Fear is temporary, regret forever......................

''Fear is temporary, regret is forever.''

''I can't do it, it's too scary'' the little boy cried.

The father tried to comfort and encourage the boy as best he could

to help the boy overcome his fear.

Suddenly the boy's older sister(about 11-12) kneeled next to

the boy and whispered in his ear: ''Fear is temporary, regret

is forever. You can do this.''

Young as the boy was, somehow those were the words

he needed because he stopped crying, stood up straight and then

went to face his fear. 

What the little boy did was amazing. Strapped into a harness

he climbed up a 10 meter skinny pole until he reached the top.

Balancing on the very small platform at the top he took a

deep breath and then with outstretched arms...... he jumped.

Wow!! Watching this unfold on the TV I felt touched

by the little boy's bravery and his sister's words...

etched forever in my memory.

Recently I heard a man say: ''Fear, although we often equate it 

with being a ''bad'' emotion, is foremost, ......just information.''

Is it though? Just information?

Hmm, I'm not so sure.

Fear may be information as to that it informs us that danger

is coming our way. It also informs us to take action as in; flight,

fight, play possum/freeze(dead) or try to appease/placate

our way out of danger.

However, having pondered this for a while, it dawned on me

that fear can also be defined as ''an unpleasant emotional response 

triggered by the perception of danger/threat,

 real or as imagined.''

How does one physically fight or flee from a perceived threat?

For those of us suffering with GAD(generalized anxiety disorder)

 PTSD, panic attacks and or other anxiety related issues, fear

in my view, is much more than information.

When in the grips of it(fear) it can make us feel dizzy, find it hard to

breathe, feel as if we have lost control of our minds, bodies and

grasp of reality.

Everyday there are people rushed to hospital thinking that

they are having heart attacks only to be told by the doctor 

that they are just having a panic attack.

Just? For those of us who have experienced a panic attack,

or a PTSD attack, there is nothing just ''just'' about it.

It's terrifying.

But, and this is good, there things we can do to

better learn how do deal with and manage our fears.

Waking up in fright one night, heart pounding and mind

racing my ex partner sat up in bed, looked at me sternly

 and then said: ''What's the time? Ah, 4:15 in the morning.

So, right now, is there anything you can do about what is

making you so anxious?''

-No, I guess.

-Well then, as you can't do anything right now about it,

go back to sleep and then when you can actually do something,

do it.

And with those words my ex went back to sleep.

Those words have helped me through many, many,

many dark and stormy nights.

When worry comes knocking on the door, send logic to

answer it, I have deduced.

Right now my son and I are going through a very difficult

and worrisome time which at times fills both of us with

fears of all kinds. In desperation one night searching for something to

say to my son that could help calm him I paraphrased

my exe's words: ''It's night right now, everything is closed. 

First thing tomorrow we'll sort it, okay?''

Logic before emotions. My son calmed.

Fear, whether perceived or actual, feels real.

Through the years I found a few helpful questions

to ask myself if I am panicking or overly worried

that I would like to share with you.

Do I have any evidence that what I am fearing

is based in reality?

Am I safe/in a safe place right now?

Have I dealt with something like this before

and successfully overcame it?

Right now, is there something I can do 

that will help me?

Fear is temporary, regret is forever.

If fear comes knocking on your door,

send hope and faith to answer it.

Anne Frank, was a Jewish young girl who lived in

Amsterdam, the Netherlands, during the Nazi occupation.

On her 13ths birthday she was given a diary which

she brought with her when she and her mother

went into hiding in an attic.

For the duration of her time in the attic she

wrote down her thoughts and experiences

in her diary.

Amazingly, although going through such an extremely anxious

and life threatening situation, her diary is full of

hope and a zest for life.

''How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single

moment before starting to change the world.''

''Despite everything I believe that people

are really good at heart.''

''In the long run the sharpest weapon of all

is a kind and gentle spirit.''

