Control is an illusion

Ensconced in his father's embrace the little

boy feels safe. Although having endured trials,

 tribulations, visions of despair and

devastation far beyond his understanding,

his trust in his father's strength and ability

to protect him, is... absolute.

*

Certainty of what's going to happen next;

second, minute, hour, week, etc. etc. etc.

is according to ''those in the know'' a very,

if not THE most powerful psychological and

social drive for us humans.

We are pattern seeking creatures/beings with minds

/brains that are able to quickly identify patterns and then

sort them in to categories as in for example: 

unsafe, safe, dangerous, unstable, poisonous,

etc. or good for eating, good for sheltering under,

good for making friends with and so on.

Scrambling for a sense of certainty in life

is something that is ''inbuilt/inherent'' in us 

so the smart folks say.

However, judging from personal experience and research

on the subject, always needing certainty can be risky.

I use the word ''risky'' because needing certainty can

easily digress into needing control.

In psychology seeking to have control is a ''form

of anxiety''. 

We can plan ahead, we can make maps(mental 

and geographical), we can load up on all the information

we think we may need to know, but........we

cannot prevent things from going wrong, fall

apart, crack etc...........

Unexpected things have a tendency to show up

regardless of how much we may prepare ourselves.

Teenagers are fabulous at teaching us that as

parents we need to let go of believing that we

control them. Waiting for my child to come home

from going to parties, duffs or festivals was

a seven different hells experience.

I had to learn that negotiation and not law

and order kept our relationship healthy.

I have experienced myself how anxiety can

get out of hand and how scrambling for control

rather than down-playing any uncertainty can

make a person(me) even more anxious.

Then one day my doctor gave me a book and

told me to read it. I did.

GAD. Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Basically, one is anxious about everything.

This anxiousness often tend to tempt us

to try to control what or who-ever makes us anxious.

The problem with trying to control people

and things is that that bases my(your?) well-being

on factors that are outside of me(you).

This doesn't work.

Shift to what may work.

A. Focus on my (your) own strengths and

competencies.

       B.  I(you) am the owner of my(your) life and 

my(your) emotions. Take charge.

''Releasing the illusion of control

can quiet an anxious mind.''

(Dr. Rick Hansen)

about the image: Acrylic on large canvas +

some editing in Elements

*

(People have asked me what kind of music I

play, so I will give you a few options to

check out. All music, lyrics and arrangements

are composed by me.)

Who looks back at you in your mirror?

This painting is called ''Wishful Thinking''.

''The mirror doesn't lie.''

Well, maybe the mirror doesn't, but we often do.

When we look at ourselves in a mirror,

we may think that what we see is a

true reflection of what we are seeing. 

But it isn't.

It may be true-ish but not accurate.

How so?

Eyes are not ''lenses'' and the ''camera house''

is not a brain.

''Vision is an active neurological and biological

reconstruction of data edited and interpreted by our 

brains as to fit in with our belief systems and

our sub-conscious and conscious reality.''

There was a time in my life when I suffered

with Anorexia.

Having been skinny all my life, I ignored friends

when they began telling me that I was getting

 ''too'' skinny. I had noticed that my clothes were

getting really(!)comfortable but I seriously did

not think of myself as ''too'' skinny. I put my skinniness

down to working all hours of the day, raising a son

and being a good spouse.

I looked at myself in the mirror and could see

that I was slim, but skinny? Nah....

Until one day when I was trying on a new T-shirt

in a changing room and suddenly could see

how my clavicle bones were protruding through

the cloth of the T-shirt.

Once I could see the shoulder bones sticking out

I could also see that it was the same with my knee

and hip bones. I decided to go to a doctor.

Standing on the scales I realized just how much weight 

I had lost. Not only weight, I was also losing hair.

The doctor told me to stand in front of his mirror

and then he sternly said: ''If you do not put on weight

 immediately your body will shut down and you will die.

You need to go and see a psychologist. NOW.''

I did.

*

This image is called : ''Looking thru a Kaleidoscope.''

