Are we letting numbers and digits control our lives?

A few days before I finished college, I was called into the

principals office.

As I entered the office, I was met by a stern looking principal

and an even sterner looking math's teacher.

I was told to sit down, and although I should probably have

been shaking in my boots, I was not. I sat down full of the confidence

of a ''mature'' (an oxymoron really) teenager, crossed my arms

and waited for a tongue lashing.

''You do realize that I can't actually give you a final grade in math's

since you have failed every test this year'', Mr Peterson, the math's teacher

said as he raised his eyes above the rim of his glasses.

''Is there a reason for you failing all your tests?''

Mr Peterson and the principal both looked at me with

searching eyes as they waited for me to give an answer.

So I told them that I had been accepted to the Conservatorium

of Music and that I would start straight away after the

summer holidays.

Boldly I told them that there was no need for math's in

music so I didn't care about not receiving a grade, because

I was going to become a professional musician.

Much to my bewilderment, as I was making my proclamation,

they looked at each other, smirked, and with a ''Good Luck'' I

was shown the door.

What was that all about? I wondered.

So, this is what you need to know: Until I started to study music,

I was what is called an ''ear player''. Which meant I learned how

to play by listening and then copying. 

I could not read a dot of music, it was all hieroglyphics to me.

For the first two years of studies I faked my way through

all my lessons by relying on my ears, but as the music we

studied became more and more complex,

it became clear to me that knowing how to read sheet music

was a definitely a huge benefit.

(Reading sheet music one does not have to memorize everything.)

I finally told my piano teacher, Stella Tchaikovsky, that I couldn't

read music and this made her roll her eyes, and slap me on the shoulder.

''Naughty!!! she exclaimed.

So, from then on, I started to learn how to turn the ''hieroglyphics''

into something that I would eventually be able to read as easily

as words on a page.

And guess what.....it's all math's!!!!

Numbers everywhere. Numbers for the notes, the tempo, the

chords, the fingering, the scales, the modes, etc.etc.

(Hence the reason for the math teacher and principal

smirking when I told them that there is no math's in music.

They knew there was. 

Mind you, regular math's does not ''sound'' as good

as musical math's methinks.)

(A digit is a single numerical from 0 to 9. A number is a string of 

one or more digits.)

Alright, enough with the technical stuff.

What was once primarily a tool for measuring and counting 

has now progressed into something that in my view seems

to be pivotal to life as we know it.

Right now, for instance, I am typing this and what I see

looks like words, letters, but, really it's 1's and 0's.

And, the image above looks like a man and a giant question mark

although really, what I see, is a bunch of pixels.

More and more we are relying on the intangible, codes of

1's and 0's, than on the tangible.

Which for me is a bit of a worry.

I watched a doco on Netflix which asserted that basically

it would only take 8 good hackers to cause serious havoc on

 the planet. I think they said that it could be done

 using a process I think they called ''the process of

 a fire sale''.

Are we putting too much trust in technology?

Are we relying too much on numbers and digits?

Since all technology is driven by some form of ''energy'', 

what happens if we run out of it?

Will tomorrow's child know how to make a fire, 

know how to cook over an open fire,

know how to keep warm without electricity,

know how to wash clothes without a machine,

know how to work together face to face,

know how to write, calculate, or draw

 with an ordinary pencil?

I can't help but wonder if perhaps Albert Einstein

was right when he said:

''It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has

exceeded our humanity.''

about the image: acrylic on paper in homage to the original movie poster

Bias....so easy to detect in others, yet often invisible to ourselves......

Deduction, the process of reaching a decision or answer by

thinking about the known facts.

Known Facts. How does one distinguish a known fact

from an assumed or perceived fact? What makes a fact a fact?

Usually, a fact is something that can be demonstrated to be true

either with evidence and or proven to be true.

Before I started to read a lot of books on philosophy, I never 

really considered whether a fact is actually a fact, now however,

I am pondering whether outside of mathematics, facts are more

often than not influenced by the ''eyes of the beholder''.

History tells us that facts often tend to change as the sciences 

uncovers new ''facts'' regularly.

