It takes a childlike mindset to be an adult........

One of my favourite tunes of all time is a tune called

''A Child is born" composed by Thad Jones.

It's a very mellow and beautifully constructed piece of

music and I used to love playing it.

Originally it was an instrumental piece but after Alec Wilder

heard it performed by the Thad Jones-Mel Lewis Orchestra,

he felt compelled to put lyrics to it.

(Tony Bennet does a wonderful rendition of it.)

Though I left Sweden many years ago, the other day a Swedish

song about children made its way to my frontal lobe.

The song is called ''The mysterious people'' and

it describes the many ways children can transform

for instance: a pile of pillows into a deserted island, 

a handful of pebbles into a handful of golden coins,

an ordinary bed into a ship full of pirates,

a broom into a magical flying dragon.

The song begins with the words:

''Children are a people, 

a people who live in a different land...''

(A land that only children can inhibit.)

What is a child?

''Children are not things to be molded, but are people

to be unfolded.'' (Jess Lair)

''Children are great imitators so give them something

great to imitate.''(Anonymous)

''Children need models rather than critics.'' (Joseph Joubert)

''Children are a third of our population and all of our

future.''(Promotion of Child Health)

''Children see magic because they look for it.'' (Christopher Moore)

Many of us adults have spent much of our lives learning

how to sublimate our imagination, to live in our ''heads'',

regurgitating our past and fretting about the future. 

Sometimes even to the extent that it feels strange and

kind of unnatural to ''live''(be fully present) in the now.

Children often have the ability to immerse themselves

in their activities, whereas many of us adults often find it 

quite difficult to stay totally focused at the task at hand.

Give a child a brush, some paints and a canvas and 

off they'll go... instant Picasso's.

Give an adult a brush, some paints and a canvas, and

more often than not the adult will say something

to the effect: ''Oh, I am not artistic, I wouldn't be

able paint anything good.''

Children, according to those in the know, live in the process

of the ''doing'', adults are often more outcome orientated.

For a child, each new brush stroke leads to a new 

creation/imagination and discovery. 

Often, us adults tend to stick with judging what we are

doing according to how well we are able to actually paint what we

have in our mind's eye.

Put on some music and more often than not a child will

start to move his/her body(dance) regardless of what kind of music

it is.

Many of us adults often need encouragement(often alcohol) in order to 

start ''dancing like nobody's watching''.

''Oh, no thanks, I don't dance,'' she says although she would love to.

She just knows she'll make a fool of herself.

If you ask a child what he/she wants to be when he/she

grows up, anything is possible.

''What would you like to be when you grow up, Lukas?''

''Batman, I wanna be Batman'', answers Lukas.

Ask a teenager the same question and the answer may be:

''I don't know, I just want a job.''

Most of us adults probably had dreams as children of 

many things that we were going to do when we ''grew up''.

However, for many of us life got in the way 

and so far most of those things were never fulfilled.

 As we have matured, what we once deemed as possible or achievable

as children no longer seem neither plausible or doable.

That's being an adult, innit?

Well, yes and no.

Lately I have come to the conclusion that there are

some ''childlike ways'' that we may benefit from hanging on to.

Such as: curiosity, imagination, a sense of wonderment and awe,

enjoying the moment, laughing out loud, crying out loud,

doing silly stuff, focusing on the process rather than judging, etc. etc.

''It takes a childlike mindset to be an adult.''

(Citizen Z)

''We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old

because we stop playing.''

(George Bernard Shaw)

''Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem

to be solved.''

(Winnie the Poh)

''A child is not a small adult.

If such was the case,

I fear that lack of fun,

wonder and amazement,

 would be the sad, sad result.''

(Citizen Z)

about the image: acrylic on cardboard, some Photoshopping

Did you know that there 250 are children born on earth every minute?

Feeling a bit squeezed emotionally?

 Lately I have been feeling like a tube of toothpaste.

Stuff keeps happening and although I feel like there's no

more ''life''(paste) that can be squeezed out of me, something

happens and I'm squeezed yet again.

For about eight months now my son's health has been

deteriorating. Trying to find the reason for this, my son and I have

sought help from numerous experts.