Unfortunately, her hiding space was discovered and not long

before the war ended so did Anne's and her mother's lives.

Fortunately for us, a friend managed to save her diary

and by publishing it, her diary/book can be read by anyone

who is interested. (The Diary of a Young girl)

''The final forming of a person's character

lies in their own hands.''

about the image: ink on canvas

all quotes by Anne Frank

Being ''different'' means asking: But what if...?

What is it like to be ''different''?

Is being different a ''good'' or a ''bad'' thing?

Depends. On what? On how the person using

the word different interprets/understands the word.

In some circumstances being different can be experienced

as an attribute, a ''good'' thing, in some others....not so much.

We quickly learn as children that it feels good to be ''liked''

by others. It feels good to be included, invited, and accepted.

We also quickly learn that if we want to be included, invited and

accepted we have to conform and ''behave''* like those who we

want to be accepted by.

(*Behave as in conduct ourselves in accordance with the accepted

norms of the group we want to belong to.)

When I was six or seven years old was the first

time, I think, that I experienced what being different

could mean. 

-You come with me, said the music teacher. 

Perplexed I stopped playing the recorder/flute and asked:

-Where am I going?

-We are going upstairs, just follow me, she answered.

I was convinced that I had done something wrong.

Silently I followed her upstairs into a small room

filled with music stands and piles of sheet music.

-Here, sit down on this chair. I sat down.

The music teacher placed some sheet music on a stand 

in front of me, sat down on a chair next to me,

 and then started to play on her recorder.

Suddenly she stopped.

-Can you play what I just played? she asked.

Puzzled I repeated on my recorder what she had played.

-I knew it, from our first lesson I knew that you were different,

she said and smiled.

Unfortunately, well intentioned as the music teacher's

act was, it became the beginning of me being mercilessly

bullied for being ''the teacher's pet''.

I didn't view myself as different, or the teachers pet, I was

just me. A six-year old who somehow had a knack for

playing the recorder.

Fast forward years and years and I have now become

 accustomed to being called ''different''.

If you reading this have also experienced being called

different, I would like to share some thoughts with you.

First, there are a lot of us ''different'' people.

So you belong. You are not alone.

There are a lot of us who are told that we are ''too'', too

sensitive, too introverted, too deep, too intense, too

emotional, too different, too this that and the other.

To this my question is: what is the right amount thereof

and who gets to decide that?

As far as I can ascertain none of us have chosen our

genetic make-up, the only thing we get to choose is what

to do with it.

I have often wondered if not some of us are born

with the question ''but what if....?'' on our lips.

Also, if it may be possible that ''but what if?'' at times

plays a big part in how we discover new ways of doing,

thinking, viewing, perceiving, and interpreting a number of

known and unknown ''things''.

One last thought:

If people tell you that you're ''different'',

take it as a compliment. 

If it wasn't for people being ''different'',

would ice cream come in so many different flavours?

''The person who follows the crowd will usually go

no further than the crowd. The person who walks

alone is likely to find him(/her)self in places no one

has ever seen before.''

(Albert Einstein)

about the image: acrylic on large canvas

Turning pain into a creative expression........

''But what is it supposed to mean?'' is a question I have often

been asked by people viewing some of my art works.

More often than not I would answer with: ''Well, what do you think

it means?'' followed up with ''It means whatever you think

it means''. 

Standing in front of a large white canvas for the first time

I felt such a sense of freedom that I decided to ''hang

rules and techniques''. I was just going to paint intuitively.

Having spent years improvising in music, why not do

the same when painting?

This is one of my earliest paintings and I began

painting it by deciding to slop on some blue and

green on the canvas. (Probably because I was listening to

a Miles Davis tune by the name ''Blue in Green'' at the

time.)

I grabbed a bit of charcoal, did some ''improvising'',

 and then as if out of nowhere and right before my 

eyes ...........the boy appeared. 

