Compliments, are they necessary?

A friend parades before you in his/her new pants and asks: "Does my bum look big in these pants?"

A sibling pulls up in your driveway in his/her new car and excitedly asks: "What do you think, do you like my new car?"

A workmate pulls you aside and whispers: "Don't tell anybody, but I just got promoted!"

Your small child holds up his/her latest art work and says: "Daddy/mummy, look what I did in school today, isn't it good?"

Your partner comes home from work and proudly announces that he/she has been given a pay rise and exclaims: "Now we afford to buy that......."

What is your first intuitive response?

"It depends", you may answer, or "I always get excited with the other", or "Well, it doesn't really affect me, that's their thing", or "Sometimes I may feel inclined to correct if the others excitement is exaggerated", and so on.

Is it easier to find faults and flaws than to compliment? Sometimes I work in a retail outlet and speaking with customers I have noticed how many of them are quick to put themselves down, to find  the perceived "wrongs" but slow to identify the "rights".

Do we find it easier to find faults in others and ourselves, rather than strengths? Is it easier to to pull someone or ourselves down rather than to be positive?

"Don't tell someone how good they are too often, it will only lead to heartbreak later".

"Tell a child how proud you are of them too often and they will not cope in the real world later".

Is this really the case?

Are we trying to "protect" others and ourselves from possible pain in the future when or if we withhold positive statements?

Does giving someone a compliment somehow "cost" us something?

"You did a great job" but under our breath we may mutter "so would I under your circumstances".

"That's a great car, lucky you" we say while silently thinking " if I had the money that could have been my car". "You've lost weight, you look fantastic!", we may say while quietly thinking "I could too, it's just my metabolism doesn't function properly".

A true compliment, to my way of thinking, is detached from expectations of any reciprocal gestures, sincere and other-focused. The reason for giving the compliment motivated by other focus and other appreciation. Giving someone a compliment on something they did or are doing indicates that they have been seen, noticed, and appreciated.

Many of us are aware of our own inadequacies, if asked what our flaws are we could probably rattle them off quick smart, but if asked what our strengths are, many of us may start to um and ar. Often we are quick to put ourselves down, to focus on our perceived faults and forget or ignore our strengths, many of us possibly confused about the difference between pride and appreciation. "Pride comes before fall" a saying that seem to be deeply entrenched in western culture, minces no words. Think too highly of yourself, and there' disaster awaiting you, but what if there's no "pride"?

Could that not also be disastrous?

What is pride then?  According to Wikipedia: An inwardly directed emotion with two meanings, a negative and positive.

Positive: A satisfied sense of attachment toward ones own or another's choices and actions, or toward a whole group of people. A product of praise, independent self-reflection, a fulfilled sense of belonging.

Negative: An inflated sense of ones personal status or accomplishments.

Now to appreciation: Recognition of the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things.

Although there may be a risk in boosting someones pride when we give them a compliment, is there not equally the risk that we may increase their sense of being appreciated? And being appreciated, is that not something we may all enjoy and desire?

Ralph Marston expresses it this way: "Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it."

Go on, be nice, give someone a compliment, tell them they are appreciated.