''Maybe this expert may know'' we hope as we crisscross

the country in search for answers.

But so far, the answer to my son's illness seems to elude

every darn expert. (Not only that, often my son is treated

as if whatever ails him is ''all in his head''.)

Each time my son is treated with disdain, arrogance

and lack of empathy I can see hope and life

being squeezed out of him.

Though we have come far medically and technically

since leeches and blood letting, it seems that when it comes

 to compassion, patience and empathy for patients; 

aka ''bedside manners'', more work needs to be done.

Since my son's condition started to deteriorate he has asked

me to be present at his doctors/hospitals/experts appointments.

This has given me the chance to make some observations.

For instance: There is no touching unless one insists.

One has to ask if the doctor/expert has read, and/or has access to

all the patient's files, scans, MRI's, Ultra Sounds, prescriptions,

 etc. etc.

One has to ask: ''If this is not your area, who do you

suggest we see next?''

When my son was prescribed a particular medication

I researched the medication and discovered that taking it

could cause dangerous side-effects as it did not mix with

the medication my son already takes.

When I pointed that out to two of the experts they responded

very brusquely and basically shoved us out the door.

 Worst of it all is that my son is often treated with

a lack of compassion or any kind of positive input.

I have lost count of how many times we have left

appointments with our hopes dashed and feeling that

my son is not a patient but rather....a bad customer.

Driving home

As soon as I hear him close the car door, 

 his hope, his heart, drops to the floor.

A moment of silence,

calm before the storm,

I know what is coming,

as we journey back home.

Out pours his anger, 

fears and frustrations,

unfettered feelings

emotions reeling.

I focus on the road

I try to stay calm,

I listen intently,

I do no harm.

Slowly but surely,

his fury subsides,

his venting finished,

pushed back deep inside.

Alas, I am the catcher,

of the pain my son endures,

to lift, to bear, to carry,

to hope and reassure.

As we arrive at home,

we've both run out of words,

we share a meal in silence,

as hope and heart returns.

(Citizen Z)

Though I am feeling a bit squeezed out at the moment,

....there's always a little bit left.

about the image: pen on paper Photoshopped

Introvert or extrovert.....who gets to decide?

She looked at me and said: ''How does an introverted

person like you deal with performing in front of an audience?''

-Introverted? I was puzzled.

''What do you mean with introverted? I responded.

''Well, I mean that you are a very internally driven person.''

Many years have passed since that conversation so I'm

not even sure if the terms ''extroverted'' and ''introverted'' are still

being used by psychologists.

None the less, for the purpose of this post I am still going to use

those terms.

A psychologist by the name of Carl Jung began using these terms

during the 1920's: ''Introverts turn to their own minds to

recharge their energies, extroverts seek out other people for

their energy needs.''

In my view; introverts often seek answers to their ''dilemmas'' 

within their own(but not always) inner beings, 

extroverts often prefers(but not always) doing so in the company

 of someone. 

And then there are ''ambiverts''; swinging between the two

(extrovert/introvert)depending on circumstances, mindset at 

the time and emotional state.

The first time I looked up the word introvert I found the

definitions quite disparaging: wallflower, brooder, loner, 

reclusive, shy, quiet, etc. etc. Hmm, not terribly encouraging.

What about extrovert then? Extrovert: outgoing, sociable,

gregarious, friendly, lively, people-orientated, etc. etc.

Obviously a preferable personality trait.

Being an introvert I instantly started to analyze and deeply

ponder all aspects of the definitions I came across.  

 Shy? Is that not an emotion rather than a trait?

Don't we all have times when we choose a bit of peace and

quiet rather than company?

To observe and ponder before we act?

To think before we speak?

What I found when I was researching introversion was what

I would view as bias.(Bias, as in partiality and prejudice.)

''Introverts are ''unfriendly'', hard to get to know, prefer their

own company, whereas extroverts are friendly, open, sociable,

etc....leaders.

Now, who gets to decide how much observing, thinking, 

reflecting, acting, socializing, inter-acting, communicating,

talking, etc. etc. a person has to do in order for he/she to be

labeled an extrovert or introvert?