One of the most wonderful aspects of art in my view,

is that (I believe) it is a subjective experience. 

I find that how we experience artworks is often affected 

by our emotional state at the time of viewing/listening

to them.

Another wonderful thing about art is that it

works so well as a symbolic language.

As in: ''A picture paints a thousand words'', music can

sound like the rushing wind, the roaring ocean, the

flight of a bumble bee, etc. etc. etc..

A poem/song lyrics can describe our inner most thoughts

and feelings with the use of but a few words.

A single photograph can for example 

capture a historic/epic/extraordinary moment

in time.

With words we can create imaginary worlds, universes,

beings, etc. etc. etc......

Having said this, let me give you the title for the

painting at the top: ''Heartbreak.''

Huh? you may say.

Why not ''The red chair''?

Let me explain.

As a kid my family used to spend our summers at our

summer cottage. It was a wonderful place full of

all sorts of wild berries, marvelous hiding spaces and

best of all....waterfrontage with a jetty to either

sunbathe on or jump off.

Occasionally we (the kids) would be allowed to invite

a friend to come and stay with us, and as we grew

older, even boy/girlfriends.

The summer I turned 17 the love of my life (and

also my first love) broke up with me.

It affected me so much that no matter how much

the sun shone brightly, the water in the lake glittered and 

sparkled, for me, summer ended abruptly and autumn 

 arrived with all it's muted and solemn dark colours.

(the background of the jetty)

I felt alone (the red chair), empty and isolated (the blue

outline around the chair) in my pain.

Hence the title ''Heartbreak.''

(I hope this makes sense to you, but if the painting

means/depicts something totally different to you,

I respect that.)

After the summer was over and the family returned home,

I decided to channel my emotions through music.

The piano became my love, my friend, and my comfort

in the storm.

A year or so later I was accepted into a sought after (respected)

 Music school. My life as an artist had begun.

Years later..... my very creative teenage son is experiencing

his first heartbreak. Remembering how awful I felt when

I experienced it, I was determined to find something

at least a bit helpful to say to him.

As he was already a budding artist, this is what I blurted

out: ''Paint the pain, write it out, say it with music,

say it with photographs. Pain when expressed creatively

can become a piece of art, pain when repressed or 

dwelled upon, can make you a prisoner to the dark.''

''Art is an outer expression of an inner experience.''

(Citizen Z)

''Creating artwork allows your mind to be in a safe

place while it contemplates the tougher issues you

 are dealing with.''

(George E. Miller)

about the images: acrylic on large canvases

Title of 2nd image: ''Blue in Green''

''I know just how you feel.......Well, not really.....

''I know just how you feel''.

Something we may say in an attempt to comfort

someone. To show that we are on his/her side.

That we understand what he/she is going through.

But do we? Can we?

So here is my quandary: Is it possible for any one of us to truly

  know what another human feels?

''There are things that we know. There are things that we know

that we don't know. And then there are things that we don't know that

we don't know.'' ( said by ?)

When we say that we know something...what do we really mean?

Perhaps we may mean that we understand, comprehend, apprehend,

grasp something. I guess it may depend on context?

However, the ''knowing'' bit becomes in my view quite murky

when we add ''feelings'' to the knowing.

Some years ago I did a crisis counselling course and one of

the most profound wisdoms I gained from the course was

how limited my vocabulary was when it came to feelings.

(This I discovered when during an exercise we were asked

to write down 20 different feelings and I failed miserably at

doing so.)

You feel sad? As in: down, miserable, depressed, lonely,

unhappy, downhearted, etc. etc. etc.?

You feel angry? As in: upset, frustrated, cross, annoyed, irritated,

irate, etc. etc. etc.?

You feel bored? As in: disinterested, blasé, fed up, uninterested,

etc. etc. etc.?

You feel unhappy? As in: sad, miserable, rejected, dejected,

despondent, alienated, dispirited, etc. etc. etc.?

