way to be.

''There is zero correlation between being the best

''talker'' and having the best ideas.''

(Susan Cain)

(Although, in my view, society seems to often equate 

visibility and loudness with ability and

capability, it often has a tendency to backfire.)

Apparently, according to those in the know......

some of us feel intimidated by ''quiet people''

because we don't know what the quiet person is

thinking and that creates uncertainty in us.

Just in case you are wondering if there is a difference 

between being quiet and shy, the answer 

according to those in the know is Yes.

As I understand it,

being shy(shyness) is a

fear of being ridiculed or rejected by

others when we speak our mind.

Quietly pondering what to say for a minute or two before

speaking, can be viewed as a mentally conscious choice.

By saying nothing even a fool may seem wise.

Many of us live such hectic lives surrounded by noise

and numerous distractions that quietness, stillness

and silence can be experienced as uncomfortable.

But sometimes, we may really need to seek some quietude.

Quietude is putting oneself in a state of inner

calmness and stillness, and for a moment ignoring 

our external noise and physical wants and desires.

How do we start?

We stop talking and embrace the silence.

about the images: top: Acrylic on large canvas

middle: Acrylic on large canvas

Bottom: acrylic and pastels on mid sized canvas

Control is an illusion

Ensconced in his father's embrace the little

boy feels safe. Although having endured trials,

 tribulations, visions of despair and

devastation far beyond his understanding,

his trust in his father's strength and ability

to protect him, is... absolute.

*

Certainty of what's going to happen next;

second, minute, hour, week, etc. etc. etc.

is according to ''those in the know'' a very,

if not THE most powerful psychological and

social drive for us humans.

We are pattern seeking creatures/beings with minds

/brains that are able to quickly identify patterns and then

sort them in to categories as in for example: 

unsafe, safe, dangerous, unstable, poisonous,

etc. or good for eating, good for sheltering under,

good for making friends with and so on.

Scrambling for a sense of certainty in life

is something that is ''inbuilt/inherent'' in us 

so the smart folks say.

However, judging from personal experience and research

on the subject, always needing certainty can be risky.

I use the word ''risky'' because needing certainty can

easily digress into needing control.

In psychology seeking to have control is a ''form

of anxiety''. 

We can plan ahead, we can make maps(mental 

and geographical), we can load up on all the information

we think we may need to know, but........we

cannot prevent things from going wrong, fall

apart, crack etc...........

Unexpected things have a tendency to show up

regardless of how much we may prepare ourselves.

Teenagers are fabulous at teaching us that as

parents we need to let go of believing that we

control them. Waiting for my child to come home

from going to parties, duffs or festivals was

a seven different hells experience.

I had to learn that negotiation and not law

and order kept our relationship healthy.

I have experienced myself how anxiety can

get out of hand and how scrambling for control

rather than down-playing any uncertainty can

make a person(me) even more anxious.

Then one day my doctor gave me a book and

told me to read it. I did.

GAD. Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Basically, one is anxious about everything.

This anxiousness often tend to tempt us

to try to control what or who-ever makes us anxious.

The problem with trying to control people

and things is that that bases my(your?) well-being

on factors that are outside of me(you).

This doesn't work.

Shift to what may work.

A. Focus on my (your) own strengths and

competencies.

       B.  I(you) am the owner of my(your) life and 

my(your) emotions. Take charge.

''Releasing the illusion of control

can quiet an anxious mind.''

(Dr. Rick Hansen)

about the image: Acrylic on large canvas +

some editing in Elements

*

(People have asked me what kind of music I

play, so I will give you a few options to

check out. All music, lyrics and arrangements

are composed by me.)

Who looks back at you in your mirror?

This painting is called ''Wishful Thinking''.

''The mirror doesn't lie.''

Well, maybe the mirror doesn't, but we often do.

When we look at ourselves in a mirror,

we may think that what we see is a

true reflection of what we are seeing. 

But it isn't.

It may be true-ish but not accurate.

How so?

Eyes are not ''lenses'' and the ''camera house''

is not a brain.

''Vision is an active neurological and biological

reconstruction of data edited and interpreted by our 

brains as to fit in with our belief systems and

our sub-conscious and conscious reality.''

There was a time in my life when I suffered

with Anorexia.

