Love comes in many guises....sometimes in the appearance of a cat

 Cats are mysterious creatures.

Some of us love them and some of us don't.

They are independent, willful and often refuse to be

told how to behave. Unlike dogs, they will not come

just because we call their name. They will come only when

they chose to do so and in my experience, usually it will

have something to do with food. 

But here's the thing with cats in my view, they can be interesting,

fascinating, playful, and although quite unpredictable,

also great at comforting. 

Linus, my first cat, shared an apartment with me

 when I lived in Stockholm studying music at the Conservatorium.

Having little experience with cats I had no expectations of how

a kitten was supposed to behave, I was just enjoying his company.

Only when I had a friend over was it pointed out to me that my

kitten was behaving un-cat-like. Kittens, apparently, don't usually

 play the piano, have showers, drink milk from a glass, welcome its

owner at the front door, or scare the owner half to death by

jumping up and down on the piano's bass keys  

 in the middle of the night. 

I think Linus liked scaring me. 

(He would often hide behind things and then

suddenly lunge himself at me as if he enjoyed me being scared.)

He also seemed to know

when I needed a bit of affection. On more than one

occasion he would jump up in my lap, stretch his body

until he could gently stroke my face with his paw.

He was amazing and loved.

Eventually however, years later, I decided to go to Australia

and so had to have Linus ''adopted'' by my older sister.

(Who also loves cats)

Now, to the cat in the image above.

(Her name is Lovecraft and she belongs to my son

although we both love her.)

My son is a sort of cat whisperer so when he suggested

we add a cat to our household, I agreed.

We decided to go to an animal shelter and after looking

around for an hour or so, we decided we would buy a cat 

named Thomas. Unfortunately, before we got to the 

cashier, somebody else had bought him.

We had to keep looking. My son stepped in to one

of the enclosures and as out of nowhere a little tortoiseshell

kitten jumped on to his back and would not let go.

Obviously, we bought her.

She has now been with us for almost ten years and she

is just as enigmatic and entertaining as Linus was.

She ''talks'', she knows how to open doors, she loves

porridge, ice-cream, custard and MacDonald's.

 She runs ''interference'' if my son and I are having a heated 

discussion.

As in; she will push things of tables, demand attention by

using a very eerie meowing sound, or just by placing herself

between us in a very demonstrative way.

She ''bangs'' on the door to be let in (not sure how she does it)

and when only the screen door is closed, she slides it open 

and lets herself out.

She will not sit in anyone's lap but she will sit on the

top of the back of the sofa and demand to be patted on her butt.

She is very friendly and ''talks'' to everyone including

total strangers.

She does not kill birds, only the odd field mouse.

She loves to chase water dragons, even one's twice her size,

but she never hurts them. (However, when she let's them loose

inside our living room, especially the big ones, havoc ensues.)

Lovecraft, this fury little creature with amazing green eyes and

a quirky personality is more than a ''mere'' cat, she is

a comforting and loving friend.

There is nothing ''mere'' with a cat in my view,

unlike us humans they do not hide their emotions, they

do not pretend, they do not fake affection, and they

always keep themselves "clean''.

''I have lived with several Zen masters - - all of them cats.''

(Eckhart Tolle)

''Feed a dog and he will think you are a God,

feed a cat and he will think he is a God.''

(Don't know who said this...)

''Cat's will amusingly tolerate humans only until

someone comes up with a tin opener that can be

operated by a paw.''

(Terry Pratchett)

''The cat is cryptic, and close to strange things men 

cannot see.''

(H. P. Lovecraft)

about the image: photo, some editing in Photoshop

Why do we keep doing stupid things?

 Some say that the definition of being a fool is to ''keep doing

the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome''.

If this is true, then I guess most of us at some time or another

has probably behaved like a fool.

Why do we keep doing stupid things?

Short answer: Because we are creatures of habit.

Even if the outcome of a habit has negative consequences,

we often keep repeating the habit.

''Yuk, I feel awful, I'll never drink again'', we say.

''I shouldn't have eaten so much pizza, now I feel sick.''

''I shouldn't have said those things, now I feel bad''.

And so on.

''Habits work by generating an impulse to do a behaviour

with little or no conscious thought.'' (Benjamin Gardner)

So here's the thing; in order to truly change a behaviour/habit

we need to give it some ''conscious'' thought.

What am I doing? Why am I doing it? Does it benefit me

or not? What will happen if I stop doing it?

Why did I start doing it in the first place?

Unfortunately, only when a habit cause us more pain 

than benefit do we usually become sufficiently enough

 motivated to deal with our ''bad'' habits.

