Suppressing my feelings? Never! Now...,where's that bartender?

There you are, having a quiet drink, just chillin'.

Suddenly the person that once really hurt you walks by.

In a flash, as if erupting from deep within the darkest recesses of your

mind, a multitude of emotions overcome you.

Here you were, thinking that all the pain and hurt was long gone,

only to realize that seeing that person triggered all your old pain

and brought it to the surface. 

A suppressed memory now becomes an exposed memory,

 and along with it, so do all the emotions connected with that memory.

At this point, most of us will probably look for a solution to 

help us suppress that memory once again.

Some of us may turn to alcohol and or drugs, some of us may

turn to excessive exercising, some of us may try to ''eat'' our pain away,

some of us may try to work our pain away, some of us may try to

gamble our pain away, etc.etc.

The goal methinks, although the methods vary, is to make the suppressed

stuff stay suppressed....

Unfortunately however, as a long term fix, it doesn't work.

Numerous studies have shown that trying to regulate our emotions by

either ignoring or suppressing them can have dire side-effects.

(People who are prone to road-rage, who are they really raging against?)

Example: Person X is having a bad day at work. X ignores his/her feelings

and puts on a ''happy'' face. Waiting in line to pay for his/her lunch sandwich,

someone butts in. X feels disrespected. X goes to make a cup of coffee

for afternoon tea, there is no milk left. X feels annoyed and disappointed.

Just before knock-off, the boss hands X more paper work 

to do before leaving. X feels under valued.

As X stops at a traffic light on the way home, suddenly someone

bumps into his/her car from behind. X feels as if the world is against him/her.

All the feelings X has allocated to the ''suppressed stuff part''

 of his/her mind now.....erupts? What do you think?

The side-effects we may experience from suppressing our emotions

 doesn't only affect our mental well-being,

but also our physical well-being. We can experience queasiness,

stomach pain, head-ache, dizziness, fatigue, to just to mention a few.

(Of that our minds try to ignore, the body keeps a score.)

So, here is what ''those  in the know'' say: ''Emotions are not under

our conscious control. Our emotions are triggered in the middle section of 

our brain, and that section is not under our conscious control.''

If we continuously keep suppressing or ignoring our ''negative'' 

emotions we may end up experiencing ''unexplained'' bouts of 

sadness, anger, restlessness, low self-esteem, and mood swings.

Not acknowledging our emotions when we experience them, 

we may transfer old unexpressed emotions onto new experiences

and respond disproportionately. 

(We may respond with anger instead of sadness because

anger may seem easier to express.)

If we learn how to acknowledge and deal with our emotions constructively, 

honestly, and at the time when we are experiencing them,

the need for suppression will in my view become superfluous.

Expressing our emotions can be difficult sometimes,

knowing what they are, can be difficult sometimes,

but like it is with everything that's difficult;

the more we work at it, the easier it becomes.

''Although we may prefer to not have to deal with hardship, 

sorrow and or pain, I believe that there is a good aspect

hidden in such experiences: Within those experiences

lie the potential for our hearts to be tenderized.''

(Citizen Z)

''Can I have a prescription for a happy life please, Doc?''

''There is more than one way to live a life,'' he said.

I agreed.

                           Is there a ''prescription'' for life that guarantees a ''happy'' life?

                           Is there a prescription that guarantees a pain free life?

                           Is there a prescription that guarantees a life free from hardship?

                           Is there a prescription that guarantees a life of fulfillment?

                           Is there a prescription that guarantees a life free from bouts

                            of loneliness, sadness, regrets, guilt, and a bunch of ''if only's''?

                                 

Sadly, no such thing exists.

But then again, what kind of life would life be

if it was free of anything that is difficult, complicated,

sad or hard to deal with?

Wonderful, you may suggest, but, would it really be wonderful?

We may prefer ''positive'' experiences over ''negative'' ones,

but is it perhaps possible that within our negative experiences lies

the potential for something positive to come from it?

Sometimes the way we learn how much something really means to

us is when it is taken away from us.

After a few sleepless nights with a tooth ache/head ache etc. we 

learn to truly appreciate the absence of pain and the satisfaction of a

good night's sleep.

After losing a good friend due to an argument, we may learn that

it's preferable to lose an argument than a friend.

After losing our temperament and saying something hurtful to

our spouse, partner, child, parent, etc. we may learn that

it's preferable to swallow our pride than to hurt someone we love.