You feel lost? As in: unmotivated, directionless, discouraged,

alienated, dispirited, isolated, etc. etc. etc.?

The more specific we can be when we are verbally

 communicating our feelings/emotions, the easier it will

be for others to understand/decode what we are trying

to convey.

However, as a lot of communication these days may 

perhaps exponentially be exchanged into text form, and so possibly

rather than increasing our vocabularies, we may find

them shrinking.

As far as I can ascertain, although texting has a lot

of pluses, it also has minuses.

Communicating through texting we are not able to

 convey body-language, facial expressions, tone and

emotion, eye contact and ''build'' a genuine connection

and trust.

That's what emoji's are for, you may say.

Yes, we can use emoji's but emoji's can apparently

 (I have discovered) be used ''ironically'' and

they can create ambiguity and confusion.

Texting encourages rapid-fire, single-thought conversations,

but when it comes to sensitive and sincere conversations,

in my view such are often ''better'' (more conducive to) 

 face to face.

Let's imagine a convo on a mobile/cell phone.

                                                   Sender: Feeling down today. 😔

                                                   Receiver: Why?

                                                   Sender: Dunno. Hard to say.😟

                                                   Receiver: Everyone feels a bit down sometimes

                                                                           I know just how you feel. 😏

                                                   Sender: You do too?

                                                   Receiver: Nah, not me. I stay positive.😎

                                                   Sender: You wanna catch up later?

                                                   Receiver: Sorry, got stuff to do. I'll call you later.

                                                   Sender: Okay. Later then.

Doing the counselling course I learned a few very gentle

and simple but profound new ways of ''conversing''.

If someone tells me he/she is feeling down, low, sad, etc....

don't ask why, just say ''How can I help?''.

If someone tells me that he/she is feeling lonely,

don't ask why, just offer to listen.

If someone tells me that he/she feels anxious, nervous, etc..

don't tell him/her you know ''just how it feels'',

just ask: ''How long have you been feeling this way?''

If someone texts me saying that he/she is feeling lost and confused,

don't ask anything just text back:

 ''Please call me so we can chat properly

 or would you like to come over?''

I still have to remind myself to not use the phrase

''I know just how you feel''. The intention for using it

may be good, but it is not really helpful.

Even if we may be going through (or have gone through) what

seems to us to be a similar experience, we can not ''know''

what someone else is feeling. Our feelings are unique to us

as they are founded on our interpretations and perceptions of

our life experiences.

''There seem to be some questions and quandaries in life

for which in spite of much pondering, no answers can be found.

Though such may be the case, a listening ear and a gently spoken word,

soothes, restores and even sometimes heals... even the greatest wounds.''

(Citizen Z)

''Effective communication is 20% what you know,

and 80% how you feel about what you know.''

(Jim Rohn)

about the image: charcoal on baking paper, some editing in Elements

Dreamer or a realist? Why not both..................

I opened the door.

It was Taipo, a gallery owner that I had met a few

weeks earlier.

-Taipo. Please come in, I'm sorry for being a mess, I'm in

the middle of painting.

-I can see that, he said as he walked in to

the living room, aka my ''studio''. 

In the middle of my living room was where I did all

my painting so to get from the front door to

my studio was a question of a few steps.

Taipo took a few steps and then stopped in front

of my easel.

On the easel was a large canvas that I was working

on. (The above image)

-What are you working on? Taipo asked.

-Oh, I don't know really, I'm just experimenting.

-Why is there an American flag in the background? he asked.

-Well, as an immigrant myself I was thinking about

what it may have felt like for people who ran away

from a war torn Europe to America in order to hopefully

make true the ''American Dream''.

-I see, he said and then continued, can you paint

another 12 of them?

-Twelve? I asked incredulously.

-Yes, 12 paintings is what you'll need for the big space in 

the gallery and to be able to have a solo exhibition.

A solo exhibition? Yes please. My first one.

-Yes, I would like that very much. Thank you, Taipo.

