If we could view humans through they eyes of an animal, what would we see?

When I was in my last years of high school, I was a member of a "Cinematheque", a film club, and had developed quite a serious "cinema" addiction. I would skip school, take the train in to Stockholm, and spend days upon days watching movie after movie at the Cinematheque (in Swedish known as "Filmhuset"). The Cinematheque was basically a "film-school" for people studying different aspects of movie making with the goal of eventually finding work in the movie industry, which meant that there were many different movies showing constantly. (I would often view at least three or four movies in a day.)  Of all the movies I viewed there, one of them made such an impact on me that I have never forgotten it. Since the title was in Russian, (please forgive me for not remembering it)

and it was a Russian made film with subtitles, what I can tell you, is what the movie was about.

Shot as through the eyes of a horse, it told the story of that horse's experience of its life.

From being born until its death, I, the viewer, was that horse.

When the horse was whipped, I felt the pain of every lashing, when the horse was pulling impossibly heavy loads that strained the horse's muscles to breaking point, I felt the pain and the exhaustion, when the horse was ridden by men digging their hard boots into the horse's body, I felt the pain and the humiliation, when the horse was hungry and thirsty and given no rest, I felt the horse's ache and fatigue, when the horse was pulling a cannon through one battle field after the other, I felt the horse's fear and confusion, and when it was injured by rifle fire, I felt the searing pain as the bullets ripped through its body.

As the horse fell to the ground, confused, scared and "screaming" with pain, it was "me" laying on the ground screaming, panicked and fighting to stay alive.

Through the eyes of the horse as it lay there on the ground, I saw the "two-leggeds" running around shouting, firing guns, and pushing their bayonets through the flesh of other horses and other two-leggeds.

Then black. 

I felt numb, I felt angry, I felt sad, I felt ashamed to be a human being.

I couldn't move, I just sat there.

Suddenly. The screen lit up. Brilliant white.

Slowly things came in to focus.

"Up, up", a two-legged urged the horse.

Final scene: 

A panoramic view of a horse slowly and carefully walking toward an open field to join the other horses already there, grazing.

(I have searched for that movie for many years, but unfortunately I have not been able to find it.)

"We are far more likely to be harmed by our fellow man than our fellow animals, yet we call animals wild and dangerous and we call man advanced and civilized."

(Anthony Douglas Williams)

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated."

(Gandhi)

"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the "Universe", a part limited in time and space.

He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.

Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." (A. Einstein)

Have you ever watched a horse running free and unfettered by humans demands and expectations?

I find it to be a joyous and wonderful experience.

On the impermanence of life...do what you need to do...Now

Two days ago my son and I lost a dear friend. It wasn't unexpected, our friend had been fighting the good fight for many hard years....yet....it still hurts.

As much as we may try to prepare ourselves for loss; people, jobs, pets, children, etc. etc., I still can't help but wonder if it is at all possible, or if it is even a good idea, to try to prepare ourselves for the potential loss of someone or something that is important, dear, to us.

When we buy fresh flowers, we do so even though we know that eventually the flowers will whither and die. Why? Because while they are still alive they bring us joy. Why bother with listening to music? Eventually the music will end. Because while listening to the music it brings us joy. Why spending hours cooking a delicious meal? It only ends up in the stomach regardless. Because while eating it, it brings us joy. Why bothering with investing time and effort into doing things that has no monetary reward attached to the efforts? Because while investing time and effort into doing things we enjoy, we experience a sense of joy.

A painting, such as the above, is often called a "still life" painting, and my guess is that most "still life" paintings are paintings of inanimate objects. I personally really love the term "still life" because for many of us life often includes moments when life is the very opposite: turbulent, violent, chaotic, fractious, complicated, stormy, noisy, and very animated.

When we go through such times it can be difficult to find even the smallest measure of inner stillness from which we can draw strength and a spirit of resolve to weather the difficulties we are faced with.

It seems to be the case, that at times before we have even had the time to process one turbulent and emotionally draining event, here comes the next one...... We fumble, we stumble, we search for words to soothe and explain, we seek advice, we seek reasonable answers, we long for a safe harbor into which we can withdraw (if even just for a few minutes) in order to be able to find some stillness and calm. 

Being alive it seems, is risky business fraught with hurdles, obstacles, hoops to jump through, mountains to climb, stormy seas to conquer, deserts to endure, and "monsters" of many a kind to do battle with. And yet, considering the ability of a single blade of grass to be able to grow through a thick layer of asphalt, I can't help but be amazed at the strength of the life force in that blade of grass. 

Or the life force in a crack baby who is born an addict yet manages to cling to life and overcome terrifying withdrawals and other life threatening side effects, or the life force in plants of many different kinds managing to grow and flourish in impossible places, or the life force driving tiny little turtles to valiantly struggle their way to the ocean in spite of a number of predators just waiting to devour them.