I have a bad habit of not keeping my back straight.

I slouch. I also have scoliosis (crooked spine) which

does not help. Straightening my back hurts and feels

very un-natural, but due to slouching for years, consequentially

  now I have a whole lot of other painful body issues 

to deal with.

Though I keep reminding myself to keep my back

straight, more often than not, I forget.

Then one day as luck would have it, I stumbled upon

a kind of harness made for the purpose of keeping

the back straight. I instantly bought it and now wear

it every second day. Does it work? Yes, it does.

Sometimes in order to change a bad habit we may

have to exchange that habit for a new one, one

with a better and more healthy outcome.

As long as we do not question why we keep

doing stupid things we will keep doing them.

If we want to change a behaviour pattern we

need to begin by understanding why we

created that pattern in the first place.

We may need to ask ourselves:

That stupid thing that we keep doing,

what triggered it the first time we did it?

Since then, do similar circumstances

always trigger the same behaviour/response?

Can that behaviour/response be substituted

for a ''better'' one?

Sometimes ''willpower'' may be enough to help

us change a behaviour pattern, other times we 

may need some assistance in the form of for

instance, a prompt.

Ex: When I am not using my harness I hang it 

somewhere where I can always see it.

Seeing it reminds(prompts) me to use it.

For a while it was popular to wear a rubber band

around one's wrist and then snap it to remind or to 

reinforce a particular mindset and or behaviour.

In my view, it definitely works.

Whatever may be going on in our head at the time,

a quick snap of the rubber band interrupts it and

gives us a chance to really think.

If we want to stop doing stupid things, in my view

we must begin with thinking before we act.

"Don't do something permanently stupid

because you are temporarily upset.''

(Minnie Nord)

''Everything you do in every moment matters.

A single thought can change the world.''

(Anthon St. Maarten)

about the image: ink on wood board

the spikes in his head represents how remembering

the stupid things we say and do sticks in our

minds like nails

Is a broken doll more attractive than an unbroken one?

The minute he stepped in to the badly lit bar she couldn't take

her eyes of him. He just oozed confidence, mystique, and a

''devil may care'' attitude. His black hair was slicked back,

his eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses, and as he slowly made 

his way to the bar everyone else moved out of his way.

Who is he? she wondered. She wanted to know. She just

had to know. She quickly finished her drink, stood up,

and then walked up to the bar.   

Standing next to the mysterious man, 

she ordered a gin on the rocks.

''Hot in here, isn't it'', she said after she had taken 

a sip of her drink.

The man slowly turned his head towards her, pushed his

sunglasses to the tip of his nose and with the greenest eyes 

she had ever seen staring straight in to her own, 

he just mumbled, ''sure'' and then went back to 

staring straight into nowhere.

And just like that, the confidence that she had mustered 

in order to speak to him shattered into a million pieces.

I really need to get my ''bad boy'' addiction under control,

she muttered under her breath

as she walked back to her table and sat down.

 ''Where did you go?'' Lilly, her friend asked.

''Oh, just to the bar for a refill'' she answered.

''I need a refill too'' said Lilly, ''after all, this is your hen party

so let's party!!'' 

*****************

Some time ago I wrote a post on ''The Broken doll syndrome''.

The term ''The Broken doll syndrome'' is a term that my son and I came 

up with after a long discussion on why it is that

 both women and men often seem

 to have a conscious or sub-conscious predilection toward

seeking relationships with partners they feel they need to fix, 

rescue or help become ''better'' people.

A ''Broken Doll'' by our definition, is a person who has 

experienced physical and or psychological abuse, trauma, 

addiction, etc. etc. etc. 

Often they have a history of failed relationships and as 

a result may have deep-seated emotional issues.

But here's the thing that I've been pondering recently;

are complicated, mysterious, un-reliable, emotionally ambivalent,

etc. etc. types more attractive somehow than reliable,

stable, kind, and emotionally secure ones?

Is a broken doll more interesting and attractive than an

unbroken one?

As far as I can ascertain, we are often attracted to what

feels familiar. If we experienced love as something

confusing and complex when we were children,

we may discard potential partners if it all seems to

''easy''. For some of us what we consider ''love''

may go hand in hand with pain and suffering, so if there is

no suffering attached to the loving, subconsciously we 

may equate that with not being ''real love''.

(I remember my folks asking me why I always seemed 

to fall in love with difficult and distant types.)

Often we are unaware of why we are attracted to someone

although warning bells are ringing. If we suffer with

the Broken Doll syndrome we will probably make excuses

for the Broken Doll's behaviour and surmise that our

loving him/her will eventually ''fix'' him/her.

