Mirror, mirror on the wall...are you lying or telling the truth an all?

With fear and trepidation,
he asks the silent mirror:
''Me, that's supposed to be me?''

The mirror remains silent,
much to his dismay,
so once again he asks:
''Can that possibly be me?''

''Surely I look much more distinguished,
less haggard and filled with anguish'',
but the mirror says nothing,
it's still not answering.

''Why do the eyes look so sad,
I am after all, a very happy lad.
Come on, you mirror on the wall,
you, who supposedly know it all!''

The mirror remains silent,
blank, and perfectly still.
What else can it do,
it doesn't speak at will.

''What I see, that's just not me,
it is not true, nor reality.
I am a man of quite some standing,
some even say, quite commanding!''

''So, speak up, you lying piece of glass,
I am a man, a man of class,
I demand an answer, and an answer right now,
the reflection I see, is it true somehow?''

Impatiently waiting for the mirror to reply
 he knows if it did, it would be a great surprise.
Mirrors don't speak nor have an opinion,
reflections belong to the imagination's dominion.

The reflection we see when we're looking in the mirror,
is often a mixture of both truth and error.
Some aspects of who we are, we alone can see,
yet there are others, visible to you, but not to me.

''Looking in the mirror is very strange; we only see what we
want to see, good or bad.''
(Bonnie Langford)

Radioactive words...who needs them?

He turned his back to his father. 

His father's hurtful words had once again managed to

silence him and he hated himself for it.

Somehow he just couldn't bring himself to respond

in kind, it just wasn't him.  Experience had taught him that 

some words can be radio-active; highly damaging and hard to get rid of

once spoken; and such pain he was not willing to inflict on anyone.

When someone says something to us that hurt our feelings

often our knee-jerk reaction is to want to say something hurtful back.

''Oh, yeah, and what about your........##%!!!''

(In my experience however, often responding in kind achieves little

although at first it may feel gratifying to make a smart-ass comment back.)

Probably a less common response is: "What you just said to me was hurtful, 

was that your intention, and if so, why?''

It seems to me that in today's society there is a perception that 

kindness is a sign of weakness, of emotional fragility, and that to

respond to aggressive behaviour with kindness is to be ''soft''.

I once asked a ''troll'' in a chat room why he/she would spend hours upon

hours in chat rooms just being aggressive, hostile, rude,

and downright mean, to which he/she responded: ''Because it's fun''.

''What's fun about saying hurtful things to people you don't even know?'' I asked.

''Don't be so soft, it's just words, besides, they should toughen

up and not be so sensitive. It's not my fault they are such losers'', 

he/she answered and then left the chat room.

(I can't help but wonder what's so tough about being mean to others

while hiding behind anonymity.........)

Thing about words though, is that they are seldom without ''charge''. (+ or -)

Have you ever had the experience of saying something to someone

which in your view is totally innocuous only for the person to

respond in a very unexpected way? Me too. Lots of times.

Words are charged with our own definitions and interpretations so

it's easy for misunderstandings to take place.

Ex: A: ''Do you want me to give you a hand?''

B: ''Why? You think I can't handle it on my own?''

A: ''Not at all, I just thought two hands could make the job go faster.''

Some words in my view are more than charged, they are radioactive.

With that I mean that they can be very damaging and hard to forget.

Words such as: Loser, pathetic, weak, dumb, useless, waste of space,

mental, stupid, retarded, ugly, etc.etc. to mention a few.

Not only are the words radioactive, commonly accompanying the words 

are the way in which they were said. (Loudly, irritably, angrily, etc.etc)

You're dumb!!! You're useless!!! You're a loser!!!

Walking home from the bus stop the other day, a man yelled out to

my son ''F-ing loser!!!'' a he passed my son in his car. 

Unfortunately, my son, who was mercilessly bullied for a 

number of years in school and still deals every day with the

radioactive fall-out those years caused him, 

took those words to heart. 

I had to remind him that the person yelling those words

does not know him from a ''bar of soap'', so he need not

take them to heart.

I also reminded him of how much

 easier it is to spew radioactive words in a speeding car

than face to face, as it is to do so in a text, in a chat room, in a letter, or

on one of the many different platforms on which one can remain anonymous.

I have noticed that in many TV-shows nowadays, it's getting harder and

harder to distinguish the hero's from the villains.

Often kindness is portrayed as weakness, callousness as toughness,

moral ambiguity as being shrewd, and sarcasm as quick-wittedness.

In today's world Superman would not make it methinks,

I fear he would be viewed as a ''sissy''.

But, being an optimist I still believe it's possible to be

kind and strong, kind and direct, kind and tough, kind

and quick-witted.

No radioactive words needed.

Why should I care?

Lisa Simpson looks at Homer and with a trembling and tearful voice asks:

 "Daddy, why don't you do something?"

Homer looks at Lisa, pats her lovingly on the head and then answers: 

"Because I just don't care.''

''I don't care'', three little words that in some circumstances

can really pack a punch.

''I'm leaving you!   >>  Go ahead, I don't care.''

''But I need you!   >>  I don't care if you do.'' 

''Shouldn't we do something to help?   >>  Why? 

Why should we care when they don't seem to care for themselves?''