(Bloodletting does not cure, the earth is not flat, earth is not the center

of the universe etc.etc.)

Confusing the subjective with the objective or vice versa, is 

something many of us do without even being aware of

doing so. We may feel as if we are very logical in our reasoning,

it makes perfect sense to us, so it must be a fact.

But, is it really possible to be objective as a human being?

Is it possible as a human being to be bias free?

According to Emily Pronin, we all have a bias ''blind spot''.

Through research Emily together with other colleagues have done,

results have shown that we are largely immune/blind to our 

own biases.

We are quick to spot biases that others may have, 

but less quick to spot our own.

Pronin and her colleagues found that when we evaluate others,

we tend to go by behaviours, but introspection often fails 

to disclose to us how our own biases affect our behaviours.

Bias, something that often feels like a ''fact'', is in

fact not a fact, it is predilection. Whaaaaa...t?

(A preference for or against is already present in our minds,

although commonly hidden in our subconscious.)

When my son became a goth, folks were very quick to

tell me that being a goth was all manner of wrong.

At first I listened them, and then it dawned on me that

I didn't really know what being a goth meant for my son.

So I asked him, he made sense, and that was that.

It was a valuable lesson for me, so I decided to confront

a number of biases that I found hidden just beneath

my knee-jerk reactions.

Not all drunks are irrational and or violent, not all homeless

 people are so due to their own doing, not all ''crazy behaving''

 people are crazy, not all jobless people are dole bludgers,

well, the list was long.

To overcome my biases, I decided to confront them, and

that meant joining a number of charities dealing with

the realities and experiences that so many people

who deal with these issues go through every day.

I think that perhaps we throw around the terms ''fact'' and

''known fact'' too lightly and carelessly at times in our

haste to score a point, to be right, or to win a debate.

Whether something is a fact or not matters little to

someone who has already decided that they

 KNOW the REAL fact.

A tool I have found to be really useful when it comes

to checking up on my biases, is to ask myself: 

''Do I have any evidence, any substantial proof that

verifies my stance on this matter?

What is the source? Is the source reliable?

Is it backed by a number of different experts in the field?

Is there an underlying hidden agenda?''

In my view: A well founded deduction depends on reliable facts,

verifiable evidence, and a consideration of 

many possibilities in order to be trustworthy.

''We don't see things as they are,

we see things as we are.''

(Anais Nin)

about the image: acrylic on paper, it's not a print, this is a hand-painted

piece.

Happiness is but a moment, not a continuous state.......

I stare at the number, but it just doesn't compute.

2020. Really. 

2020 sounds more like the title of a Science Fiction novel than

reality to me.

I don't know about you, but I am worried about the future.

The future of this Planet, and the future of mankind.

For all the advancements and progress we have made,

have we really considered the possible consequences

and the costs they may bring?

Are we asking ourselves the ''right'' questions before we

throw ourselves head first towards pushing boundaries?

Are some boundaries perhaps best kept?

Is the ''new'' always better than the old?

After all, regardless of all our advancements,

basically, do we not still deal with the same needs,

wants, and desires that we did hundreds of years ago?

Do we not all still share the need for belonging, for 

feeling accepted and included, for being loved

and love in return, for being valued and appreciated,

and for being understood?

Do not most of us chase after ''happiness''?

Happiness, this illusive something that is so hard to define,

and so often behaves like a slippery bar of soap.

(Just when we think we have a hold of it, it slips through

our fingers.)

Often, I think we attach conditions to what we think we may need

in order to be happy.

When I get xyz I will be happy, when xyz happens I will

be happy, when he/she/they accept me I will be happy, etc.etc.

Strangely, more often than not, even when our conditions

are met, the feeling of happiness often tends to wean off.

So, we come up with new conditions.

And like hamsters in a wheel, we keep on running.

James Pawelski, a philosopher says : ''Happiness is both a goal of, 
and a construct of culture.''

(I take this to mean that regardless of where on this planet

 we may live, how we view happiness depends on the culture in which

we live.)