Since it isn't possible for us to go to a doctor and get a ''prescription''

for a happy life, it is incumbent on each of us to find our own

prescriptions.

The possibilities are numerous, but commonly those of a life

affirming (positive/healthy/uplifting) kind tend to have 

the most positive long-term results in my view..

For some the prescription for a happy life,

is a path void of hardships and free of strife.

For others such as dreamers, leaders and believers,

the path they want to follow, ... imaginary rivers.

Helen Keller: ''A happy life does not consist in the absence, but in

the mastery of hardships.''

''In life there will be obstacles.

Wisdom, insight and maturity are the gifts

that come with them.''

(Citizen Z)

Music. What is it?.....

Music. 

What is it?

According to recent research, music activates parts in

our brains that relates to memory, emotion and movement.

And it does so in all those parts all at once. 

Even a person lost in the ''fog'' of

dementia can be be temporarily released from that

fog with the assistance of listening to music that once

meant something to that person.

Okay, but what is music?

Some say that music is a combination of sounds, and sound is

basically vibration/s. Some say that music is the combination

of melody, harmony and rhythm.

Some say that it is sonic vibratory frequencies.

Watching a documentary on the way music and 

memory is linked I was astonished by how

people with severe dementia could be ''awakened''

with the help of music.

 Ongoing research is demonstrating that whatever we

deem as ''music'', is something that seem able to enter

into our consciousness and memory banks through a ''side-door''.

How? What side-door?

With the help of iPod's and headphones, each iPod 

programmed with playlists 

to suit each person's personal preferences, 

dormant minds seem to be able to be accessed (momentarily)

 through listening to music that

means something to each individual.

(Look up Music & Memory for more information.)

For me what perhaps fascinates me the most,

is how we decide what music we like and what we don't.

What kind of music touches us, what music we connect with,

what music we deem as ''good'' and what we deem as ''bad''.

When I worked as a music teacher, I often asked my

students what kind of music they liked. 

If I asked them why they liked it, the most common 

answer was ''I don't know, I just like it''.

If pressed further, they would often say that they

liked it because they could feel it.

That's the thing with music, it often evokes an emotional 

response of some kind, hence we have music to accompany

a multitude of different events in our lives.

Weddings, funerals, sports events, dances, parties, dates,

ceremonies, etc.etc.etc.

For many of us, ''soundtracks'' are attached to many of our memories.

''That's the music/song that was playing when.............''

Studies into the connection between music and memory

are suggesting:

Learning a new language can be easier if phrases and words
are sung rather than just spoken.

For people who have suffered traumatic brain injuries (TBIs),

music can assist in bringing back autobiographical memories.

A recent brain imaging study shows that music activates

the auditory, motor, and limbic (emotional) areas of the brain,
basically, it activates a large area of the brain.
In short, music is good (food?) for the brain.....actually,
music can help us to relax, comfort us, energize us,
improve our mood, lower our stress level, help us sleep better,
 help us cope with pain, not to mention make dancing a whole
lot easier, etc.etc.

''Music is a moral law.
It gives soul to a universe,
wings to the mind,
flight to the imagination,
charm and gaiety to life and everything.''
(Plato)

Poppies for the fallen........

We drove for hours.

All of us crammed into a car without air-conditioning. 

Windows all wound down but offering us little relief.

My t-shirt was sticking to my body as if I had showered with it on.

I looked forward to arriving at the gig which I was pretty

sure was air-conditioned.

Not that I was looking forward to doing the gig, the gig

was one of those ''it pays the bill's'' gigs, but having traveled for hours,

 I was really hankering after an ice cold, tall, glass of fresh water.

The heat was so stifling that all of us had run out of the

energy to carry on a conversation.

We drove in silence, all of us grinning and baring it.

Mostly, the landscape that we drove through seemed to

be bush, more bush, some sugar cane and a whole lot of gum trees.

Occasionally we would pass a lonely and worn out petrol

station, stop and stock up on petrol and cold drinks, then

hit the road again.

Finally, we spotted our turn-off.

We turned on to the gravel road and in the distance we could

see the RSL (Returned and Service League of Australia/soldiers) club,

the venue where we were going to play.

We parked, unloaded our music equipment, and headed for the bar.

As I was standing at the bar downing one glass of ice-cold water 

after the other, an old man dressed in a khaki coloured uniform

came up to me and asked me if I wanted to buy a poppy badge.

'Sure', I said and handed him some money. 