Having been skinny all my life, I ignored friends

when they began telling me that I was getting

 ''too'' skinny. I had noticed that my clothes were

getting really(!)comfortable but I seriously did

not think of myself as ''too'' skinny. I put my skinniness

down to working all hours of the day, raising a son

and being a good spouse.

I looked at myself in the mirror and could see

that I was slim, but skinny? Nah....

Until one day when I was trying on a new T-shirt

in a changing room and suddenly could see

how my clavicle bones were protruding through

the cloth of the T-shirt.

Once I could see the shoulder bones sticking out

I could also see that it was the same with my knee

and hip bones. I decided to go to a doctor.

Standing on the scales I realized just how much weight 

I had lost. Not only weight, I was also losing hair.

The doctor told me to stand in front of his mirror

and then he sternly said: ''If you do not put on weight

 immediately your body will shut down and you will die.

You need to go and see a psychologist. NOW.''

I did.

*

This image is called : ''Looking thru a Kaleidoscope.''

I love Kaleidoscopes because basically you are

looking at the same mirrors all the time, but by

rotating the coloured bits in front of the mirrors the

image changes and is never exactly the same again.

Now imagine that those bits have words on them.

(Words that are words that you think when you see

yourself in the mirror.)

According to those in the know, when we do this

we often tend to focus on negative words

rather than positive ones.

When we look at ourselves in the mirror, 

we do so through many layers of different biases,

but also through stuff we've read on social media

and things people may have said to us.

Bias examples:

Weight, age, beauty, confirmation, stereotyping,

etc. etc. etc. and many more types of biases.

Trying to find a way to say that eyes are not

 ''cameras'' I finally arrived at this:

''Vision is an active neurological and biological

reconstruction of data edited and interpreted by our 

brains as to fit in with our belief systems and

our sub-conscious and conscious reality.''

(Think about it and you may like me suddenly

get that you have never actually seen your

face with your own two eyes. Only reflected.)

''When you look in the mirror,

see a friend not a critic.''

(Remez Sosson)

(People have asked me what kind of music I

play, so I will give you a few options to

check out. All music, lyrics and arrangements

are composed by me.)

about the images: Top: acrylic on large canvas

Kaleidoscope: Water colour on paper

''A musical instrument in the hands of a skilled musician can tell us stories without the use of one single word.''

I close the door, sling my bag with sheet music in it over my

shoulder and start running down the stairs.

I'm late, I'm hang-over and I'm tired. 

Luckily the tube pulls in to the station just as I arrive.

Totally out of breath from running, I sit down on 

one of the worn-out vinyl covered seats and slowly 

 fill my lungs with air.

-I got to stop smoking, I tell myself for 99th time,

then pull my bag close to my chest and close my eyes.

The sound of the train wheels crossing

the track-joins goes: padam.... padam .... padam ....

I close my eyes and the rhythmical sound from

the train almost sends me to sleep.

Well, it probably would send me to sleep 

if just the infernal banging inside 

my skull would just stop!!!

But it doesn't, so I open my eyes again.

Staring into nothing, I hear the conductor

call out the name of my stop.

Cautiously I stand up. 

Urk. Not good. I need some water in a hurry.

I get off the train on wobbly legs and then

slowly make my way up the stairs 

from the underground

to the street level. 

As soon as I hit street level, a fresh gush of autumn wind

caresses' my face and momentarily soothes my searing headache.

I love walking to Club in the early evening autumn light.

Not only because of the tangerine hue that

seems to settle on everything it touches,

but also because of the myriad of mouthwatering food 

aromas that somehow manages to find their way 

to blend in with the breath of autumn.

-Think I'll order something to eat before we

play. I do feel a bit better now and it will definitely

be coffee all night tonight, I tell myself sternly as

I hurry up the steps to the Club.

Walking through the kitchen I order a pizza

from the chef and then walk to the musicians room.

There I turn on the light and put down my bag on a chair.

Rudy, the bass player, is already there as is

Jurgen, the drummer, and Tommy, the tenor

sax player. We've played together for so long

that when we do a gig, we usually greet each other

 with a nod, a lifted eyebrow or a quick 'hey'.

Greetings all done, I grab my sheet music and

walk on to the stage.

There it stands, my beautiful black stallion; 

a Steinway grand piano.

I disrobe the grand piano of its red and black velvet cover.