But, what if happiness is not a ''state'', what if happiness rather than

being a continuous state, is more of a moment?

And a floating one at that.

If this is the case, then in order to experience happiness

we need to be living and experiencing the present moment, the now,

and to let go of the past and the future.

Which is really, really hard to do.

But, not impossible.

But it takes awareness, and learning how to recognize those fleeting

moments that feels like  ''happiness moments''.

We need to acknowledge them, experience them,

 make a mental note of them,

because they will pass, but they always leave a little

''tingle'' behind.

''Happiness is like a snowflake in the palm of your hand.

It lasts but a moment, but it leaves 

a drop of glistening water behind.''

(Citizen Z)

about the image: A graphite drawing I made on cardboard paper from

a photo I took of my son while he was having a ''happiness moment''.

Listening is an action......

The facilitator sighed deeply.

''Counseling'', she said, ''is not about giving advice, it's about listening.

And when I say listening, I mean active listening.

Active listening is a communication technique that requires from

the listener to re-state and paraphrase in his/her own

words what he/she has heard, and by doing so

confirm with the speaker that they understand

each other.''

''Okay class, so what we are going to do now is to split you up

in to groups of four and practice active listening.''

Although we were in our third week of the Crisis counseling course,

we didn't really know each other.

Yet, somehow, groups of four were made.

We placed our chairs in a circle facing each other, we

smiled, we gave each other furtive looks,

 but not one of us spoke.

It seemed none of us wanted to go first.

Roger, one of the few men who attended the course,

finally broke the silence and began to tell us why

he was doing the course.

He told us that he was in the middle of divorce proceedings

and that his wife wanted to break up because she felt that

they never really communicated.

Before long, others in the group began to give him advice.

I remained silent and focused on just listening. 

Not because I didn't also have the urge to

offer some advice, but because the facilitator had told us

to not do so.

Suddenly Roger turned to me and said: ''You haven't said a word,

what do you think?''

Mindful of what the facilitator had told us, I said: ''So what

I have heard you say is that your wife feels that the

communication between you is not very good, is that right?

Yes, he answered.

"What I have also heard you say is that you feel that

when you do try to be open and honest with her, she shuts

you down, is that right?

Yes.

''Am I right in saying that I've heard you say that you offered to

go to couples counseling but that she feels that it's too late?

Yes.

''But you feel that it's not too late and that your marriage can 

still be saved, is that right?''

Yes.

And so it went. I paraphrased, he agreed when he felt that

he was understood correctly, and when he felt that he wasn't,

he re-phrased himself.

One by one, we all took turns speaking about issues that 

were important to us, and although at times

we would give in to the temptation of advice giving,

I think we all discovered the effectiveness of active listening.

At the end of the session, I wrote down some notes. 

If, or when, someone needs a listening ear,

instead of jumping in to ''solving'' mode try saying this:

I am here and I am listening.

I want to hear what you are saying so that I can sense what

you are feeling and thinking.

Can I share with you my perceptions of what you have 

told me to make sure that I'm on track?

Can we explore together your concerns and maybe

that can help in some way to bring clarity to your 

situation?

If I start to give you advice, please tell me to stop.

On the way to my car at the end of the day, Nicola,

another student, caught up with me.

''Do you buy into the ''no advice'' thing? Really, what's the point in

sharing one's troubles with someone if they are not going to

offer any advice on how to fix it? Seems pretty useless to me and

I don't agree with it.''

Before I could answer her she shouted ''See ya" and disappeared

around the corner.

All the way home I pondered what Nicola had said.

Was she right?

Why do so many of us feel the need to offer up solutions?

We may be perplexed by our own problems yet we are

often quick to offer solutions to other's problems.

Let's face it, telling others how to fix their problems

is often far easier than figuring out our own, besides,

it's a kind of ego-boost.

However, creating a space in our hearts and minds by listening,

listening deeply and supportedly, 

may be the most helpful thing we can do

when someone needs a hand.

''What's wrong with giving advice?

Advice is often a basic insult to the intelligence

of the other person.