On my way home from the Conservatorium of Music, running

down the steps to the Underground trains, I saw five guys

chasing a man. They caught him, pushed him to the ground

and then started to kick him. ''Fagot, you don't deserve to live!''

they shouted as they kept kicking him. 

Horrified I watched as the man tried to defend himself.

I decided to try and help him.

Only having a bag full of books for a ''weapon'', I started

to swing it furiously while walking towards them screaming

''Leave him alone!!''

They did. They walked away.

As I helped the injured man up from the ground

he looked at me and asked: ''Why do you care?''

''I care because you needed someone to do so'', I answered.

The man gathered his things, slung his bag over his shoulder 

and as the train pulled in, he stepped into the carriage and whispered

''thank you''.

Truth be told, I am not so sure that I actually know how

to not care.

In some situations when we say ''I don't care'' it may perhaps only mean

that we don't have an opinion on the matter so we are happy to let

someone else decide. (Ex: Do you want to sit here or over there?)

 Other times we may use the term because we

are not really invested in the issue at hand and feel that we don't

 have anything of value to contribute to it.

Sometimes perhaps, we just don't care. We don't care to invest any

of our thinking, of our emotions, of our actions, of our time, or of any kind 

of our involvement into something.

(We may perhaps have concluded that in order for us to care,

it/he/she/they, need to be ''deserving'' of our caring.)

''Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.''

Before we decide to care about someone or something,

have we become so affected that we subconsciously 

do a ''profit and loss'' calculation?

Do we need to know that there is a ''reward'' to be had

before we decide to care?

Are we at risk of having our other-regarding emotions

diminishing in favor of self-interested emotions?

It may seem easier to cope with life when we have no

stake in the well-being of others, of animals, the environment,

or our communities, but in my view, it comes with a cost.

That cost is that we may become callous and morally and

emotionally indifferent, and that makes it possible for

us humans to commit reprehensible acts.

Caring, is one of mankind's most precious attributes.

It is what makes us able to be compassionate, understanding, 

tolerant, kind, considerate and emphatic.

''Never believe that a few caring people

can't change the world.

For, indeed, that's all who ever have.''

(Margaret Mead)

''I feel that the capacity to care is the thing

that gives life its deepest significance.''

(Pablo Casals)

about the image, I made it with graphite on water color paper.

Suppressing my feelings? Never! Now...,where's that bartender?

There you are, having a quiet drink, just chillin'.

Suddenly the person that once really hurt you walks by.

In a flash, as if erupting from deep within the darkest recesses of your

mind, a multitude of emotions overcome you.

Here you were, thinking that all the pain and hurt was long gone,

only to realize that seeing that person triggered all your old pain

and brought it to the surface. 

A suppressed memory now becomes an exposed memory,

 and along with it, so do all the emotions connected with that memory.

At this point, most of us will probably look for a solution to 

help us suppress that memory once again.

Some of us may turn to alcohol and or drugs, some of us may

turn to excessive exercising, some of us may try to ''eat'' our pain away,

some of us may try to work our pain away, some of us may try to

gamble our pain away, etc.etc.

The goal methinks, although the methods vary, is to make the suppressed

stuff stay suppressed....

Unfortunately however, as a long term fix, it doesn't work.

Numerous studies have shown that trying to regulate our emotions by

either ignoring or suppressing them can have dire side-effects.

(People who are prone to road-rage, who are they really raging against?)

Example: Person X is having a bad day at work. X ignores his/her feelings

and puts on a ''happy'' face. Waiting in line to pay for his/her lunch sandwich,

someone butts in. X feels disrespected. X goes to make a cup of coffee

for afternoon tea, there is no milk left. X feels annoyed and disappointed.

Just before knock-off, the boss hands X more paper work 

to do before leaving. X feels under valued.

As X stops at a traffic light on the way home, suddenly someone

bumps into his/her car from behind. X feels as if the world is against him/her.

All the feelings X has allocated to the ''suppressed stuff part''

 of his/her mind now.....erupts? What do you think?

The side-effects we may experience from suppressing our emotions

 doesn't only affect our mental well-being,

but also our physical well-being. We can experience queasiness,

stomach pain, head-ache, dizziness, fatigue, to just to mention a few.

(Of that our minds try to ignore, the body keeps a score.)

So, here is what ''those  in the know'' say: ''Emotions are not under

our conscious control. Our emotions are triggered in the middle section of 

our brain, and that section is not under our conscious control.''

If we continuously keep suppressing or ignoring our ''negative'' 

emotions we may end up experiencing ''unexplained'' bouts of 

sadness, anger, restlessness, low self-esteem, and mood swings.

Not acknowledging our emotions when we experience them, 

we may transfer old unexpressed emotions onto new experiences

and respond disproportionately. 

(We may respond with anger instead of sadness because

anger may seem easier to express.)

If we learn how to acknowledge and deal with our emotions constructively, 

honestly, and at the time when we are experiencing them,

the need for suppression will in my view become superfluous.

Expressing our emotions can be difficult sometimes,

knowing what they are, can be difficult sometimes,

but like it is with everything that's difficult;

the more we work at it, the easier it becomes.

''Although we may prefer to not have to deal with hardship, 

sorrow and or pain, I believe that there is a good aspect

hidden in such experiences: Within those experiences

lie the potential for our hearts to be tenderized.''

(Citizen Z)