This position and in my experience, is in my view untenable.

No matter how much we may love someone, we can't change

him or her. We can only decide to accept someone as he or

she is, or not.

Looking back on my many failed relationships without

sentimentality or regrets, I now have a different understanding

of what I deem ''love''.

''It seems to me that we love someone when we care more

about the other as he or she is, rather than who we think

they should become; when we reveal ourselves honestly

and vulnerably, just as we offer the same for the other.

We love someone when we act with patience, resilience,

compassion, forgiveness, and a whole hearted

commitment to their well-being.''

(Citizen Z)

Just a quick thought from the sidebar: 

It may perhaps be helpful to ask yourself:

Is it possible that I am a broken doll?

or

Am I suffering with the Broken Doll syndrome?

about the image: acrylic on canvas, not painted with a brush

but with a cloth

Had enough of bad news? Go to goodnews.com.............

The News.

A human invention supposedly made for the purpose of

keeping us informed as to ''issues'', (as deemed 

by the publishers)regarded as important, significant, relevant,

and....oh, yeah,...... before the event of ''fake news''.... truthful.

According to Alison Holman and some of her colleges from the 

University of California it seems that news coverage is far

more than a source of benign facts.

What they have discovered is that it can sneak into our subconscious

and interfere with both our mental and physical health/well being.

Being peppered with bad news from morning

to night affects our emotions, we can become anxious, depressed,

and at times experience a sense of hopelessness.

Before there were podcasts, social media and websites, it was far 

easier to switch off the news if one wanted to.

All one had to do was to not read the papers and turn off the 

radio and TV.

These days however, most of the population on this planet carry with

it a 24/7 ''news delivery device'' aka a mobile/cell phone.

Phones are forever ''pinging'' everywhere you go with 

(at least in my case) news updates.

Since tragedy and disaster sell more ''clicks'' (papers),

good news stories hardly ever make the ''front page''/views.

Us humans are prone to negativity-bias, which means we pay

more attention to ''blood and guts'' than ''butterflies and

rainbows''. 

Not only do we pay more attention to negative stimuli, but

we also tend to dwell on it. 

(Ex: ''Building collapses and kills 4 children and injures 56.''

Why not: ''Building collapses and injures 56 children only 4 died.'')

Friend: ''I love your new place, it's so fresh and light and the view is

fantastic, but, it's quite small isn't it?''

You: ''Small? What do you mean small? I don't think it's small.''

After your friend has left what is the word that sticks?

Fantastic? Fresh? Light? or small?

I'm guessing that for the next few days you'll keep pondering 

if your new place perhaps is too small.

We dwell on the one negative aspect even if it is wrapped up in a 

thousand superlatives. Some say that we do so because

it helps us to deal with possible threats.

Hm. I don't know about that.

Right now I have a feeling that inserting a few more ''good news'' 

stories amongst all the ''bad news'' ones could be a

good idea. Because, here's the thing, good things happen

every day just like bad things. We're just not told

about them as loudly and as often.

Some years back I decided to just check and see if there

was a Good News site, and lo and behold, I found a few.

Just Google Good News and you will find them.

Does the heart good methinks.

Once upon a time, the news used to be synonymous

with facts, with accuracy, with objectivity, and an

adherence to ethics and throwing light on subject

matters hidden in the dark.

But sadly, I'm not so sure that this is the case any more.

When you hear/watch/read the news, how often do

you take the time to find out how secure or sound the

source of the information is?

Is the source biased? Is the source reliable? Is the

source well-known and generally well-respected?

Do you only go to one site for the news or 

do you ''surf'' a few?

Do you seek confirmation only for your own views or

do you include opposing views as well?

News always go through a bias filter.

The bias of the person who owns the site, the bias of

the editor, the writer, the photographer, the site designer,

the printer, and so on.

To be a human is to be biased. We have never seen our faces

with our own eyes, we have only ever seen our faces

in the mirror, and what we see in the mirror is a mere reflection

of what we think we look like.

''Fake news and rumors thrive on line because too many

of us fail to take the time to check the veracity of what

we read. Often we merely seek for content that reinforces 

our own biases.''

(Citizen Z)

about the image: Ink on paper, some editing in Photoshop

What is the soul? James Brown or...?

Browsing through a magazine I came across a photo of

this young man. The caption beneath it read: Young soldier

on the way to his first deployment.

 Some say that ''the eyes are the window to the soul''.

 Judging from the intensity in this young soldier's eyes,

I sensed a troubled and anxious soul.

Soul, in my view, is one of those ambiguous words that

is commonly used but when it boils down to it,

 can be very hard to define.