It implies a lack of confidence in the capacity of the

person with the problem to understand

and cope with his or her own difficulties.''

(Robert Bolton)

about the image: biro on paper... ''open'' your ears and you hear better

ps. Nicola never came back to the course

Anxious? Meh, so is everyone....:)

This, well, for me anyway, is a visual representation

of what happens to our thinking when we are experiencing

a bout of anxiousness, a panic attack, or a ''flash-back''.

Our thinking becomes messy with rapid-fire thoughts

(or memories) and all but does away with our capacity

for ''rational and reasonable'' thinking.

Can you hear your heart pounding,

Or is just me?

Is it really hot in here and hard to breathe,

Or is it just me?

Can you feel an iron grip around your heart,

Or is it just me?

Is your tongue swollen and your mouth bone dry,

Or is it just me?

Do you feel as if your life is threatened and you may possibly die,

Or is it just me?

Do you sometimes feel as if you're losing your mind,

Or is it just me?

Do you try really hard, yet sleep evades you,

Or is it just me?

Do you keep your deepest fears hidden

Or is it just me?

''Life is a hypothesis and not a forgone conclusion'' in my view,

so there will be times in most of our lives when we will

experience anxiety, perhaps even panic attacks and or PTSD.

Although these experiences can be very challenging and scary,

they can also help ''tenderize'' our hearts.

Compassion and understanding comes easier when we have

personal experiences to draw strength from when or if

someone we care about is going through an anxious time.

Often our emotions are a response to our thoughts, 

so putting that ''thinking'' into practice

I have found it helpful to backtrack my thinking when

I feel anxious about something.

''What's been pre-occupying my mind lately/today? The thoughts

swirling about in my mind, are they conjecture and speculation

or true?''

 Throwing facts at worrying thoughts can be very helpful:

 ''Is this something I know for a fact, or am I spit-balling?''

(Although, this necessitates acknowledging and not denying

one's ''worries''.)

''You don't have to control your thoughts.

You just have to stop letting them control you.''

(Dan Millman)

''Being anxious, or having panic attacks or flash-backs does not indicate

a weakness of the mind, rather, it indicates a fertile mind in

which many possibilities are born.''

(Citizen Z)

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.”

Waiting is an opportunity, not a waste of time........

Before I started to paint, I used to do a lot of photography.

I loved my old Analogue SLR and together we shot

many, many photos. Alas, along comes digital cameras

and out went films and the need for labs. 

I bought myself a digital camera, but, I never warmed to it.

I started to paint instead.

Now, many years later, due to torn rotator cuffs and

bursitis in my neck and shoulders, I can no longer paint.

Alas, I have decided to go back to photography as it

does not hurt.

(The above image is a photo I shot in my kitchen an 

hour ago with my crappy, old, low pixel rate,

digital camera.)

Satisfying though it is to instantly be able to see the

image, I have to admit that I miss the waiting for

the ''reveal'' while waiting at the lab for photos

to be developed.

(Although, truth be told, I don't miss the cost involved

with having films processed.)

Waiting, come to think of it, is something many of 

us don't like very much.

Perhaps how we experience the passing of time may have

something to do with how we view waiting?

''Life is short, so I need to cram as much of it into every passing

moment as I can.''

This is of course where i-Thingy's come in handy.

Wherever/whenever we find ourselves having to wait, we can

always fill the time (make use of time) by ''surfing the net'',

listening to music, checking emails, catching up with friends,

etc.etc.

There is no doubt about how very handy it is

to be able to do those things, but lately, I have 

been wondering if it is not possible that we may

miss out on actual ''living experiences'' when we

forfeit it for ''virtual'' ones.

Waiting, for some of us, may feel like we are

''wasting'' our time, so we may feel a need to fill

 it with something we deem more useful.

But, often when we are waiting somewhere,

we are not doing so in a void. Usually, there

are others waiting as well.

At the doctors, in a queue, at the bus/train stop, at the airport,

etc.etc. 

These sorts of situations can be opportunities for

making new connections, for observing life

in the moment, for just ''being''.

According to those in the know, more and more of

us are feeling alienated and lonely.