Then I lift the lid as high as possible making

 sure to secure it with the long prop (stick). 

This done, then I place the sheet music on the

stand and sit down on the piano stool.

I'm ready to become one, to tell a story,

 with this beautiful instrument.

As long as I can remember, my view on musical instruments

have always been that they are to

 be revered, respected and always treated with

loving care.

''A musical instrument in the hands of a skilled

musician can tell us stories without the use of

one single word.''

(Citizen Z)

I have now finally managed to get some of my music

up on YouTube.

If you are interested, this is how you can

find some:

Moving Target. Noir.

My Home Is In My Heart. Eva Breckon-Thomas

about the image : ink and texters on large paper

It is possible to hold two opposing ideas at the same time.........................

Is it possible to hold two opposite thoughts in our

heads/minds at the same time?

Or as George Orwell puts it: ''Doublethink means the power

of holding two contradictory belief's in ones

mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.''

Getting our minds around the fact that two opposing

ideas can somehow sometimes be possible, can at times

make us feel uncomfortable, unsettled and unresolved.

We much prefer dichotomy because it offers us

 two clear options to choose from: right or wrong. 

If something is right it can't be wrong.

  Cognitive dissonance, meaning to hold two

opposing ideas in our heads at the same time, can

for some of us be rather challenging.

Like for instance: Being sick and healthy at

the same time. One can't be healthy if one is sick, yeah.

 Or simultaneously being stingy and generous,

 open and closed, friendly and unfriendly, or kind and mean.

A long time ago a friend challenged me concerning

my(in his opinion) frequent use of ''absolutes.''

(I agree, my mindset had to be opened.)

''Absolutes'' are words that have no nuances. 

They are terms without exceptions.

Such as: always, forever, everyone, never, totally,

completely, non-negotiable, set in cement,

absolutely, only, and so on and on..............

After realizing how often I used absolutes 

I decided that I needed to dispense of

as many as possible. 

As the wise say: with your words you create

your world.

*

You know how there are some days that seem

to start with something annoying happening 

from the moment you get out of bed?

Like: Getting out of bed you trip on one of your

slippers and you hit your head on the corner of your

chest of drawers. Getting up from knocking

yourself out, you stumble into the bathroom,

look in the mirror and blood is dripping down

your face.

You do a quick clean and put a band-aid on the

wound. As you grab your toothbrush you

realize that you've run out of toothpaste.

You dress in a hurry grabbing whatever is

nearest.

Running down the steps to the kitchen

your cat, Baily, thinks you're playing and

starts to run between your feet.

Barely making it downstairs, the phone rings.

Where is it???Where is it????@!#

Finally you find it on the floor, pick it up

and just as you say Hello?....they hang up.

You turn on the kettle and stretch your arm

to put your toast in the toaster when Baily

decides to get your attention by pushing stuff

off the kitchen table.

Diving in order to catch your favourite coffee mug

from hitting the floor, the alarm goes off

and the smell of burnt toast fills the kitchen.

You open all the windows, turn off the alarm

and with gritted teeth, you finally make your coffee.

 You sit down and try to calm yourself.

You now know that you are running late and

that the traffic is going to be bumper to bumper.

Draining the last of your coffee, you get up

and put the milk back in to the fridge.

 While giving your mug a quick rinse, 

your sub-conscious

makes you have a look at the calendar 

on the fridge door.

What????? Geeeeeeeez#@!

Surely not!!

You look again.

Nope. 

You read it again.

Yep.

It is Saturday.

This is a blog about perspective

and how the words we choose to use to define

our experiences can change a dreary day to

a day of adventure and new experiences.

Always can be changed into ''often''

Everyone >    > ''many''

Never >   >seldom/not very often

Everybody >   > ''somebody"

Instead of starting with an absolute, start with

sometimes, it seems, it tends to be.......

At times I feel a bit.............

Thinking about how extra-ordinary  ''ordinary'' days 

are when I had ''one of those days'', made me

aware of how easy it is to take for granted

the many things that works day after day.

''Perspective is something that we are 

individually accountable and responsible for.

We, us, we decide the words we designate

to define our feelings, experiences and life.''

(Citizen Z)

It is indeed possible to hold two opposing ideas

at the same time methinks.

One can believe in freedom and at the same time

 believe in order.(Laws)

One can support new theories and at the same time

hang on to some old ones.