Some say that the soul is the incorporeal essence of

a living being. Others extend the meaning of the word to

include other very ambiguous words such as: conscience, reason,

 memory, thinking, perception, feeling and many more......

Ambiguous in what way? you may ask.

For me they are ambiguous because they are ''intangible''

concepts and the meaning we assign to such words depends on

our individual perception of them.

(Most of us would probably agree that living beings

have a soul, but exactly where it resides in a living being,

well, that's a different story.)

The first time I heard the word ''Soul'' was when my sister

came home with a Sam Cooke record.

I was instantly hooked and listened to 

''A change is gonna come'' over and over.

Something about the music and words just rang true to me.

Mind you, at that time I was barely a teenager and

only spoke Swedish, yet I still knew that Soul Music was

''real''. 

Compared to The Beatles, Rolling Stones, and other pop

groups at that time(-60's), Soul music had nothing to

do with ''celebreality'', nah, it was all about rhythm and

groove, with tinges of Gospel and Blues.

It was music you could really feel all through your body.

One after the other Soul artist and group hit the music

scene all over the globe. We were ''Sitting on the 

Dock of the Bay'', ''Dancing in the Streets'', showing

''Respect'', ''Stopping in the Name of Love'', and

''Getting Ready'' and ''Uptight''.

Soul Music was ''black'' music and often spoke of

 the difficulties that the African-American people were

enduring during the turbulent and often very violent 60's.

I still remember the first time I heard Marvin Gaye sing

''Trouble Man'' and Swedish though I was, somehow

music composed and performed by Black artists appealed

more to me than any other kind of music at that time.

It had........well, soul. (=deep felt emotion)

Some of us may believe that the soul is a term for 

something, an essence, that is immortal.

Something that after we die leaves our earthly bodies

and joins ....well, something eternal.

And comforting as the thought may be,

as yet, there is no real evidence for such being the case.

But then again, there are many things we consider as

''real'' though all we have are words and not scientific 

evidence to support their/its existence.

Take for instance; mind, consciousness, love, soul, time,

reality, truth, etc. etc. aka things we have words for

but we can't really prove exist.

Some things, in my view, we simply choose to 

believe to be ''real'' because we want it to be.

''I have come to realize that our soul is not a static element

or something we can ever put into words. 

It is something we find and embrace in bits and pieces

flowing through an endless journey of life.''

(Debatrayee Banerjee)

about the image: acrylic on canvas filtered in Photoshop

''I think I better dance now.......''

 My mother used to dance. Ballet that is.

Some people hear music and then instantly feel a need to

start moving their body. 

Me? Not so much until I heard ''Killing in the name of'' with

Rage Against the Machine. Truth be told, I'm not sure that

one could call what I did ''dancing'' exactly. Jumping

around would probably be closer to what I did.

''Rage'' tends to do that for me. I think it's something to

do with the energy they produce. My son loves all types

of "Metal'' as in Avant-garde, Black, Alternative, Fusion, etc..

When asked what he liked about ''Metal'' he answered: The energy.

The energy? I was perplexed. I had never thought about music

in conjunction with energy. 

Speed/tempo yes, but never the kind of energy that different 

genres of music may evoke in the listener.

Take ''relaxation music'' for instance, a billion dollar

industry. In my view it's a low energy music that helps many

of us to slow down, to relax, to chill out.

Rather than feeling the urge to get up and dance to it, most

of us would probably feel the urge to be still.

Regardless, music even if it does perhaps not entice us to dance,

it does more often than not evoke an emotional response

in of us.

I remember as a small child wondering why some music

made me feel sad and some made me feel up-beat/happy.

 Wondering why music affects our emotions/feelings

the way it does, is now a matter for serious scientific research 

by some scientists. 

What they have discovered is that

the brain does not have one special place where it analyzes

music, rather, different parts of the brain analyzes different 

parts of the music such as; melody, harmony, rhythm, 

speed/tempo, volume, instrumentation, etc. etc.

What they have also discovered (with the help of MRI, 

Magnetic Resonance Imaging) is that depending on what

we are doing, different parts of the brain ''light up''.

What they have found is that the

 parts of the brain that deals with emotions also 

light up in response to music. This, they believe,

indicates that music is directly connected to our 

feelings.

If we consider music from a global perspective, 

one may wonder if what constitutes ''sad'' and ''happy'' music 

(commonly used terms)would not perhaps vary 

from culture to culture.

 A group of researchers, 

(sorry, but I can't remember the source right now.) 

studying this particular subject decided to look into it.