I mean, ask a self-professed introvert to define what an extrovert

is and the answer may be: someone who never shuts up and

can't stay still.

Or, ask an extrovert to define what an introvert is and the answer

may be: someone too wrapped up in their own thoughts to

 notice life happening. 

Perhaps we would be better off not using the terms 

extrovert/introvert at all when we define our personalities?

Especially considering how we respond to most situations and circumstances

depends a lot on our emotional state at the time.

Some of us prefer to observe and think things through before

we act, and some of us prefer to go with our ''gut instinct''

and act instinctively.

Some of us enjoy spending a fair bit of time by ourselves, some of us enjoy

spending a lot of our time with friends.

Some of us prefer to be team players, some of us prefer to be

the leaders.

Some of us seek comfort in the company of others, some of find

comfort in being on our own.

Having said all this, in my view what is important to remember

is that we can all feel sad, lonely, left out, misunderstood,

not fitting in, uncertain and apprehensive at some time or another.

And knowing how that feels we can use that knowledge to support

and encourage someone else if he/she seems to be struggling.

Don't be bothered by my silence,

I wont be bothered by your noise.

I find strength in solitude and stillness,

you find yours in company and busyness.

Though different yet much the same,

to love and be loved is still the game.

(Citizen Z)

''We move along the continuum of introvert

and extrovert behaviours and preferences all day long.''

(Patricia Weber)

about the image: water colour on paper

"Sometimes she felt sad''

Just do you........what does that even mean?

 With utmost sincerity she looks him in the eyes and says:

''Just do you. Just be you.''

''Yeah, but what if you don't know who you really are? he says to himself.

He looks at his face in the mirror and it seems to him as

if the contours of his face are blurring.

What does just do you really mean?

Does it mean being indifferent to how others may perceive

me?

Does it mean doing what is right for me even if that causes

distress or concerns for others?

Or does it perhaps mean being genuine?

But, and this is a big but for me, does not who we are

vary depending on circumstances/situations, emotional states,

and previous experiences(memories)?

Some say that the self consists of three different domains:

the experiential self (memories), the ''narrator self/the interpreter'',

and the public self/persona.

Having said that, although we tend to experience the self as a 

sense of continuity and unity, most of us have probably experienced

times when we have felt conflicted, confused or uncertain about

who we really are.

(''That's not like me!! I'm not usually this emotional, I don't

know what got into me, etc. etc.'')

We may feel as if there is one solid ''me/self'' but according

to those in the know, to be a human is to experience a 

multiplicity of self-states.

Perhaps we think of the self as a ''thing'', as in that what we feel 

and think is always the same, but were we to recollect past

patterns of behaviour I have a feeling we would find

inconsistencies in those behaviour patterns.

Why? Because situations/circumstances matter.

Who we are with and where we are influence our sense of

self. 

''When I'm with my family I feel that I can be myself,

when I'm with people I don't really know I feel a bit

self-conscious, spending time doing my own thing I feel

selfish, etc. etc.''

 How we experience the self is often very influenced by

how we believe others see us.

Basically, our concept of who we are is shaped not only by

ourselves but also by others.

Unfortunately, sometimes our own opinions of who we are

can become blurred and skewed by too much reliance

on others opinions.

The advent of social media which allows us to share content

with others, have made it possible for us to create ''fictitious''

selves. 

You don't have to do you, you can do the you you

would like to be.

Although the long-term psychological impact social media has 

and or will have on individuals may still be somewhat uncertain,

we do know some things.

We know that our lives are and have been digitized and

become tied up in metrics and algorithms. 

Our ''real'' selves have been split into online ''avatars'',

 profile images(fake or real) and status updates(fake or real).

Connected as we are, in my view, what we have ignorantly unleashed

is a growing number of complex psychological issues

that has changed our collective sense of reality. 

Is it even possible to be ''real'' if you don't have any content about

yourself on the internet, don't own an i-Thingy or any

other tech-thing?

Have we been swept up so far into the virtual world

that we have lost all sense of the ''real'' us, the ''real'' world,

and taking the time to make ''real'' connections with ''real''

family, friends and strangers?

