Sometimes it takes a crisis for us to learn........

The girl with the far-away look in her eyes.

What is she seeing?

It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining and there is a mild

breeze rustling the leaves in the trees.

Our cat is still waiting at the door to be feed, the birds

are still tweeting, the crickets are still chirping and 

that annoying dog across the field is still barking.

Just another ordinary day.

Well, not really.

Looking back at history, mankind as a whole has faced

threats to its existence on a number of occasions.

Whether those threats were man-made, nature-made, or

a combination of both, they have all been very costly.

Costly, but also informative. One of mankind's strengths

in my view, is that we seem to learn ''things'' from our

ordeals. 

Our men and women of the ''frontier''...scientist/psychologists/

biologists/ sociologists/researchers/physicists/etc.etc.

take the information/data/stats from the ordeals and then 

transform it (when or if possible) into appliable knowledge.

Once we know how to overcome our threat, we move forward.

Right now however, we are in our ''gathering info'' stage and for most

of us it is scary.

Unfortunately, when we are scared we often do things

that in hindsight we probably wished we would't have done.

It can be difficult to take the ''high road'' when we feel that

our family's existence is threatened, so we need to be mindful

of the truism: United we stand, divided we fall.

We may not like being told to stay home,

 remember, there are those who have no home.

We may not like being told to not hang with our friends,

remember, there are those who have no friends.

We may not like to be told to stay with our families,

remember, there are those who have no family to stay with.

We may not like to be told what we can and cannot buy,

remember, there are those who cannot afford to buy even

the essentials.

We may not like to be told that we have to do our jobs from home,

remember, there are those who no longer have a job.

While our men and women of the frontier work day and night

to find a way to overcome this threat, the rest of us can

assist them by not running amok and so cause unnecessary

and avoidable damage and pressure to an already

difficult situation.

''It may not feel like it,

but every new day,

we are given

 the opportunity

to choose

what kind of person

we want to be.

Whether we want to

overcome life's obstacles

or be overcome

by them.''

(Citizen Z)

about the image: photo edited in Photoshop

Dealing with uncertainty........

Are you worried?

Lots of us are.

Some of us are even panicking.

Something so small it can only by seen through the lens

of a very powerful microscope has mankind shaking in

its boots.

Which to me seems kinda ironic somehow.

Viruses, whether of the organic or computer/techno kind

can be mighty powerful and potentially wreck havoc with life as

we know it. 

As a matter of fact, it has already started.

Here in Australia we are doing what most other infected

countries are doing: shutting down the borders, cancelling

events that involves many people gathering in the one place,

telling us to stay at home, wash our hands, etc.etc.

In short, ''bunker'' down.

These are uncertain times, and uncertainty is probably one of those

things that we(humans) fear the most.

At this point, nobody has a vaccine, nobody knows the origin of 

the virus, and nobody knows why it affects different people

so differently.

Experts of different kinds offer different views and suggestions on

how this virus can be contained while our governments tell us to

stay calm, follow instructions and not panic.

(Although not panicking, I still worry about the magnitude of the 

impact that this tiny little ''enemy'' will have on our planet in the long run.)

Good health is something that I think that many of us often

take for granted, or at least, don't spend all that much time thinking

about. Until... something happens to us or those we care about.

Often when this happens we go in to a ''fixing mode''; aka so how do

we deal with this, and what can be done?

Which is the stage we are at at the moment. 

What can we do? Learn from past experiences.

We know how important hygiene is, we know how viruses spread,

we know that finding a vaccine is imperative, we know that

some people are more susceptible than others so those

people need our extra consideration.

We also know that this virus is unbiased, that is, we are all 

potential ''targets'' to our little enemy regardless of our physical

or mental or financial status.

''United we stand - Divided we fall.'' said Aesop in the 6th century B.C.

and as one country after the other falls victim

to this insidious virus, maybe we(mankind) stand to benefit

 from heeding Aesop's advice.

Perhaps if we treat this virus attack as an attack on mankind we

can unite as One.

For example, if we start with leaving politics and religion out of it,

and then proceed to focus on pooling our resources, insights, 

 experts, medical expertise, and our scientific findings,

we may be able to come up with a solution much faster,

and by doing so, save many lives.

When I was just a kid, Polio was the ''enemy'' that

everyone feared. Today, thanks to

Albert Sabin who developed a vaccine that

came in to commercial use in 1961, it is

a know enemy with a known solution to defeat it.

Living is risky business, but in my view, uncertainty is

pretty much one of the very few certainties that we 

can count on in life.

Worrying. although often a knee-jerk reaction can

in my view often be placated to by fact finding missions.

''What do I know for sure, is it a fact, what can I do

about it, what can I do about it right now, etc.'' are questions that

I often find helpful when I worry. 

In my case, somehow by appealing to the ''thinking brain'' rather than the

''feeling brain'' for answers, is calming.