     Armed with five images of faces showing different

emotions; happy, sad, angry, confused, fearful, 

and pieces of music that in their view corresponded with

those images, the group traveled across the globe

to the most remote places they could find.

What they found was that although the test subjects

had never heard the kind of music they were

subjected to, somehow most of the time they still 

connected the faces to the music ''correctly''.

Music is important, important because it connects us

in so many different ways, and it needs no translation.

At basically every significant event we take part in, there will be

music. (Imagine if there wasn't!)

We use it to celebrate different communal occasions such as births,

 weddings and funerals, dances and sports events,

parties and other kinds of gatherings, religious and

non-religious rituals, festivals and feasts, etc. etc. etc.

''Music can name the unnamable and communicate

the unknowable.''

(Leonard Bernstein)

''Where words leave off, music begins.''

(Heinrich Heine)

''Music produces a kind of pleasure humans can't do without.''

(Confucius)

''Strange though it may so seem,

 sad, sad music can actually heal.

It can be a most treasured friend,

your heavy burdens it will tend.

It can set free your hidden tears,

deep felt emotions, locked up for years.''

(Citizen Z)

Oh, I just remembered another time when

I heard a song that made me want to dance.

Well, jump around. Unfortunately I was in

my car on the way home from a gig at that time

so I had to settle for boogie-ing in my seat.

What was the song? ''Bring me to life'' with

Evanescence.

about the image: acrylic on large canvas

title: Dancers waiting for the accompanist

Just start......take the first step

The first word in the letter said: ''Congratulation! You have

won a 1.000 pound voucher at Boosey & Hawkes.'' 

''How?'' I wondered. When I bought something in a music shop in

 London my receipt had apparently been entered into a 

competition and as luck would have it, I won.

Going back to the shop to redeem my prize I decided to

use the money to buy a soprano saxophone. 

Holding the glistening, beautiful, instrument in my hands

it dawned on me that I had no idea how to play it.

As out of nowhere I suddenly remembered a Chinese saying:

''Every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.''

''Just start" I said to myself and so I did.

A year or so later I realized that I needed recording equipment.

The goal was to produce a Demo and hopefully gain some

interest from a Record label. 

I went to our local music shop, had an in depth conversation

with the proprietor as to what I needed to purchase in order

to set up a small recording studio.

''It's all about digital these days'' said the proprietor.

''Do you know anything about it?'' he asked.

''No, but I know that every journey of a thousand miles

 begins with a single step,'' I answered.

When the boxes with all the new equipment arrived

I said to myself: ''Just start.''

I made a few demo's, sent them off to a number of different

Record Companies, got a fair number of interviews, performed on

British TV and a number of Pubs and Clubs. However due to

family circumstances, we had to return to Australia.

Coming back to Australia I joined a pop band as a keyboard player,

formed a Jazz Quartet as a tenor sax player, and entered the

Conservatorium of Music.

Pondering how I was going to be able to do all these things

at the same time I said to myself: ''Just start.''

Eventually, everything fell apart. My best friend died in a

car accident, my partner wanted a divorce, my son,

a sensitive 13 year old, was bullied mercilessly at school,

and I was diagnosed with Anorexia. 

When my hair began to fall out and my doctor told

me that unless I put on weight I was going to die,

I knew that I had to sort out my life, but how?

Just start.

When my son was 17 years old he left home

and moved in to a share house with some ''friends'',

friends who turned out to be dealers, addicts and thieves.

 So began a nightmare that lasted for over ten years.

When he eventually returned home he was an alcoholic,

 diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality disorder,

and a broken man.

How does one deal with that?

Every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,

just start.

I started by accepting that I couldn't go this alone.

I needed help.

By chance I found a psychologist

who introduced me to mindfulness, and to Dialectic Behaviour 

Therapy. 

With his help I no longer had to travel my journey

of a thousand miles alone. Each step I took, he took with me.

Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder are not

mental health issues that can be cured. 

They can only be managed. 

So with the help of my psychologist and a lot of

reading and researching I gained a much better understanding

of the ''demons'' my son has to deal with.

Why is getting started sometimes so hard?

A few suggestions:

Because it involves change, and for some of us,

any kind of change can be experienced as scary.

Because some of us are scared of failing.

Because some of us are scared of looking silly

when we try something new.

Because some of us are scared that we may seem incompetent.

Let me ask you this: what would you start doing/saying/thinking

if there was no risk of you failing or looking silly?

What if there is no such thing as failure, only a less desired

outcome?

Planning to make a plan is not making a plan.

so, 

Just start.

''It's in starting with the first step other steps

become clearer.''

(?)

about the image: water colour on paper