When you look in the mirror who do you see?

Dry heaving into the toilet bowl he silently cursed himself.

Too much. Once again too much. He flushed, and then

came face to face with a man he no longer knew.

Staring at the face in the mirror he asked it: -Who the

hell are you and what have you done with the face

that used to stare at me?

He rinsed his face with cold water, grabbed his

 toothbrush and discovered that the minty taste

of the toothpaste made him feel a little less

nauseous. Good. He had to be at work in 45 minutes.

A consistent drumming on the windowsill told

him that it was raining. -Taxi, I think. 

Donning his Mack he closed the door behind 

him and ran down the stairs to the entrance.

The Taxi was already there. Fifteen minutes later he

was serving his first customer.

As the day went on, the shop became so busy that

he didn't even have the time to have some lunch,

little less contemplate how he was feeling.

By the time closing time came around, he felt

good enough to walk home.

The first thing he did when he came home

from his 2nd job, the one at the night club,

was to look in the mirror. He was curious to find out

whether the strange man he saw in the mirror

that morning was still there.

Yep. Still there, although not looking as rough.

-Who are you???? he asked the intransigent,

obstinate and voiceless mirror. 

No answer. Obviously. Mirrors don't speak.

Or........do they?

If the mirror could speak, what would it

 say to me? he asked the mirror.

Staring so intently at the mirror that the image

 started to blur, he suddenly heard a voice:

-Who am I? The better question is...... who are you?

What?? Rubbing his eyes hoping to see the

image more clearly didn't make any difference.

It was still blurry. Okay. This is madness but

lets play along.

-What do you mean? I am you.

Really? If I am you, what happened to that you?

The you who had dreams, hopes and a lot of love?

-Life happened. Life happens. In a life a person

experiences tragedies, comedies and everything

in between. Life, I have concluded, is suffering.

To be or not to be, is that not the question? he asked the mirror.

That is one question. There are many more.

For instance, why do you drink so much?

Is that why you have suddenly decided to

speak to me? To chastise me? I work

in a night club. Everyone drinks.

Possibly. Drinking alcohol to excess every night

however does affect your mental and physical health.

You know this. This is when the ''stranger'' shows

up in the mirror instead of me.

Those words hurt, he thought to himself.

Looking at the blurry image in the mirror

he thought back to a time when the I,

the you or.... me...? were one and the same.

I'm not happy. I'm not following my dreams.

I'm lousy at relationships. I always get my

heart broken. Meanwhile the years fly by.

You are right mirror, I need to find a way

to become the real me again.

Please, tell me how to do it.

Please help me find me in the mirror again.

After a long silence the mirror finally answered.

The core/real you is a highly sensitive person.

An empath. This means that you are sensitive to others 

needs, feelings and emotions. 

You notice things that others don't.

You are a good listener.

However, because of your sensitivity

you often feel that you don't belong

which may be influencing you to seek

''masks'' to hide behind. 

Such as alcohol, drugs and other

''masking'' behaviours and methods.

The more masks you use the more you will find

it hard to find again the authentic you in the mirror.

-Ouch. Why is my body hurting so much?

Moving his limbs he realizes that he is

laying on the floor beneath the mirror.

-I am so confused, he says to himself as he gets 

up on his feet. He looks at the mirror.

The mirror looks back at him.

The blurriness is gone.

-Wow, what a crazy dream that was.

Was it a dream? A talking mirror. 

Huh. I must be going crazy.

Noticing that it is still dark outside

 he realizes that it's still night.

Still fully clothed he creeps in to

his bed and instantly falls asleep.

Have a good sleep, whispers the mirror.

about the image: Citizen Kane, acrylic on large water colour paper

There's a big difference between Bad and Evil..............

 

What does an ''evil'' person look like?

Can such a strong judgement be made by

visuals only?

Considering that some of the worlds most

prolific serial killers and murderers in general

visually often are deemed as ''looking like just

 plain ordinary people'',

how is it that more often than not, once we're

told of their terrible crimes they somehow

now look ''evil''?

The definition of evil ''in them old days'', meant *bad and exceeding

proper boundaries. During the 1800th century however, morals

 was added to the concept of the word. This meant that extreme moral 

wickedness became part of the understanding and use of the word.

Evil, says those in the know, is a concept that existed long before

there were organized religions. 

From an evolutionary, historical and linguistic perspective,

what started out of necessity(survival) as ''bad'' and ''good'',

one may perhaps speculate has evolved into a kind

      of ''moral intuition''.                 *plus a bunch of other things

For years I have tried to understand if it is possible for

something/an act to be considered evil if there is no intention

or calculation behind it. 

If there is no intention or conscious act causing harm

to someone or something, I am wondering if that perhaps 

is not more along the lines of an unintentional outcome

rather than an evil and calculated outcome.

Accidents for instance. An outcome can be disastrous,

non-repairable, the loss of a life even......but if there's

 no intent behind it, does evil really come into it?

I'm scrambling for situations in which the word evil 

can be used without any undertones of moral judgement.

I even find it hard to view acts in nature or by nature 

as evil for instance, although some do.