One can love heavy metal music and at the same time

adore Opera.

One can be deeply devoted to one's birth country

and at the same time champion support for

newcomers arriving from far away.

''We do not see things as they are,

we see things as we are.''

(Anais Nin)

(People have asked me what kind of music I

play, so I will give you a few options to

check out. All music, lyrics and arrangements

are composed by me.)

about the image: charcoal, water colour on fashion draft 

paper.

An oyster may be ugly on the outside but...................................

Is life easier for the ''beautiful'' people?

Does luck befall good-looking people more than

ordinary looking people?

Is it easier for the beautiful people to make friends?

Do the beautiful people find jobs easier and faster

than us common looking people?

Sadly, but according to scientific research, the answer

is resoundingly Yes.

Humanity is affected by beauty biases.

Although, exactly what constitutes ''beauty'' or

''beautiful'' methinks is highly subjective.

As the quote says: "Beauty is in the eyes

of the beholder.''

According to some statistics, I found that

only 1 - 2% of us humans can proudly wear

the badge "very/extremely beautiful" on our chests.

The same statistics also say that 68% of us are

deemed as ''ordinary/average'' looking.

But, when it comes to classifying the term

is there not a difference between beautiful and

attractive? Pretty and cute? 

The word ''beautiful'', may I suggest, is mere skin deep

whereas words such as exquisite, breathtaking,

lovely, attractive and gorgeous includes emotions and

admiration(awe) as well.

When I was playing music for a living I worked

with many, many different people.

Most gigs were performed in night-clubs, bars and

restaurants.

Usually the gigs lasted four hours with a 20 minute

break every hour.  During the breaks often

different members of the audience would

come up and chat with some of us in the band.

Well, not so much chat, often more like foreplay..

Somehow being on a stage and playing funky music

made us, the musicians, magically become ever so

much more attractive apparently.

One of the many singers I worked with was

one of those 1 - 2%-ers. Every gig we did,

women lined up to hand this guy their phone numbers.

Admittedly, he was a heck of a singer and he was a

.............. notorious player.(of women)

Watching him with different women every time

we worked, I decided to ask him what it was

like to have women chase after him all the time.

Surprisingly, he told me that he was tired of it.

-What? Nah. I don't believe you.

-Well, in the beginning it was awesome but

lately I have begun to feel like a man**ore,

he said.

-You are a player, aren't you though? I asked.

-I am, but I am also more than that and one-night-stands

have started to bore me, he answered as he lit a cigarette.

His answer surprised me. Was it possible that being

beautiful/attractive came with drawbacks? Then

it dawned on me that maybe he had started to

feel objectified and didn't like it.

It's been said that ''it's hard to change a first

hand impression once we've made one.''

Some say that this is because of the ''primacy effect'',

a cognitive bias where the brain locks onto

early information for efficiency and speed

in making judgements. When it comes to

understanding and benevolent communication

with others....not so much.

My own life experiences have shown me that

first hand judgements though at times very

helpful can often be just as counterproductive.

There are thankfully possible ways to overturn negative

and unhelpful first impressions.

Example: ''Maybe there is another way to interpret

this xyz......I may have made a rash judgement.....''

and, this is my personal opinion...

''the more we get to know and understand someone,

something, the more attractive it/he/she/they become.''

Think of a pearl....

I don't know who the first person was that decided

to ignore the ugly, rock hard outer shell of an oyster,

but I bet ya that he/she was mightily surprised

to find a gleaming white perfectly round ''stone''

inside of it. (Don't think that that person knew that

eventually it was to be named a ''pearl''.)

Beauty, for me, is first and foremost light.

This painting is named ''Glimpses of Beauty''.

I painted it in order to display the importance

of light for the existence of beauty.

Light is vital, light makes our existence possible.

Light is a metaphor for hope, for knowledge,

wisdom and understanding.

''Outer beauty is a gift.

Inner beauty is an accomplishment.''

(Randi G. Fine)

about the images: Top: acrylic on large cardboard ''Isn't she lovely?''

middle: acrylic on large canvas  ''Glimpses of Beauty''

bottom: ink & crayon on paper ''I rather be a candle than curse the

darkness''

Difficult? Me? Nah, just different.......:)

-He was so good-looking that my eyes hurt

just looking at him, she said.