''This too will pass,

so keep calm and

carry on.''

about the image: acrylic on canvas titled:

 ''Do you remember what happened in New Orleans?''

Who do you see when you look in the mirror?

Most days you may find him standing in front of the windows,

looking, but not really seeing....

But, be not fooled, in his heart and mind he is actually dancing.

When I was studying music at a Music school in Stockholm, 

one of my fellow students was a man called Allan. 

He was 63 years old, had short cropped gray hair, 

a formidable almost ZZ-Top like beard, and always

wore corduroy jackets and pants.

He was a man of few words, but when he spoke,

he did so gently, cautiously, and always thoughtfully.

Much like the way he played his baritone sax; mellowly,

deeply, and soulfully.

I was a shy, scrawny, ''just-out-of-high-school'' kind of

a kid who somehow, had managed to bluff my way into

 to the Music school. 

(I say bluff, because except for Allan, all the others

had formal training and could both read and write

music.)

For some reason, Allan took me under his wing although

he was almost 50 years older than me. He helped me to

trust my musical instincts, ''wing it'' as it was called, and

for the first two years neither my piano teacher or the

other tutors seemed to notice that I could not read a dot

of music. 

Allan was a seasoned jazz musician and had ''gigged''

for years all over Sweden, sometimes even with

some of the touring greats from America.

During our breaks I would pepper Allan with questions

about his experiences; what were the ''greats'' like, were they

awesome, did they share any ''secrets'', any inside tips

on improvisation, who was the most famous musician

he had played with, etc.etc.

I was a young and very eager pup with a dream to become

a great jazz pianist and absolutely clueless as to the many

dangers and pitfalls that lurked behind the ''curtain''.

One morning arriving late at school, I found Allan 

asleep on one of the couches in the foyer stinking of booze.

On the floor in front of the couch, stood a half empty litre bottle of Vodka.

I was horrified. I had never even seen Allan drink a beer, little less

a bottle of Vodka.

I tried to wake him. 

''Go away! Piss off!'' 

''Allan, it's me, ''Little One", I said tentatively. (''Little One'' was Allan's

nickname for me.)

Allan let out a heavy sigh, then sat up holding his head.

''Man, my head hurts!''

''Little One, come here, sit next to me and I'll tell you

what it's really like to be a working musician.''

I quickly hid the Vodka bottle in my backpack then sat

down next to him.

''One day you look in the mirror and the person staring back at

you, is a stranger, an old twat that looks familiar but you

tell yourself is not you, because you are a strapping young lad.

But if you keep looking, a movie of your life starts to play.

You see yourself eagerly practicing on your instrument,

full of hope and visions of fulfilling your dream of being ''great''.

Next you see yourself joining bands, doing gigs, traveling 

all over the place, basking in notoriety, partying and 

living it up. One year merges in to the next, and the next,

until you suddenly realize that your ''chops'' are gone.

The partying has taken the place of practicing, 

your wife has left you and your kids don't want to know you.

Music, that once used to mean everything to you has

become a chore, something you just do to keep afloat.

And then slowly as you keep staring into the mirror

you finally realize, that

the old wrinkled twat with glazed over eyes looking right at

you, is you. 

Little One, listen to me, always put the music first.

Keep practicing, keep learning, keep striving, stay clean,

stay focused, stay in love with the music that you

have in your heart.''

Allan took my hand in his and then said: ''Promise me you will

do that Little One, promise me.''

I barely dared to breathe, but I promised him that I would,

and to this day, I have never broken that promise.

Allan left music school in the middle of the third year

when he suddenly had a stroke which left him paralyzed

in his left arm and so ended his playing.

Although he often used to call himself an ''old fart",

in my eyes, he was never an old anything.

For me,

 he, and his huge heart, were evergreen.

''You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.''

(George Burns)

''Age is an issue of mind over matter.

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.''

(Mark Twain)

(If you are interested in what Allan's playing sounded like,

google Pepper Adams and/or Gerry Mulligan.)

about the painting: acrylic on large canvas

Is success the same as happiness?

What do we mean when we use the word success?

Fame? Fortune? Big house, big boat, big car, big bank account,

big presence in society, a big footprint?

After years of training, a man finally reaches the top

of the mountain. He plants his flag to mark the event.

''I did it!'' he says proudly to himself.

He admires the view, takes a big breath of fresh air,

and then......he is quite unexpectedly overcome

by feelings of melancholia.

''Now what?'' he asks himself.

Success, if defined very broadly, can perhaps be

defined as a satisfying outcome to an accomplishment/goal/undertaking.

I can't help but wonder why so many seemingly highly

successful people somehow just don't seem that happy.

Daily there are reports in the media on ''successful'' people being 

caught up in all manner of scandals and behaving ''badly''.

Is there perhaps an element of self-corrosion in too much success?