And I can't help but wonder if our ''obsession'' and

preoccupation with i-Thingy's perhaps has something

to do with that.

If we replace face-to-face interaction with 

virtual interaction, there is some research that

suggest that rather than feeling closer to others,

we feel more isolated.

However, if we use social networking to promote

face-to-face conversations, then the outcome is often

that we feel less lonely.

An i-Thingy can perhaps feel like a ''security blanket'',

but consider this,

is it possible that it can also be viewed as a

''Do Not Disturb'' sign?

Next time you are waiting(for whatever),

why not keep your i-Thingy turned off

and just use your waiting time to 

observe everything around you.

''Life only happens in the Now.''

Funny? Not if someone gets hurt............

 Charlie Chaplin, (above painting) once upon a time was a world

wide known movie star.

Through dark times during the Depression, World War I and II, 

he managed to find a way of allowing mankind some respite

from despair and heartache through his uncanny and wonderful

knack of making us laugh.

 What I find so masterful and insightful about his art is that 

he managed to (and still does) make us laugh at ourselves and all our

idiosyncrasies without any undertones of sarcasm or cynicism.

How often do you laugh?

What would you consider to be ''funny''?

Do you think there is a difference between laughing at verses

laughing with?

There is a theory that suggests that often what we find 

to be funny involves an element of surprise.

(We think we know what will happen next, but then something

else happens instead.)

There seem to be a general consensus that ''laughter is the

best medicine''.

Why?

Well, some say that:

it's good for our blood vessels, our emotional well-being,

it helps with social bonding, makes us more attractive,

lowers our stress and anxiety levels, strengthens our immune

and respiratory systems.

I read somewhere that laughter is about bonding/relationships

rather than a bunch of jokes.

Have you noticed that watching a ''funny'' something together

with others somehow makes it easier to laugh than when

you're on your own?

Actually, if you are sitting alone in a coffee shop, food court, etc.

reading a book, or watching something funny on your

i-Thingy and laughing out loud, 

I'm pretty sure that people will deem you a ''nutter''.

But if there were two of you looking at something,

meh, nothing weird at all.

In 1980, a movie by the title of ''The Gods Must Be Crazy'',

was released and much to the surprise of

critics, audiences world over loved it.

Synopsis: A Coca-Cola bottle dropped from an airplane

raises havoc among a tribe of peaceful African bushmen

who believe the bottle to be a utensil of the Gods.

There is very little talking through the movie,

just a lot of un-expected occurrences taking place,

occurrences that most folks regardless of nationality

 found to be hilarious.

(Including me)

Coming back to laughing with or laughing at, I find

that laughing at is very different from laughing with.

Laughing at often seem to me to be done at someone else's expense.

Laughing with on the other hand, seem to involve the sharing

with someone/others the many absurdities and inconsistencies 

that constitutes human behaviours.

What we may find ''funny'' changes as we age.

Farting is funny when you're 5 years old, embarrassing 

when your 17, uncouth when you're 35, bad form

when you're 54, but then funny again when you're 98. 

Ooopsie!!!

When I was a kid, I was made ''fun'' of for years by

others at school. 

I remember one thing in particular.

For some reason, it was cool to have a large

birthmark. During an inspection by the school nurse

we were stripped down to our underwear. The nurse would then

mark down who had what marks or freckles.

I had none. Nada, zilch, nothing.

So the ''new song'' the bullies chanted was:

''You're not even born, coz you have no mark of birth.''

Funny? Not so much.

Which is why I love much of Charlie Chaplin's

 work. Funny, without being sarcastic or demeaning.

Always infusing his comedy with intelligence,

reflection, and a meaningful message.

If in order to be funny a person feels he/she needs to

''lace'' his/her humor with sarcasm, shame, or criticism,

perhaps he/she may benefit from watching a few

Charlie Chaplin movies.........

and learn a trick or two from the Master.

''Research has shown that laughing for 2 minutes is just

as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in

the park laughing at all the joggers.'' (coolfunnyquotes)

about painting: large canvas, acrylic....