We are all born with hidden gifts.....the trick is to find it

''Eli discovers music hidden beneath the ivory keys''

Although perhaps we don't often ponder the many different ways

we use to communicate and interact with each other, .... as an artist,

I often find myself in awe of how innovative the human

species can be at finding ways to express itself.

For instance: using words > written/spoken/ or signed,

through touch, movement, images > moving or still,

sound > organized(music) and or un-organized,

visual > paintings, sculptures, installations, 

i-Thingy's > all things based on binary code, 

etc. etc. etc.

Words(written or spoken) are crucial when it comes to

 communication, but words, as definitive as they may seem,

 are more often than not mere approximations and highly

ambiguous in my view.

How so? you may ask.

Take the word ''red'' for instance: We may agree on

defining the word red as a word for a specific color

but how we interpret that ''red'' will vary from

person to person: crimson red, vermillion red,

cadmium red, post-office red, fire-engine red,

etc. etc..............

Having said all this, now let me ask you:

 How would you

 define/interpret the word ''special''?

Depending on circumstances, would you define

special as in: better than usual, extraordinary, top notch,

exceptional, etc. etc.?

Or: different from what's usual, a person with special needs,

or special as in difficult to be around because of a behaviour

pattern different from the norm, or ...... something else?

*

Perhaps ''special'' is a term used today mostly in a

 positive way(exceptional) but not so long ago,

being described by others as ''special'' as far as I

can remember, was not great.....

Today we have many more terms for people/kids

who used to be labeled ''special'':

Autism Spectrum disorder, anxiety disorder, conduct

disorder, ADHD, eating disorder, PTSD post-traumatic

stress disorder, and so on. But also: Special, as viewed

through a positive lens: Gifted, different, creative.

*

When I was a teenager I had a summer job teaching

music to ''special'' people in an institution that

housed hundreds of special people.

''Special'' then meant ''hard to understand, hard to handle,

hard to communicate with and hard to be with''.

But among my special students, there were also three

pupils (people) that I would

classify as very gifted although...... their language and

communication skills could do with a bit of an upgrade.

Though I was scared every day I went to work and

absolutely shattered every evening when I came home,

I did learn many invaluable and crucial life lessons

about the term ''special'' and how devastating the

 consequences of that term can be at times.

My time all through school was horrible.

I was labeled ''special''(peculiar) by my class mates

already in grade 1 and not until I started

gymnasium(secondary school) did the

term change meaning from different/peculiar into ''gifted,

different in a good way''.

Straight out of college I auditioned for a placement

at the Conservatorium of music. My audition went well

and I was accepted and as soon as I started my studies

I knew that I was finally among ''my peeps'',

that is, in the company of others also labeled ''special''.

*

''We define our worlds with the words we use''

someone once said.

Though I agree with those words, I would like to add some.

We also use art to express how we experience

the world we live in.

Art is not only stuff that we find in galleries, museums and

parks.

Art, in my view, is an outer expression of an inner

experience.

And whether we use words, music, marble, clay

or any other medium to express our inner experiences,

we are all special, top notch in our own particular way.

''I believe that every one of us are born with

at least one gift.

A gift that only bears fruit if constantly nourished 

and persistently cherished .''

(Citizen Z)

about the image: photo edited in Elements

title: ''Eli discovers music hidden beneath the ivory keys''

ps: about Eli's right hand finger....How on earth did he do that????

Hiding behind a shroud can be costly........

 ''We knit alone our life, before seeing by it our shroud.''

(Charles de Leusse)

According to those in the know, what we want and desire 

most of all in life is to be accepted and included

by others.

Others, as in friends, relatives, colleagues and people

we hold in high esteem.

In other words, we need to belong somewhere.

 Somewhere where we feel that we can

be ''ourselves'', somewhere where we feel connected 

and supported.

Somewhere where we can express our thoughts and

feelings freely without the fear of being rejected.

In short, a trusted relationship.

Relationships, in my view, are not static(stationary/unchangeable),

they are dynamic(flexible/changeable).

As they consist of human beings and human

beings are complex creatures who like a chameleon

shift and change depending on circumstance,

so do we.

Sometimes we might find ourselves at a crossroad

of having to choose whether to stay in a relationship

or not. Sometimes we may discover that we have 

changed and that who we now are no longer fit

in a relationship.

Sometimes we may feel that we need to hide certain

aspects of ourselves from others we have a relationship

with.