Is the struggle and hard work that it takes to achieve 

success(as defined by the pursuer) the rewarding/satisfying bit

rather than the ''planting of the flag''?

Maya Angelou defines success this way:

''Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and

liking how you do it.''

As far as I can ascertain, there are many different reasons

as to why so many of us seek success, but perhaps the most important

reason for why we do so has a lot to do with what we envisage

 success may bring us.

According to Frank Sinatra: ''The best revenge is massive success.''

Depending upon the culture we grow up in, I think it's fair

to suggest that our definition of success is highly influenced

by that culture's definition.

Success= wealth. Success= notoriety. Success=power. 

Success=title. Success= Large Media presence. Success=beauty.

Etc.etc.etc.

The pursuit of success can be a heavy burden if our own 

definition of success is different to the one generally

ascribed to by the society in which we live.

However, when it comes down to it, we can choose whether

we will align ourselves with that definition , or... not.

''Strive not to be a success but rather to be of value.'' said

Albert Einstein.

''Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of

self-satisfaction in knowing that you did your

best to become the best that you are

capable of becoming.''

(John Wooden)

What does success mean for me?

A kind and open heart,

a willingness to listen,

a patient and compassionate mindset,

and an eagerness to learn.

What does it mean for you?

about the image: inks and pen on paper

Want to know more about yourself? Go eye to eye with a wild animal.........

I have always found elks to be magnificent looking

animals. Not that I have ever been that

up and close with one, but there is something

so very graphic about their silhouette methinks.

Ducking in to a small coffee shop to get a latte for

work (at that time in a gallery), while waiting, 

 I saw a life size decal (huge sticker) of an elk

plastered on one of the walls.

Admiring the image suddenly brought a long

 forgotten memory to the forefront of my mind.

I had indeed been very close-up with a wild elk once.

In my early 20's, a friend and I decided to ride

our Vespas from way up the north of Sweden down to

Stockholm.

This meant going through miles and miles of deep, deep,

untouched pine forests. 

Bar from the odd bird squawking now and then

and the humming of our vespas, we were surrounded by

silence. 

Not a silence as in the absence of sound, but more like

the silence of an empty cathedral.

It was definitely a spiritual kind of experience as we

forged our way forward. I think I was so immersed

in the experience that I forgot to keep an eye on the distance

between me and my friend.

But when my Vespa suddenly coughed, spluttered, 

and then just stopped, I realized that I was all alone

in the middle of a never ending forest.

I dragged the Vespa to the side of the road and

pondered my fate.

As this was long before the mobile phone, there

was no way for me to contact my friend or anybody

else. I was stuck.

All I could do was to wait and hope that somebody would

show up. I sat down on the seat on my Vespa, pulled

up the zipper on my parka and prepared myself for

a long wait.

Above the treetops I could see the sun slowly sinking

and the air changing from fresh to chilling.

Hugging myself trying to stay warm, every now 

and then doing a little dance to keep the circulation going,

I was beginning to fret.

Suddenly there was a strange noise coming from 

behind me.

I quickly turned around and looked straight into eyes of

a massive elk. His nostrils were flaring with mist,

his horns large and sharp, and his breathing slow but very scary.

In an instant I became a statue hardly even daring

to breathe.

 Quietly I argued with myself whether I should stare

the elk in the eyes or glue my gaze to the ground.

I had no clue about elk etiquette, so I played it safe

and kept staring at the ground.

Whoosh! A stream of hot air hit my face.

The elk's nose was only a few centimeters away from

my own.

Okay, now what???

Suddenly the elk took a step back, and then another,

and then stopped.

Very slowly I turned my head so that I could see what

he was doing. It looked as if he was listening to something.

What was he hearing?

Ah. There it was. The sound of my friend's Vespa.

I turned my head toward the sound and saw my friend

far in the distance coming toward me.

And the elk? Just as quickly as he had appeared, he disappeared.

''What are you doing?'' my friend asked me when he pulled

up next to me.

''My Vespa just stopped'', I answered.

Ten minutes later, spark-plug cleaned and my engine

running again, we carried on on our journey.

Although, this time I made sure that I was never further

away from my friend than at a ''hollering'' distance.

It's one thing to look a wild animal in the eyes while

that animal is in some sort of enclosure, but it's a very different

experience to do so when there is nothing but a breath

between you and that animal.

Respect, my fellow creature.

''When you look a wild animal into the eye, it's like

catching a glimpse into the soul of nature itself.''

(Paul Oxton)

about the image: In a dollar shop I found a small ''make-it-yourself''

model of an elk's head made from wood. After I assembled it, I took a

photo of it and then did a little bit of editing in Photoshop.

An unexpected encounter......................

It started to rain.

At first quite gently, but not for long.

The skies opened up.

I decided to run for cover.

Not far off, I saw a sign for Starbucks.