As I pinned the poppy badge to my t-shirt, I asked him 

what the poppy signified. 

'The poppy is a symbol for soldiers fallen in war' he answered.

I have never experienced war, nor have I ever served as a soldier,

but as I looked into the eyes of the old soldier I felt

compelled to say 'Thank you for your service'.

Stage set and ready, we began to play to an audience full

of men and women in uniform. Some old, some young, some in wheel chairs,

some with missing limbs, and some with a far-away look in their eyes.

Suddenly, in the middle of our first set, everyone stopped what

they were doing. Bewildered I tapped the bass player on the

shoulder and asked what was going on.

'Sssh, it's the 11th month, 11th day, 11th hour....one minutes silence

for our fallen soldiers. Remembrance day, mate'.

I really have no words to describe the atmosphere that descended

on that venue at that moment, but it was palpable and unforgettable.

All heads bowed, all eyes closed, all still, and all somewhere else.

Somewhere else only accessible for each individual's personal memory.

Once the minute was up, everything went back to 'normal'.

We carried on with our 'show', people kept on laughing, drinking, 

joking, telling stories, ..... living.

''War is the greatest plague that can afflict humanity,

it destroys religion, it destroys states, it destroys families.

Any scourge is preferable to it''. (Martin Luther)

''War is the greatest harm that humans can inflict on humanity.

It destroys hope, it destroys faith, it destroys minds.

It destroys families, it destroys nature, it destroys animals,

it destroys whatever is alive.''

 (Citizen Z)

''War cannot be humanized. It can only be abolished.''

(Albert Einstein)

about the painting: Title: ''Poppies''

oil pastel on board

Your body talks too.......

My favourite model that I use, is a very small teddy.

Standing at 10 cm, he has been the inspiration for many 

of my ink and pen works.

While drawing my first Teddy, I quickly realized how easy it was to

convey different emotional states by just moving his head 

and body parts about. 

(An excellent asset for a model methinks.)

Although this model was small enough to fit into the palm of my hand,

as a conveyor of emotions, he was a ''giant''.

When I was first introduced to the term ''body language''

I have to admit that I was quite skeptical about it, and

although I did not give it much credence, a seed was sown.

So, what is it?  

Body language is a type of non-verbal communication such as

facial expression, body posture, use of space, and eye movement

that expresses our intentions, attitudes and feelings.

Sometimes expressed consciously and sometimes unconsciously.

Sometimes we may just have a ''gut feeling'', as in 

 ''I don't know why, but I just don't believe what he/she said.''

If someone says to you ''Trust me'' but won't look you in the eyes,

 chances are that you will not trust that person.

Simply put, when the words and the body language do not ''say''

 the same thing, we need to proceed with caution.

Open body language -> eye to eye contact, uncrossed arms and legs.

Closed body language -> no eye contact, crossed arms and legs.

For most of us, our body language is involuntary as are

 our facial micro expressions, gesticulation(gesturing) 

on the other hand, is not.

What we feel and what we are thinking

 we carry in our bodies as well as in our minds,

 but minds can't be seen, our bodies can.

If it is important to us how we come across to others, then

understanding body language can be a very helpful ''tool''.

By understanding and being aware of what kind of message/signal 

we are sending with our body language along with our words,

misunderstandings are less likely to occur and vice versa.

(Though the numbers vary, only around 10% of our communication

with others is based on words, the rest is non-verbal.)

In 1982 the first ''smiley/emoticon'' showed up and 

though I do not know this to be true, I think that as we

base our lives more and more on and through text 

communications and therefore miss out on

the non-verbals, the emojis/emoticons have come to

be our sort of ''body-language-replacements''.

(They are fun too at times, methinks.)

''Body language is a powerful tool. We had body language

before we had speech, and apparently, 80% of what you

understand in a conversation is read through the body

not the words.''

(Deborah Bull)

Buffalo Woman

Buffalo Woman

They called her ''Buffalo woman'', 

a name she was proud to wear.

Her head held high, her body strong,

to the spirit world her being belonged.

Right from the start the whole tribe knew,

this child was different, like snow and dew.

Her breath was sweet, her eyes were bright,

she seemed to carry within her,

an inextinguishable kind of light.

Even as a child, she always knew,

when the buffalo was near and the hunt was due.

The elders, the wise, the warriors, the guides,

slowly but surely learnt to trust this child.