-Really? What about him made him so painfully

good looking? I asked.

-I don't know exactly, it can be hard to pinpoint.

Perhaps the symmetry of his features? she answered.

-Perhaps. I think I've heard it said that us humans

find beauty in patterns and symmetry.

-There's also a saying that '' beauty is in the eyes

of the beholder'' isn't there, she said.

-Indeed. Although, not only in the eyes methinks.

I think the same goes for ears, touch, taste and smell as well.

-How do you mean?

-Music is often described as beautiful as in the

saying: ''The true beauty of music is that it connects 

people.'' (Roy Ayers)

A nice soft, velvety piece of fabric can feel

beautiful to the touch. The fragrance from a 

bouquet of freshly picked ''Lilies of the Valley''

may excite our sense of smell and make us exclaim:

The flowers smell absolutely beautiful!

And a ripe, juicy navel orange segment may

make us close our eyes and just focus all our

attention on the beautiful taste it brings

to our taste buds, don't you agree? I asked.

-I do, she said and then continued; now lets go

and get ourselves some navel oranges, please.

Language, so says those in the know,

 is not set in cement. It keeps changing

with time, in time with the time in which it is spoken.

An aspect to the English language that I

really like is the use of bridging words, also

called  ''cushion words''.

Bridging words(softening words) can be used

to politely transition words that could be

 interpreted as negative or critical to words

that are softer, kinder and more supportive. 

They can also be used to help keeping a

conversation flowing without accidentally/

unintentionally incurring heated emotions.

Swedish is my first language, English my second.

However, I have lived here in Australia for so long

now that English has become my first language.

Swedish, in my opinion, is a very direct language.

Too much so, which I've been told many times.

This habit has taken me many years to overcome

in order for me to now be able to make good use

of ''bridging'' words.

''Toning down'' my language is good for speaking

English, alas, not so good for speaking Swedish.

Now, when Swedish relatives or friends visit

me, they often laugh at my in their opinion,

very antiquated and back-to-front Swedish.

When I was a kid I was bullied in school

every day until I started grade 8 (High School).

Teachers viewed me as strange but smart,

the students called me weirdo, stupid and dumbass.

Sometimes it made me feel very lonely, alienated

and inadequate but my connection with music

(all genres)was so strong(still is) and fulfilling that

it almost always(yes, always!) comforted and

provided me with a world that I knew I belonged to.

Although I have never viewed myself as a victim,

those early years did leave scars that every now and 

then affects my mental health.

Watching a doco on how the view on mental health

has developed through the years have made me aware

of how much the terminology and language around and

about mental health issues have changed. (Thank goodness!!!)

Bridging words have been so useful and helpful

for me to be able to communicate more effectively

with other people that I thought maybe you would

appreciate me sharing some of them with you.

Instead of:

Boring >use> Interesting

Difficult >use> Challenging

Weird >use> Different, Unique

Frustrating >use> Challenging

Complicated >use> Intricate

Long-winded >use> Thought-provoking

stubborn >use> Goal orientated

demanding >use> detail-orientated

narrow-minded >use> conventional

 I would also like to suggest that the use of

the word normal, the prefix ''over'' and

the word ''too'' as in for example:

over-sensitive, -thinking, -powering, -estimating,

too introverted, -sensitive, -complicated, -difficult,

and so on and so on and so on be exchanged for

softer/cushion/bridging words.

There are many options these days for far less

stigmatizing words for us to use when communicating

with each other such as: objective, supportive

and descriptive terms. A person's behaviour often

offer us a clue as to what need might be unmet.

Instead of telling someone to not ''over-dramatize''

xyz.......try: ''You seem upset. Would you like to

chat about it?''

''I am wondering if you are feeling a bit anxious?

Is that so?''

With the help of friends and

professionals I have now come to

understand myself as a neurodivergent

creative/artistic person.

And I'm very happy to belong with

other neurodivergent creative/artistic persons

cause I know there's lots of us.

It is possible to disagree

without being disagreeable.

It is possible to have an opinion

without being opinionated.

It is possible to be knowable

without being a know-it-all.

It is possible to turn words into weapons

but why on earth would you?

(Citizen Z)

about the images: ''La Belle Anthony''

Photo some editing in Elements

''Citizen Z''

Photo, editing in Elements