I love Kaleidoscopes because basically you are

looking at the same mirrors all the time, but by

rotating the coloured bits in front of the mirrors the

image changes and is never exactly the same again.

Now imagine that those bits have words on them.

(Words that are words that you think when you see

yourself in the mirror.)

According to those in the know, when we do this

we often tend to focus on negative words

rather than positive ones.

When we look at ourselves in the mirror, 

we do so through many layers of different biases,

but also through stuff we've read on social media

and things people may have said to us.

Bias examples:

Weight, age, beauty, confirmation, stereotyping,

etc. etc. etc. and many more types of biases.

Trying to find a way to say that eyes are not

 ''cameras'' I finally arrived at this:

''Vision is an active neurological and biological

reconstruction of data edited and interpreted by our 

brains as to fit in with our belief systems and

our sub-conscious and conscious reality.''

(Think about it and you may like me suddenly

get that you have never actually seen your

face with your own two eyes. Only reflected.)

''When you look in the mirror,

see a friend not a critic.''

(Remez Sosson)

(People have asked me what kind of music I

play, so I will give you a few options to

check out. All music, lyrics and arrangements

are composed by me.)

about the images: Top: acrylic on large canvas

Kaleidoscope: Water colour on paper

''A musical instrument in the hands of a skilled musician can tell us stories without the use of one single word.''

I close the door, sling my bag with sheet music in it over my

shoulder and start running down the stairs.

I'm late, I'm hang-over and I'm tired. 

Luckily the tube pulls in to the station just as I arrive.

Totally out of breath from running, I sit down on 

one of the worn-out vinyl covered seats and slowly 

 fill my lungs with air.

-I got to stop smoking, I tell myself for 99th time,

then pull my bag close to my chest and close my eyes.

The sound of the train wheels crossing

the track-joins goes: padam.... padam .... padam ....

I close my eyes and the rhythmical sound from

the train almost sends me to sleep.

Well, it probably would send me to sleep 

if just the infernal banging inside 

my skull would just stop!!!

But it doesn't, so I open my eyes again.

Staring into nothing, I hear the conductor

call out the name of my stop.

Cautiously I stand up. 

Urk. Not good. I need some water in a hurry.

I get off the train on wobbly legs and then

slowly make my way up the stairs 

from the underground

to the street level. 

As soon as I hit street level, a fresh gush of autumn wind

caresses' my face and momentarily soothes my searing headache.

I love walking to Club in the early evening autumn light.

Not only because of the tangerine hue that

seems to settle on everything it touches,

but also because of the myriad of mouthwatering food 

aromas that somehow manages to find their way 

to blend in with the breath of autumn.

-Think I'll order something to eat before we

play. I do feel a bit better now and it will definitely

be coffee all night tonight, I tell myself sternly as

I hurry up the steps to the Club.

Walking through the kitchen I order a pizza

from the chef and then walk to the musicians room.

There I turn on the light and put down my bag on a chair.

Rudy, the bass player, is already there as is

Jurgen, the drummer, and Tommy, the tenor

sax player. We've played together for so long

that when we do a gig, we usually greet each other

 with a nod, a lifted eyebrow or a quick 'hey'.

Greetings all done, I grab my sheet music and

walk on to the stage.

There it stands, my beautiful black stallion; 

a Steinway grand piano.

I disrobe the grand piano of its red and black velvet cover.

Then I lift the lid as high as possible making

 sure to secure it with the long prop (stick). 

This done, then I place the sheet music on the

stand and sit down on the piano stool.

I'm ready to become one, to tell a story,

 with this beautiful instrument.

As long as I can remember, my view on musical instruments

have always been that they are to

 be revered, respected and always treated with

loving care.

''A musical instrument in the hands of a skilled

musician can tell us stories without the use of

one single word.''

(Citizen Z)

I have now finally managed to get some of my music

up on YouTube.

If you are interested, this is how you can

find some:

Moving Target. Noir.

My Home Is In My Heart. Eva Breckon-Thomas

about the image : ink and texters on large paper

It is possible to hold two opposing ideas at the same time.........................