-Can you make them all along the same theme?

-You mean including the American flag some way

or another in every painting?

-Yes, that would be great, he answered.

-Sure, I answered confidently although I had no clue

how I was going to do that.

-Great, I'll call you and let you know dates, he said 

and then left.

After much pondering I finally came up with a concept

on how I was going to it. Then I had to come up

with a title for the exhibition. 

 I decided to name the exhibition ''American Dreamers''.

Why ''American Dreamers''? you may ask.

There was a time ''long ago'' when America for many

 people represented a country where anyone regardless of 

where they were born or what ''class'' they were born into, 

would still be able  to attain their own version

 of success. (''The American Dream'')

As an immigrant myself I get that it isn't easy to

leave your homeland, friends and relatives behind.

But here's the thing, the exhibition was

 not about America per se, it was

about having a dream of a better life and risking

everything in the hope of achieving it.

As more than 15 years has passed since I held

my exhibition and America seems to be going 

through one crisis after the other, perhaps the

 American Dream is a concept/dream no one 

no longer believes in?

Maybe the ''American Dream'' no longer

flutter in peoples hearts and minds,

but being a dreamer myself, I hope that people

still have dreams of being able to make some 

of their dreams/visions/goals come true.

''The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers.

But above all, the world need dreamers who do.''

(Sarah Ben Breathnach)

 I exhibited my ''American Dreamers'' in a

number of different venues and almost

every time I did I was asked: ''Why are you so

pro America? What about Vietnam, Iraq,

and all the other bad stuff they have done?''

My answer: The paintings are not about America,

the paintings are about people who dreamed of a better life

and who were willing to risk everything in the pursuit

of it.

about the images: 1. ''Father and son arriving Ellis Island''

2. JFK  3. Jimmy's first 4'th of July   4. Immigrants arriving

5. First Nation woman liberating the ''Star Spangled Banner''

All acrylic on large canvas

If someone seems to be falling apart....help them

Have you ever felt as if you're somehow ''pixelating''?

(With pixelating I mean slowly breaking apart into tiny

little pieces.)

I opened the book and read the first sentence.

''Life is suffering'' it said.

I read it again. Life is suffering. Wow. I was impressed.

For once someone dared to spit it out without sugar

coating it. 

Next sentence was just as punchy: ''life isn't fair.''

With those six words the author in my view managed 

to disassemble two of mankind's biggest illusions.

We may not want to admit to ourselves that deep down

we believe that life should be fair and we should not

have to suffer, but we do.

The illusions that life should be fair and that we

shouldn't have to suffer I believe has the potential

to make it much harder for us to cope with unfairness 

and suffering when such afflicts us.

I mean, a lot of time our first response to suffering and

 unfairness goes something like this: 

''Why is this happening to me? or I don't deserve this!''.

Though there is ample evidence of suffering and

unfairness happening to others everywhere and

every second of every day, we are still somehow able

to block it out so that we don't see it, hear it,

or feel it.

Worse still, when it happens to others we often

tend to become ''judgy'' about it.

''Well, he/she/they should have known better, why didn't he/she

/they do something, try something, what did he/she/they expect 

when he/she/they ........ etc. etc. etc.''

No matter how much we may want to believe that ''bad''

things only happens to ''bad'' people, as far as I

can ascertain, both illusions.

As is this: ''good'' things only happens to people who

deserve it.

However, bad things do happen to good people and good things

do happen to bad(don't deserve it) people.

This leads me to conclude that the same laws 

of nature that underlie all causes and effects, do so without

any prejudice or inherent moral implications.

What I am pondering at the moment is why we are

still so inept at being compassionate and empathetic

toward people in pain.

When we see people suffering why do we so often

tend to offer suggestions of how to ''fix'' it before

we offer a shoulder to cry on?

Why do we seem to find it easier to offer platitudes

then heartfelt words of compassion?