Sometimes we may feel that we may need to shroud

 our true nature in order to be accepted, loved and cared for

 by others important to us.

*

Quietly she opens the door.

Silence.

She removes her shoes gently 

and puts them on the floor.

A faint light from the kitchen

lights a path into the living room.

Carefully she takes a few steps

toward the light.

A sudden indistinct sound from

her daughters room makes her stop.

Clasping her handbag to her chest

she stands frozen in the middle of

the living room.

-I shouldn't have had that last drink,

she thinks to herself as she can feel 

herself swaying back and forth.

Assuring herself that nothing is

happening she tiptoes into the 

kitchen and puts her handbag on

the kitchen table.

Slowly she pulls out a chair and

sits down.

She opens her handbag and pulls

out her purse.

Empty.

Her heart skips a beat as she realizes

that she has lost all her money.

-Mummy?

Standing before her is her daughter

holding her teddy bear.

Quickly she pulls her ''the good

mummy shroud'' over her face

and pulls her daughter into her

arms.

-There, there Laura, lets get you

back in bed, she says hoping

that her daughter can't smell the

Casino, the booze and her

feelings of betrayal on her breath.

*

In our need for belonging, for acceptance and support it can

be tempting to resort to hide behind a ''shroud'' those aspects

 of ourselves we may view as un-desirable.

Maintaining a ''fake'' façade for a long time however

 can have serious consequences methinks.

For instance, at some point we may no longer be able 

to differentiate between our fake and authentic selves.

''There's no version of conformity that will

protect you from judgement---so you might

as well be judged for who you actually are.''

(Michell C. Clark)

about the image: acrylic on two large canvases

Title: ''Removing the shroud can make you feel naked''

Rather than gaslighting, honesty and kindness works better.............................

''Between stimulus and response there is a space.

In that space is our power to choose our response.

In our response lies our growth and our freedom.''

(Victor E. Frankl)

When I read those words for the first time I sensed

that within those words there existed an undeniably

profound ''truth'' and wisdom.

As in: Before we respond/react to something there is

a moment, a breathing space, that we can use to 

''press the pause button'' long enough so that we

may be able to contemplate not only how we will

respond but also the possible outcomes thereof. 

There are a number of hurdles however that must

be overcome in order for us to be able to recognize that

moment, that space, that allows us to choose how we 

will respond.

Some hurdles:

May I suggest that emotions, especially strong ones

such as fear, anger and frustration have a tendency to

make us blind and deaf to our inner voice of wisdom

telling us to think, before we act.

Kneejerk reactions (no thinking, just reacting), although they

at times may be very helpful, may at other times cause 

irrevocable damage.

Fatigue, pain, anxiety and stress, those in the know suggest

 often tend to greatly affect the way we respond

 to different stimuluses/situations.

And then there is gaslighting.

In conversation with a friend the other day I asked him

what ''gaslighting'' means because I have a sneaky

feeling that someone I have been considering a friend,

may be ''gaslighting'' me.

-Well, it's a kind of psychological manipulation

that someone does

that makes you feel as if you have done something

wrong, something that have hurt that person,

but instead of telling you what that is, he or she 

avoids you, in person and or on all i-thingy's, he answered.

As I pondered his words I realized that I have been

''gaslit'' many times.

My next thought was: why?

Why would someone choose to gaslight someone

instead of just telling the person they are

gaslighting how they feel?

According to those in the know, the most common

reasons are to avoid confrontation and accountability

for their own part in why a relationship they used to

view as amicable has ceased to be viewed that way.

Other reasons can be that the gaslighter has deep rooted 

insecurities, self-esteem and validation issues and uses

gaslighting as a coping mechanism.

Somehow, rather than communicating his or her concerns in person,

a gaslighter cuts all ties with the other which often leaves

 the other confused, voiceless and hurt.

Gaslighting in my view, is more hurtful and more

damaging than having a face to face confrontation

with someone, especially someone once viewed

as a friend.

It's one thing saying something hurtful in the heat 

of the moment, it's a very different thing to

vanquish and render obsolete another human

being once called friend.

However, 

''Between stimulus and response there is a space.

(no matter how long or short)

In that space is our power to choose our response.

(or un-choose and change)

In our response lies our growth and our freedom.''

Before you judge, press the pause button.

Before you act, press the pause button.

Before you react, press the pause button.

Before you pull away, press the pause button.

about the images: top: acrylic and pastel on canvas

bottom: graphite on paper