Is it possible to hold two opposite thoughts in our

heads/minds at the same time?

Or as George Orwell puts it: ''Doublethink means the power

of holding two contradictory belief's in ones

mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.''

Getting our minds around the fact that two opposing

ideas can somehow sometimes be possible, can at times

make us feel uncomfortable, unsettled and unresolved.

We much prefer dichotomy because it offers us

 two clear options to choose from: right or wrong. 

If something is right it can't be wrong.

  Cognitive dissonance, meaning to hold two

opposing ideas in our heads at the same time, can

for some of us be rather challenging.

Like for instance: Being sick and healthy at

the same time. One can't be healthy if one is sick, yeah.

 Or simultaneously being stingy and generous,

 open and closed, friendly and unfriendly, or kind and mean.

A long time ago a friend challenged me concerning

my(in his opinion) frequent use of ''absolutes.''

(I agree, my mindset had to be opened.)

''Absolutes'' are words that have no nuances. 

They are terms without exceptions.

Such as: always, forever, everyone, never, totally,

completely, non-negotiable, set in cement,

absolutely, only, and so on and on..............

After realizing how often I used absolutes 

I decided that I needed to dispense of

as many as possible. 

As the wise say: with your words you create

your world.

*

You know how there are some days that seem

to start with something annoying happening 

from the moment you get out of bed?

Like: Getting out of bed you trip on one of your

slippers and you hit your head on the corner of your

chest of drawers. Getting up from knocking

yourself out, you stumble into the bathroom,

look in the mirror and blood is dripping down

your face.

You do a quick clean and put a band-aid on the

wound. As you grab your toothbrush you

realize that you've run out of toothpaste.

You dress in a hurry grabbing whatever is

nearest.

Running down the steps to the kitchen

your cat, Baily, thinks you're playing and

starts to run between your feet.

Barely making it downstairs, the phone rings.

Where is it???Where is it????@!#

Finally you find it on the floor, pick it up

and just as you say Hello?....they hang up.

You turn on the kettle and stretch your arm

to put your toast in the toaster when Baily

decides to get your attention by pushing stuff

off the kitchen table.

Diving in order to catch your favourite coffee mug

from hitting the floor, the alarm goes off

and the smell of burnt toast fills the kitchen.

You open all the windows, turn off the alarm

and with gritted teeth, you finally make your coffee.

 You sit down and try to calm yourself.

You now know that you are running late and

that the traffic is going to be bumper to bumper.

Draining the last of your coffee, you get up

and put the milk back in to the fridge.

 While giving your mug a quick rinse, 

your sub-conscious

makes you have a look at the calendar 

on the fridge door.

What????? Geeeeeeeez#@!

Surely not!!

You look again.

Nope. 

You read it again.

Yep.

It is Saturday.

This is a blog about perspective

and how the words we choose to use to define

our experiences can change a dreary day to

a day of adventure and new experiences.

Always can be changed into ''often''

Everyone >    > ''many''

Never >   >seldom/not very often

Everybody >   > ''somebody"

Instead of starting with an absolute, start with

sometimes, it seems, it tends to be.......

At times I feel a bit.............

Thinking about how extra-ordinary  ''ordinary'' days 

are when I had ''one of those days'', made me

aware of how easy it is to take for granted

the many things that works day after day.

''Perspective is something that we are 

individually accountable and responsible for.

We, us, we decide the words we designate

to define our feelings, experiences and life.''

(Citizen Z)

It is indeed possible to hold two opposing ideas

at the same time methinks.

One can believe in freedom and at the same time

 believe in order.(Laws)

One can support new theories and at the same time

hang on to some old ones.

One can love heavy metal music and at the same time

adore Opera.

One can be deeply devoted to one's birth country

and at the same time champion support for

newcomers arriving from far away.

''We do not see things as they are,

we see things as we are.''

(Anais Nin)

(People have asked me what kind of music I

play, so I will give you a few options to

check out. All music, lyrics and arrangements

are composed by me.)

about the image: charcoal, water colour on fashion draft 

paper.