Stepping away from the virtual world and its rewards,

how can one become a more ''real/genuine'' person?

''Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom,'' so

said Aristotle.

Perhaps, 

I am today not what I was yesterday, 

nor what I will be tomorrow,

who I am,

 is still,

to be decided.

(Citizen Z)

In my view,

You do have to continue, as you grow as a human,

to ask yourself the question: who am I, and is it who I want to be?

about the image: graphite on paper

Ted(dy) Talks.......

Sometimes I have found it easier and perhaps also more

succinct, to express my thoughts with the help of a

''cartoon-ish'' figure.

So let me introduce you to Teddy. 

The idea for Teddy comes from a tiny keyring Bear that 

hangs on a pin in my kitchen.

 

Teddy is an inquisitive and philosophizing little bear

so he will keep popping up every time he's got

something on his mind that he wants to share with us.

''The world of the Teddy bear is an innocent one, a world

that gives delight and hurts not, a world that appeals to all

generations and all nationalities.''

(Gyles Brandreth)

about the images: inks, graphite, acrylic, water colours on paper.

On the importance of beauty.............

''Beauty awakens the soul to act.'' (Dante Alighieri)

Some say that ''beauty is a key part of how we understand and

interact with the world around us''.

Having the ability to appreciate beauty,

 some even view as a basic human need.

However, when it comes to defining exactly what makes something

beautiful, well, opinions often differ.

This, in my view, is because the perception of beauty is 

 a subjective experience.

Some research suggests that our ability of being able to appreciate

beauty rest with our ''stored'' (memories/thoughts) experiences of beauty,

plus our emotional state of mind at the time of the encounter.

No matter how glorious a sunrise may sparkle before us,

if we are feeling depressed or bilious while watching it, I

doubt that we would be able to truly appreciate it.

As far as I can ascertain, in order for us to be able to appreciate

beauty we need to be emotionally available and open in order

to do so.

Allowing beauty to ''awaken our souls'' we may 

find ourselves surprised at our emotional response.

''The sunrise was so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes.''

''Listening to the music made me feel so happy that I

had to get up and dance.''

''Touching the dolphin's beautiful body made me feel sad.'' 

Beautiful things can evoke a number of different emotions

in us such as: awe, wonder, admiration, fascination, 

inspiration, etc. etc. as well as joy and sadness.

Even perhaps at times, ..... a sense of timelessness.

What may make someone hold their breath at the sight of a rare

flower, bird, painting, building, seascape, landscape, etc.

etc.  may leave someone else indifferent.

Beauty, though mostly subjective, is often influenced by 

culture, tradition, environment, media and upbringing.

Something that may at our first encounter seem uninteresting and

 ordinary may change as we learn and come to understand more 

of/about that something.

When I first arrived in Australia I found it very hard to 

appreciate and see the beauty of the Australian landscape.

To me it was just brown, scraggly and deadly.(literally!)

(Mind you, I arrived here in the midst of bush fires and

drought.)

However, after a number of walks in the rainforest, walks on the 

beach with its crystal blue waters and white soft sand, I

started to change my opinion.

As time passed I discovered more and more beauty.

Unbelievably colourful and beautiful birds, butterflies,

fishes, trees, etc. etc. and yes, even insects.

(This is a water colour/ink painting of an Australian Fairy wren

I made.)

In my eyes, even an old and rusty chain can be a thing of beauty.

Although we perceive almost 80% of our impressions by sight,

we do also use our sense of smell, taste, touch, and what we hear

 when we determine if something is beautiful to us or not.

''That perfume smells beautiful, last night I had a beautiful 

tasting curry, the touch of the wool was beautiful, 

the opera singer had a beautiful voice, etc. etc.''

 What has been discovered is that when we experience beauty,

we get a dopamine boost.

In short, beauty makes us feel good.

''Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it,'' so says

Confucius.

Perhaps one could also say: ''There is beauty everywhere and in

everything but not everyone takes the time to notice it.''