That became my destination.

The coffee shop was full of people, wet people,

loud people, laughing people, and talking people.

Some duff-duff music was trying to permeate

the highly charged atmosphere in the coffee shop

but it fell on deaf ears.

I managed to squeeze myself just inside the doors

and then tried to shake off some of the rain off my clothes.

I didn't really mind being wet, but I did mind the throbbing

headache that had begun a few hours earlier.

There is probably a scientific explanation as to why

coffee can get rid of some types of headaches,

but at that time in my life all I knew was that a strong

cup of coffee could make a headache go away.

Slowly, but surely, one customer after the other 

made their orders until finally, it was my turn.

''Double-shot-medium size-latte, please.''

I paid and then walked to the back of the coffee shop

and waited for them to call out my order.

One by one orders were called out and people left.

When the people at a table next to me left, I quickly

sat down on one of the empty chairs.

That's when I saw her.

Dressed in a crisp off-white shirt dress, short white

hair and immaculate facial make-up, there she stood,

looking like she had walked straight out of a glossy

fashion magazine.

There was an air of grace and stillness about her.

In my imagination I saw her surrounded by cherry blossoms

and beautiful old Japanese tea houses.

I was transfixed.

As though she could feel that I was staring at her, she suddenly

turned around and looked straight at me.

I felt obliged to say something to her, so I stood up,

walked up to her and asked: ''Would it be okay if I took a photo of you?''

She smiled, clasped her hands in front of her torso, and then

 nodded a ''yes''.

I pulled out my camera (which I happened to have on me)

and shot three photos.

I thanked her, she nodded again, and that was it.

When I came home and had a look at the shots

I had taken, I knew that I had to try to make a painting

of her.

A painting that somehow would capture some of the grace, 

and some of the stillness, 

that radiated from and through her presence.

''Whether we are aware of it or not,

hide it or not,

the energy(vibes) that drives

and or consumes us,

often finds a way to become visible

to others.''

(Citizen Z)

Kindness is not a sign of weakness.......

Yesterday I watched a movie about the man who founded

the ''Make a Wish Foundation''.

As far as childhoods go, Jack's childhood was fraught

with a constant flow of obstacles, hardships,

 and disappointments.

Mostly due to his mother's failure to uphold a

court order stating regular visitations by his

beloved and loving father.

(Every time Jack's father would find them, his mother would

pack up their very small trailer and leave.)

At eleven, his mother told him that his dad had died in

a car accident, (a lie) and before Jack could catch his

breath, she threw her things in the back of her

new boyfriend's truck and left.

To cut a long story short; Jack ran. Eventually he ended up

at a diner owned by a very kind man who took him in

and raised him as his son. ''Son'', he said to Jack, ''when

someone needs help, you help.''

This advice eventually inspired Jack to start 

the Make a Wish Foundation.

As far back as I can remember, I have been puzzled

by why we (humans) so often seem to find

it so hard to chose kindness as our first

response in any number of different situations.

Some suggest that for some of us kindness is

perceived as a weakness, a sign of emotional frailty

 and ''softness'' rather than a strength.

Some even view kind people as ''push-overs'',

as gullible, and easily taken advantage of.

To be kind it seems, is for some of us synonymous with 

vulnerability, and vulnerability is ''bad'' because it ''opens''
the possibility for us to be hurt or worse still, to be rejected.

''Better to keep people uncertain of who you really are

by being cool, aloof, and mysterious, than to show your

heart and be deemed a ''softie''.

Julia Breur, a clinical psychotherapist:  ''Some remain

stagnant in their human development as protective

(of themselves and others)

and others continue to develop with the realization that

they can protect(themselves and others) by being kind.''

In between gigs, I have often had to compliment my meager

''music'' income by working in various kinds of warehouses.

I did so on and off for 10 years but the environment

was so toxic and ''back-breaking'' (literally) that I decided

to embrace poverty. (= quit) 

But before I left, I wanted to set the record straight as

to why I never once responded with nasty words to all

the nasty words that had been hurled at me.

With my lunch box under my arm, I walked up the 

warehouse manager, looked him straight in the eyes and said:

''Never, ever, mistake kindness for weakness!!'' and with

those words I left the warehousing ''gambit'' forever.

(As a 20-something year old, I decided to never use

my intelligence for ''evil'' or nastiness, or to hurt someone

else with, and to this day, I have never broken that promise.

Kindness, has always been one of my most

important personal values.)

Perhaps at this point it may be good for me to give

you my definition of kindness.

''Kindness is a deliberate response and or an action taken not based
on the cost or gain to the self, but on the concern and regard
for the other.'' 

A little act of kindness, given or received un-expectedly,
is like someone whispering gently into your soul;
I see you, and you are not alone. (Citizen Z)

About the image: Teddy is a little bear I created and he appears
on a number of posts on this blog site