Some of us may hold the opinion that a lot of behaviour
can be dismissed as just attention seeking.
One of a number of problems with that is that it simplifies
a behaviour that may have many underlying complex
reasons.
Dismissing a person's behaviour as ''just
attention seeking'' can be very invalidating
and damning for someone with a fragile
self-esteem.
These days we can all be critics of basically
of anyone and everything. We can spew horrific critique
that can cut someone's self-esteem into slivers, crush
someone's dreams into smithereens and obliterate
someone's hope so severely that they loose all sense
of meaning and purpose for their lives.
Not only that, we can do so anonymously
if we want to. After all, we all have the right to have
our own opinions, don't we?
Even if our opinions are founded not on
facts and thoughtful research but almost solely
on feelings, we are often quick to express them
non the less.
And sadly though true, the fact that we can do
so without culpability makes it so much easier
to do than to express our opinions face to face.
Many individuals who aspire to be the best
at what they love doing, be it sports, arts,
cooking, photographing, curating, etc. etc.
etc. it seems to me will have to put up
with someone whispering under their breath:
''He/she/they are only doing it to get attention.''
Personally, I have lost count on how many times
I have been accused of ''only doing it(being a musician,
painter, writer)for the attention''.
I have a huge problem with people assuming that
someone spending all their energy and time
on being able to master something they
love doing just for attention.
Why? Because it invalidates and dismisses that
individual's hard work and staunch commitment
to reach a personal goal/outcome.
Although I've spent years performing on a number of
different stages varying from a tiny raised floor to
in front of a camera as in on MTV, the attention was
not what I sought. The attention was the drawback.
It was all about the music and making music with
others who all felt the same way.
There may be some people who are all about the
attention, but speaking from years of experience,
most people who become masters at their
discipline(art, sport, etc.) become masters because
of a single-minded commitment and dedication
to conquer through hard work and discipline
to earn the title: virtuoso, maestro etc. etc. GOAT.
So, now to the story about:
The American Geisha
On the day she was born
there were no fanfares.
Her conception not planned
just an unfortunate result.
Yet there she was
a bouncing 12 pounds.
From the very first moment
it was very, very clear
this girl was determined
and she had no peer.
She wanted to shine
everywhere and all the time.
She demanded attention
her methods sublime.
Going to school was such a bore
every lesson just a snore,
so at fourteen she had enough
....she took off, left in a huff.
She knew she was destined
for a glamorous life
so she donned a tutu
and started to dance.
But thing's didn't go the way she hoped
she ran out of money, she discovered dope.
Days became nights, caresses fights
disappointments and sadness an endless loop.
She started to hide behind her illusions
reality but, another delusion
so she spiraled down, down, and further down
no more joy, no princess crown.
Her face once so young and pretty
now elicited only pity
her body once so beautiful
now, only pitiful.
She decided to numb herself out of existence.
She woke in hospital
feeling rather dismal
but with one redeeming factor,
nurses at her beck and call.
As fresh blood entered her vein
so fresh thoughts entered her brain.
She was special, she was great
she was a princess yet once again.
She bought a tutu, a magic wand
a set of fairy wings,
a princess crown.
Her girth growing,
her soul, glowing.
Seeking endless attention
from everyone and everywhere
a bottomless pit, a road to nowhere.
This she knew, she knew its despair.
So she donned a mask, very white very bright.
Like a graceful geisha, a beautiful sight.
On her wings, colours blue, red and white,
no longer hiding, no longer trite.
She calls herself the American Geisha
as she dances through the nights.
Showered with attention all lit up in lights,
but when the show is over and it's time to say goodbye,
she knows she's just plain Lisa,
and that is now all right.
(Citizen Z)
about the image: acrylic on large canvas
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