Why do we seem to prefer to avoid contact with people

in pain/suffering rather than to listen to them explain what they

are going through?

Yet, .... should we find ourselves in a similar predicament,

.........it's often their discourse we seek.

I believe we can do better.

I believe we need to do better.

We can choose to put down our gavels and

stop viewing our fellow human beings

with judgement and prejudice.

We can choose kindness and compassion

instead of debating life's fairness.

We can choose to listen instead of speaking,

we can choose to be present rather than absent.

''Life is suffering, life isn't fair.

But lucky for us, life can be shared.

If you know someone, 

someone not doing so great,

call them up don't hesitate,

 wait too long and they may pixelate.''

(Citizen Z)

about the image: acrylic on large cardboard

Cropped and then edited in Elements

From little words big words grow..........

While scanning in my items at the check-out the 

long-haired, friendly young man suddenly asked me:

-So, have you done anything interesting today?

Caught off guard and lost in my own world I said something

''intelligent'' such as: -Sorry, can you repeat the question?

-Well, I try to find something interesting to do every

day. It makes life much richer I find. Don't you? he

continued.

-Interesting? Well, I just posted a new bit on my blog

if you consider that as interesting, I answered.

-Well, what's it about? he asked.

-Hmm, well, I guess one could call it ''snack-sized''

philosophical/psychological ponderings on common

human quandaries, I answered.

-Can you give me the address for it? I would like

to have a look.

So I did. 

On the way home from the supermarket I kept

thinking about what I find ''interesting'' in life.

Answer: almost everything.

But for the last 20 years I have been fascinated by

words and how we use them.

Lately, I have been pondering how words at times can 

be likened to seeds and how us humans can be likened

to pots.

Perhaps how we will be affected by words depend on whether

our pots contain ''fertile'' soil, ''sand'' or ''little rocks''?

Words, loosely defined: a combination of letters used

orally and or in writing.

Although we may experience the words we choose to use

as specific, as far as I can ascertain, they seldom are

because in my view words are predominately interpreted 

and understood according to each of our experiences

and interpretations of the words.

 When we converse/talk, we swing between 

being messengers(seeds) and receivers of words(pots).

Whether we are messaging or receiving, the words

used will be interpreted in a way that then will inform how

we will respond.

Back to the seeds and the pots.

For the purpose of this post, when I use the term

 seeds I am referring to seeds ''planted'' with the intention

of a ''good/healthy/fruit bearing'' outcome.

Seed: -Are you okay?

Pot with fertile soil: -Thanks for asking, and yes, I'm

good. You?

Pot with sand: -Sure. 

Pot with rocks: -Why? Shouldn't I be?

Seed: -Do you need some help with that?

Pot with fertile soil: -So glad you asked. Yes, please.

Pot with sand: -Sure.

Pot with rocks: -Do I look like I need some help?

No need, I'm fine.

Seed: -You don't look good. Do you wanna talk about it?

Pot with fertile soil: -I am feeling a bit down. Yes, I

would like to talk about it if you've got the time.

Pot with sand: -Sure.

Pot with rocks: -I'm good. There's nothing to talk about.

etc. etc. etc.

''Between a stimulus and a response there is a space.

In that space is our power to choose our response.

In our response lies our growth and our freedom.''

(Victor Frankl)

''Watch your thoughts, they become your words,

Watch your words, they become your actions,

Watch your actions, they become your habits,

   Watch your habits, they become your character,

  Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.''

(Anonymous)

Us humans are experts at misunderstanding each other,

of responding without thinking first, of using words

that we know will hurt, of sowing seeds of doubt

rather than seeds of hope, of feigning blindness when

faced with others suffering, of becoming deaf when

voices of discontent arise, of becoming mute when

we should speak up.

''We must be diligent,

we must be resilient,

we must be sufficient,

and never indifferent,

if we're still to believe

we've invented a humane society.''

(Citizen Z)

about the image: photo taken with my old crappy Canon.