About tolerance.......

 

There are many different ways to use the word "tolerance", so I will speak only about tolerance as pertaining to learning to handle increasing levels of frustrations. What sets you off? What frustrates you the most? So, why do you think these things frustrate you?

There is a term in psychology "locus of control" and we have an internal locus of control if we believe we control our own destinies; if we believe the control lies with "outer" forces, or authority figures such as Fate or 'God', its called external locus of control.

If we believe in external locus of control, (possible we may never have thought about it in these terms)we may find it at times to be extremely comforting yet at other occasions, frustrating with feelings of powerlessness. Feeling powerless(helpless) is often a common cause for feelings of frustration resulting in faltering tolerance levels. If we feel we have no power to change a difficult situation; that we can not affect any change for improvement, then we often experience a sense of "helplessness" and frustration. Example: "What's the point in voting, what difference is one vote gonna make?" "What's the point in telling Smith that his way of speaking with me is offensive,... he's the boss." "What's the point in ........, nobody takes any notice anyway."

If we believe that forces outside of ourselves affect our ability to achieve our goals, such as luck, fate, i.e. authorities beyond our control, we have no stake in changes being made. At the same time as it may offer less pressure(stress of being successfull) to achieve, it also requires less effort on our behalf. Should we attempt to put forward a "change" and get knocked back, we also have a possible scapegoat; our powerlessness.(You can't beat City Hall)

With Internal locus of control, people believe that they are primarily responsible for the outcomes in their lives. According to studies, people with internal locus of control are more achievement motivated, they believe that changes can be made with hard work, and that the power of control rests to a large extent with the individual.

Noteworthy here is that very few people are singularly internal or external.

What frustrates you the most? What about it is frustrating? How do you usually deal with it?

Some of us have low frustration tolerance and seemingly unimportant events, minor life inconveniences, can trigger a reaction from us. Some one cuts in in front of you, the light bulb in the bathroom blows, the cat drops a dead mouse at your feet, the corner shop has no milk left, someone pinches your parking spot, etc. etc. These kinds of occurrences are common stance and maybe it is in our best interest to restrain our negative reactions. "That's easy for you to say", someone may respond, "but, how do you do it?"

Maybe a starting point can be to imagine how it could have been worse. The cat could have dragged in a live snake. Although the bulb is blown, you can still use the toilet, worse if the toilet was blocked and you had to get a plumber in. There is also the "exposure" (another psychological term) method, where you expose your self to bite size "frustrations" and bit by bit find a way of increasing your tolerance levels. When you are in these different situations, perhaps you can ask yourself why you are so frustrated to begin with, do the feelings of frustration, anger, irritation, etc. stem from a feeling of helplessness?

Sometimes reframing a situation can make a big difference to how we respond, such as viewing the experience from a different perspective, shifting the focus. I recently had to have some major dental work done and discovered that I was able to increase my tolerance for the treatment by counting backwards from 500. Shifting focus allowed me to be more tolerant of the pain and uncomfortability of having many sharp implements in my mouth. Sometimes just plain accepting the situation/event for what it is rather than struggling against it can increase our tolerance, other times maybe shifting focus will assist, and if the event is painful but unavoidable perhaps focus on breathing only.

Some difficult experiences can only be got through one minute at the time, and each successful passing minute offers the opportunity to increase ones tolerance levels.

Finding ways of increasing our tolerance levels may help us to increase our level of patience, and with more patience more acceptance, with more acceptance more contentment and enjoyment, with more contentment and enjoyment, more happiness.

 

"When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, 'Oh yes - I already have everything that I really need.'" (Dalai Lama)

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity."  (Melody Beattie)

 

"Acceptance of ones life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes........" (Paul Tournier)