For each buffalo who gave up its life;
 grand old beasts that nourished the tribe,
the buffalo girl offered words of kindness,
words of courage, words of thankfulness.

The years went by in much the same way,
they hunted, they gathered, the children played.
They danced, they smoked, they beat their drums,
until that day,  when they first heard guns.

Vision after vision of hard times ahead,
haunted the wise and filled them with dread.
When the Buffalo woman began to weep
a council was called, for all to meet.

When asked why she was weeping
she said ''I am deeply grieving.
A change is coming and with it much pain,
life as we know it will no longer remain.

Our friend the buffalo will be mercilessly hunted,
in numbers so large, they can not be counted.
They will be skinned and their bodies left to rot,
by ruthless hunters who doesn't care a lot''.
(Citizen Z)

Not only did ruthless hunters mercilessly kill
buffalo, but history tells us that they also killed
numerous native peoples.
Come to think of it, not only hunters have killed
people mercilessly, people have killed people
since year dot ''in the name of............''
Seems us human beings have a big problem with
being able to embrace cultures and peoples different to us.
Technologically we have progressed, but emotionally?
In my view, not so much.
We can do better.

''A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited
in time and space. He/she experiences himself, his thoughts and
feelings as separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion
of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us,
restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.
Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening
our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the
whole of nature in its beauty.''
(Albert Einstein)

Sarcasm, is it hostility dressed up in a clown suit?

Sometimes, a ''one-liner'' seem to be able to communicate a 

a message, a deeper meaning, insight, wisdom, etc. that sets in

motion a lot of further thinking.

Often, due to the economy and specificity of words, a well-crafted

one-liner can cut through a lot of ''barriers'' and hit us straight in the

heart.

Sometimes in a good way, and sometimes in a hurtful way.

Sarcasm in my view, can at times be very hurtful one-liners,

(some say it is the lowest form of wit/humor) although

they may at times be both witty and even quite funny.

English is not my first language, Swedish is, so I will freely

admit that it has taken me some time to come to grips with

sarcasm.

In the beginning I found it hard to laugh when folks made

sarcastic remarks (one-liners) about for instance my ''accent'',

but as the years have gone by and my English has improved,

 I have learnt to not take quips about my accent too seriously.

In my experience, a well-crafted one-liner of the ''benign'' kind,

as for instance: ''be the change you want to see in the world'',

or ''it's in the stillness the greatest thoughts are born'', or 

''do unto others as you would have them do unto you'' can

assist us to gain a greater understanding of what it is to be a human.

Sarcastic comments/one-liners on the other hand,

 seldom lifts us up or boosts our self-esteem and or self-confidence. 

Some say that sarcasm is hostility disguised as humor, and considering 

that the word sarcasm comes from the Greek word ''sarkazein'',

which means ''to tear or strip the flesh off'', it is not really

surprising that being at the brunt of sarcastic comments hurts.

Benign one-liners on the other hand, rather than tear us down, 

often has the ability to lift us up, to offer us insight, and

to comfort us.

''If at first you don't succeed, try, and try again", or ''Never, never, never, 

give up'', or ''Pain is temporary but love is forever'',  or ''You

are not alone, I am here with you.''

As a professional musician, there were times when the gigs

dried up.  In order to look after my son and keep food on

the table, I worked on and off in different

warehouses. For some reason, the fact that I was a musician

seemed to arouse hostilities and unfriendliness in many of

my co-workers. Sarcasm and belittling was a daily occurrence.

I do not believe in responding in kind, so whenever they bullied me,

I would walk away. I never retaliated, I just worked harder.

Until. Until they fiddled with my steering wheel and I almost

ran off the road on the way home from work.

I decided I had to say something, but I did not want to stoop

to their level. 

The next morning I walked up to the warehouse manager, 

(aka the man behind most of the harassment) 

stood eyeball to eyeball with him and then said:

''Never mistake kindness for weakness.

I am choosing not to treat you the way you treat me. ''

I held his gaze for a full minute and then walked away.

After that, I was left alone.

You see, I rather be a candle, than curse the darkness.

With that I mean: Darkness=scary stuff, light=good stuff.

Lighting a match in utter darkness one night when

the power had been cut, I realized that no matter how dark

 the darkness was, even a single lit match

was ''stronger'' than the darkness.

For some of us sarcasm may come easier than words of encouragement.

Here's the bad about that: Sarcasm often pushes people away, whereas

kind words and encouragement often draws people closer.