When we lose someone or something that is of great importance to us, this often has a tendency to make us think, evaluate, and take stock of what we consider to matter the most to us in life.

Suddenly the impermanence and transitory nature/aspect of life/living becomes very real.

We are reminded that we too one day will become "stardust", as my son puts it.

This reminder of the impermanence of life, although difficult to come to grips with for some of us and often quite painful, can actually also be quite helpful.

"Don't put off until tomorrow those things you know you need to do today."

If you need to find some inner stillness, go find some...now

If you need a safe harbor, go find one.......now

If you need to say sorry to someone, do it....now

If you need to tell someone you care about them, do it.....now

If you need to forgive someone, do it....now

If you need to spend more time with someone, make a date.....now

If you have something to say to someone, do it....now

The NOW is all that we have.

"Nothing in the world is permanent, and we are foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we're still more foolish not to delight in it while we have it."

(W. Somerset Maugham)

Letting go of regrets.........

A man stands at the waters edge watching the waves roll in as the sun is slowly setting.

His heart is heavy, his demeanor solemn, and his body language oozing defeat.

Although he is surrounded by beauty; a scintillating clear blue ocean, palm trees gently dancing in rhythm with the wind, and the air filled with the sound of birds singing, ......he however remains un-affected and un-connected regardless of how hard nature tries to entice him into a dialogue.

And he remains so because regrets have ceased his heart, mind, and soul to such an extent that he has become oblivious to life and living as it unfolds in the present.

Regrets. Many of us have them. 

Psychology tells us that "regret is a negative cognitive/emotional state that involves blaming ourselves  (and here I would like to add my own bit:) and or others for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss and sorrow over what might have been or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made."

The thing is however, we can't undo choices we made in the past no matter how much we ruminate,

because whether we like it or not, self-blame and or other-blame, and wishful thinking, cannot change one single thing in our past. (I would hazard a guess that although we may know this to be true, most of us probably still go through times when we "sink" into bouts of regret.)

When we speculate about how things could have been "if we had only.....",  more often than not we forget to take into account that even if we had acted/behaved differently, there is no way of knowing for sure that the outcome would have been "better", only that it would have been different.

During my last year of music studies, I was offered a number of wonderful and potentially amazing opportunities to further my career in music, but I turned them all down because all I wanted to do was to become a jazz pianist/composer. My friends told me that I was crazy to turn down such opportunities and although I at times have speculated as to what I may have "missed out on", I have never regretted my decision to pursue (and eventually fulfilling) my dream of becoming a jazz musician/composer.

Regrets belong to the past, but life, happens in the now, and it is in the now that we have the opportunity to make choices that have outcomes that are congruous with our core values.

Hot temper, a short fuse, jealousy, frustration, anger and other intense emotions can at times affect our behaviour in such ways that we may find ourselves acting and or behaving without thinking or considering the outcomes of our actions, and only when the "storm" has blown over are we able to see the "fall-out". We are then faced with either taking ownership and responsibility for our behaviour, or not....some of us may prefer to engage in the "blame game" = blaming others for our behaviour. "He/she/they made me so angry, frustrated, jealous, etc.etc. and that's why I behaved the way I did."

Or, we pretend that nothing happened....and push our feelings into our bag of "deal with later issues".

The thing with "later" however, is that sometimes "later" may be too late.

If we said or did something in the heat of a moment that we later feel bad about, we can chose to apologize and ask for forgiveness, because doing so often tend to ease feelings of guilt and regret.

When my son was born I decided that I would always apologize if I lost my temper with him, or if I judged his actions without first letting him explain, or if I was not paying proper attention to his needs. You guessed it, I have had to apologize many, many, times.......but you know what.....and this is fantastic.....my son does the same. 

The longer we put off apologizing when we say or do hurtful things, the harder it seems to become to

do it, so in my view, apologizing as soon as we know that we have hurt someone, intentionally or not, the less will be the regrets that we carry inside of us.

Sometimes, on the other hand, the person we may need to forgive in order to get past a regret may be ourselves. Hindsight is 20/20 vision, so they say, and at times we make choices and decisions that as time passes may prove not to have been the "best" ones, but if we own the choices we have made or make, and learn from them (even-though they were not the best ones), then we have gained valuable insight for future choice and decision making. 

Regrets, like all emotions, have a function for survival, so say those in the know. Regret, is our brain telling us to take another look at the choices we make by reminding us of the potential negative and or undesired consequences that may follow. Whatever regrets we may have, it can be helpful to write them down and sort them by deciding which of them we can do something about to set right, and which ones we may not be able to affect any change to. 

If nothing can be done, try to let go, forgive yourself, embrace the lesson and move forward.

"We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future."