According to those in the know, we are using the word

 ''evil'' more these days but stat wise speaking, 

acts that are often classified as evil such as

 murder and kidnapping, are not increasing.

It's just that thanks to all manners of Media,

Bad/evil news gets more attention than Good

News. Politically speaking, the more we

are persuaded that the ''others'' are evil,

the more polarized we become.

The above image is a large poster I painted

as part of an Exhibition called Cinefiend.

His name is Dr. Mabuse and though a mere

invention of Norbert Jacques, to me he

represents the personification of an evil person.

''He is a master of disguise and telepathic hypnosis.

He is known to employ body transference through the

use of demonic possession. Sometimes he uses

technologies to build a society of crime.

Mabuse hardly ever commits crimes himself,

instead he works through a network of agents

who enact his schemes thus remaining out

of reach of being apprehended.

Mabuse's agents range from career criminals

to blackmailed or hypnotized innocents who

are so totally manipulated that they don't

even know that they are being used.''

Although Mabuse first appeared in a book

in the 1920's in Germany, personally I can actually

think of a few people who could easily

fit into the criteria above.

*

I have come to think that calling someone ''evil''

instead of ''bad'' can have grave consequences.

I believe it dehumanizes a person, it shows a lack of

empathy and polarizes rather the brings closer

people of different views.

Calling someone ''bad'' on the other hand, for me is a

more adaptive and malleable word.

''He is evil'' sounds judgmental and fixed

in my view.  ''He is bad'' by contrast

sounds to me like ''he tends to make 

questionable choices.''

In other words, a temporary position

in need of an adjustment.

Bad can be changed. 

Evil is fixed.

''Bad is when you ignore the ones you love.

But evil is when you know 

exactly what the ones you love

want and need,

And knowing that,

 you find a way to make sure

that you'll never give it to them.''

(Citizen Z)

about image: Acrylic on large water colour paper

Title: Dr. Mabuse

Feeling unlucky? Take heart, it's just a random apex of possibilities........

Is there such a thing as luck?

Are some people just born lucky and 

some other of us just born unlucky?

Is ''luck'' something magic bestowed on some

very special people or is it something that can

be scientifically proven to be ''real''?

Personally I believe that luck is a term for

a phenomenon based on a cognitive mindset,

 an optimistic and positive perception/interpretation 

of an event/something.......xyz

 Lucky = The apex of random positive possibilities colliding

and interpreted as ''being lucky''.

Unlucky = The apex of random negative possibilities colliding

and interpreted as ''being unlucky''.

-How lucky you are to have been born with so

many creative talents, she said.

-Lucky? How do you mean? I responded.

-Well, nobody in my family has any artistic

talents and I can only draw stick figures, she retorted.

I have been told this so many times that

I have started to wonder what the motivation

may be behind the statement:

''How lucky you are to have been born with so

many creative talents''.

It may be intended as a compliment but 

the way I experience it, it

 doesn't feel like an acknowledgment of all the 

years of hard work, successes and failures and hours of

honing one's skill.

Nor does it feel as an acknowledgment of the sacrifices

made of one's waking time spent in the solitary pursuit

needed in order to become an expert, a master, a virtuoso.

A long time ago when by accident, or destiny? I

became a regular contributor to a small publication,

I wrote a piece on gifts/talents and how I believe

that we are all born with gifts of one kind or another,

 it's just that many of us don't tend to look for it.

If there is an activity that when you do it you

loose yourself, time flies and you feel energized

then that may be your gift.

(And it does not include doing harm to anybody

 or yourself. Or any critter at all.)

A gift is in my view something that begins as a ''seed''

but with perseverance and dedication to the nurture of it

 it grows, expands, develops, and the more we spend time

being/doing/with it, the more creative we become.

''Being creative is often misunderstood as a

stroke of luck or a rare talent, when in reality,

it is a deliberate, consistent and learned process.''

(don't know)

In my view, the one time that I

do believe it's all about luck, is

where we happen to be born.

Half of gifted students 

fly under the radar.

(ABC)

about the image: ''Darkman''  

Graphite on watercolor paper

Some editing in Elements.

Illusions may seem friendly......but they can't be trusted

Illusions

Illusions all around me

Faces but no names.

Daily loud reminders

of humans crazy games.

Sometimes I get so tired

Of all this bloody waste.

What will have to happen

For us to our illusions break?

We throw away our souls

Like crumpled candy wrapper.

Chasing fame and fortune

as if that's what really matters.

Or so we tell ourselves

when loneliness prevails.

When our hearts feel weary

as we hide beneath our shells.

When cold winds blow

and fears and worries grow,

illusions are sweet comfort

compared to the unknown.

Illusions, like a house of straw,

may seem real not a lie at all.

But then one day wisdom calls

and down comes all the walls.

(Citizen Z)

''When you look in the mirror,

what do you see?

Do you see the REAL you or

what you have been conditioned

to believe is you?

The two are so, so different.

One is an infinite consciousness

capable of being and creating

whatever it chooses.

The other is an illusion

imprisoned by its own

perceived and programmed 

limitations.''

(David Icke)

about the image: Water colour on bad, bad thin paper.

Edited in Elements.