Beauty, it seems to me, is not something one scrolls through,

nay, it needs our attention or else we may fail to notice and

appreciate it.

about the image: Acrylic on canvas

My attempt at painting a beautiful woman

in a Traditional Japanese inspired style.

Dare to be different

 Suddenly Miles Davis, an African-American Jazz musician,

arguably one of the greatest jazz composer/trumpeter of all

times, changed his music and appearance drastically.

Gone were the Armani suits and his cool, ''noir'' demeanor

and tunes.

Replaced by tight flared pants, colourful shirts, 

outrageous shades (sunglasses) and a new kind of

music that defied all attempts at classification.

Some of Miles's followers were outraged and thought that 

he had ''lost it'', others, predominately young people,

loved his new ''psychedelic/rock/jazz/free-form'' music.

After all, during the late sixties and early seventies there was

a lot of experimentation going on through most of the ''arts''.

In 1968 Miles met Betty Gray Mabry.

 Miles and Betty got married and Betty became Miles Davis's

wife, Betty Davis.

Some describe Betty Davis as a ''wildly flamboyant funk diva with

few equals with the gritty emotional realism of Tina Turner and

the futurist fashion sense of David Bowie, and the trend-

setting flair of Miles Davis.''

The marrige didn't last and in 1969 Miles and Betty divorced.

Betty released her last recording in 1975, ''Nasty Gal'', but like her

two albums before Nasty Gal, it had little commercial

success. 

Betty was mostly viewed as too controversial, too raunchy, 

using lyrics which were too sexually explicit, and with a sexually

aggressive stage persona.

In 1980 her father died and Betty went home to live with her mother.

Dealing with the loss of her father and a blinkered and biased 

music industry took its toll on Betty.

She sub combed to ''the darkness'' and was admitted into

a mental health institution. 

She decided to disappear.

But, her music is still around. I know, because

I have all her albums......

Being different, in my view, always comes with a cost.

Although it may be easy to think of the 60's and the 70's as

wild, experimental, free love and all that....it was also

very biased, tumultuous, patronizing, and a man's, man's world.

I know, cos' I was there.

As a female musician you were one of two B's: 

''Babe'' if you were willing to hop in the sack with any of

the male musicians, or ''Bitch'' if you were not

willing to do so.

At no point were you ever a third B, as in : a human Being.

Betty Davis was a strong, beautiful, talented and opinionated African

American woman.

She followed her own inner voice, she wrote lyrics that reflected 

her experiences, she performed on stage according to her lyrics,

but according to some of her friends, off stage, she was a quiet, 

sensitive, and deep person. 

In my experience as a female musician/song writer/composer/

bandleader, in order to be taken seriously by my fellow musicians

I have had to constantly prove not only that I am

as ''good'' as them, I have had to be better.

''She looks alright, but can she play?''

''You wanna play with the big boy's, you can carry your

own gear.''

''You wrote that tune? Who helped you?'' etc. etc. etc.

(If I turned down the advances made by one of my fellow

musicians the result would often mean a barrage of snide remarks,

crude ''jokes'', and different pieces of equipment

going missing.)

As things are today, it is possible to by-pass the need for a

record contract in order to expose one's talents as an artist to the world.

All one needs is a computer(i-Thingy) and an internet connection.

Well, not all, but there is definitely no need for any

''middle-men'' or even bias-challenged executives.

For artists who perhaps are a bit ''different'' to the mainstream,

who may have had many ''doors'' closed in their faces, I believe

that the fact that it is possible to share your art with others all

over the globe regardless, is fabulous.

Betty Davis fought for her unique voice to be heard, 

but, in the end, there were just too many barriers for her

 to break through.

But, before she called it quits, luckily for us, there are still

a number of albums and some footage available for us to enjoy.

''I needed to fit in or else no contract.

I learned that stars starve in silence."

(Betty Davis, Funk Diva and Performer extraordinaire.)

''Sometimes being different feels a lot like being alone.

But with that being said, being true to that and being

true to my standards and my way of doing things

in my art and music, everything that has made

me feel different.....in the end,

it has made me the happiest.''

(Lindsey Stirling)

about the image: graphite on paper