(Steve Maraboli)

Making sense is easy....or not.

Mark Rothko, is an American painter who is mostly known for his "colour field" paintings. Colour field paintings are usually painted on very large canvases as in 4x4 meters for instance, they are not figurative, as in they are not depicting a recognizable "something", and when Mark Rothko was asked: "What do you paint?" He answered: "I paint emotions".

Some of us may view a Mark Rothko painting and think "anybody could paint this, what's the big deal?" but for some of us, (this includes me) his paintings instantly connects with us on an emotional level, and for some of us, his paintings even manages to touch a part of us we may not even have a word for.

(The above painting is of course not a painting made by Mark Rothko. I decided to experiment with the possibility of making a colour field painting with inks and acrylics on water colour paper, and this is the the result of that experiment.)

For many of us, making sense of what we experience, is often important so that when we are faced with something such as a painting, a situation, a behaviour, etc. that seems to make no sense, instinctively our brains begin to seek for "reasonable" (in our view) explanations.

Brain: "what is this painting about? I don't get it, its just some paint on a canvas, there doesn't even seem to be any skill involved, is there even a meaning to it, and if so, how am I supposed to figure that out? Nah, this painting makes no sense."

"Divorce??What? She never said anything, why didn't she say something? This doesn't make any sense, it's not like her at all."

"Why am I always the one to pick up the pieces? There are others that are much better at this than me, I just can't make sense out of why I am always the chosen one."

I have a feeling that at some point in our lives most of us have asked: "Why is this happening to me, why me, what did I do to deserve this? It makes no sense."

In these enlightened and technologically whiz-bang days, in my view, we have grown accustomed to being able to find what we may consider reasonable explanations and answers to many complex and bewildering questions so when we are faced with: "sometimes things just don't make sense" this is an answer that can be very hard for us to digest.

When we say: "This makes no sense"... are we saying: "I don't understand this" or "this has no meaning"?

Or when we are saying "this makes no sense" are we perhaps saying "I don't understand this therefore it makes no sense to me and so I see no meaning in it?"

What we consider to "make sense" in my view has a lot to do with our personal experiences and how we interpret those experiences, our cultural backgrounds, our belief systems, and our upbringing.

"I always check that all my doors and windows are locked before I go to bed because once when I forgot to do so, someone broke in and stole some of my things, so for me, it makes sense to always check that everything is locked up at night." "I was involved in a whirlwind romance once which ended just as quickly as it began, so it makes sense for me to not rush into relationships because that way I can  avoid unnecessary heart ache." "I am not interested in art so therefore it makes no sense for me to go to concerts or galleries."

For someone who loves the outdoors, sitting inside and reading a book on a bright sunny day probably makes little/no sense. For someone who loves socializing, staying at home and spending "alone-time" probably makes little/no sense. For someone who prefers to keep their cards close to their chest, sharing their inner thoughts and feelings with someone probably makes little/no sense.

And vice versa.

What we consider to "make sense" it seems to me, is more often than not, coloured by subjectivity and the depth of our understanding of the world we live in and its inhabitants.

By expanding our understanding, we gain insight, and by gaining insight what we may have previously have considered as making no sense, can begin to make sense.

Mark Rothko: "A painting is not a picture of an experience, but is the experience."

"The most interesting painting is one that expresses more of what one thinks then of what one sees."

"A picture lives by companionship, expanding and quickening in the eyes of the sensitive observer."

The importance of touch.......

Some of us are more relaxed about physical contact than others. For some of us a hug, a gentle tap on the shoulder, or a quick embrace comes easy and feels like a natural thing to do when we see someone who seem to be experiencing some form of distress. Some of us on the other hand, may have complicated and confusing emotions when it comes to expressing compassion and or care through physical contact.

In my experience, there are times in life when words just aren't enough when it comes to comforting someone in distress, no matter how sincere and heartfelt the words.

Sometimes we just need to be "touched". And when I say touched, I mean touched not in a manipulative or calculating way, but in a "I am here with you to help you through this" kind of way.

Don't tell me everything's gonna be okay,

 things will get better, tomorrow's another day.

Coz as true as those words may probably be

would you mind very much just holding me?

Don't tell me you know just what I feel,

or that broken hearts, they always heal.

Coz as true as those words may probably be

would you mind very much just holding me?

Don't tell me to forget bad days gone by,

though such advice is worth a try.

Coz as true as those words may probably be

would you mind very much just holding me?

Don't tell me my experience is not unique,

many hearts are broken every day every week.

Coz as true as those words may probably be

would you mind very much just holding me?

I know you mean well with what you say

you're trying to help me get thru the day.

As true as your words may probably be

would you mind very much just holding me?

(Citizen Z)

"Sometimes I think that a moment of touching may be the difference between utter despair and the ability to carry on."

(Eleanor Cameron)