Listening is an action......

The facilitator sighed deeply.

''Counseling'', she said, ''is not about giving advice, it's about listening.

And when I say listening, I mean active listening.

Active listening is a communication technique that requires from

the listener to re-state and paraphrase in his/her own

words what he/she has heard, and by doing so

confirm with the speaker that they understand

each other.''

''Okay class, so what we are going to do now is to split you up

in to groups of four and practice active listening.''

Although we were in our third week of the Crisis counseling course,

we didn't really know each other.

Yet, somehow, groups of four were made.

We placed our chairs in a circle facing each other, we

smiled, we gave each other furtive looks,

 but not one of us spoke.

It seemed none of us wanted to go first.

Roger, one of the few men who attended the course,

finally broke the silence and began to tell us why

he was doing the course.

He told us that he was in the middle of divorce proceedings

and that his wife wanted to break up because she felt that

they never really communicated.

Before long, others in the group began to give him advice.

I remained silent and focused on just listening. 

Not because I didn't also have the urge to

offer some advice, but because the facilitator had told us

to not do so.

Suddenly Roger turned to me and said: ''You haven't said a word,

what do you think?''

Mindful of what the facilitator had told us, I said: ''So what

I have heard you say is that your wife feels that the

communication between you is not very good, is that right?

Yes, he answered.

"What I have also heard you say is that you feel that

when you do try to be open and honest with her, she shuts

you down, is that right?

Yes.

''Am I right in saying that I've heard you say that you offered to

go to couples counseling but that she feels that it's too late?

Yes.

''But you feel that it's not too late and that your marriage can 

still be saved, is that right?''

Yes.

And so it went. I paraphrased, he agreed when he felt that

he was understood correctly, and when he felt that he wasn't,

he re-phrased himself.

One by one, we all took turns speaking about issues that 

were important to us, and although at times

we would give in to the temptation of advice giving,

I think we all discovered the effectiveness of active listening.

At the end of the session, I wrote down some notes. 

If, or when, someone needs a listening ear,

instead of jumping in to ''solving'' mode try saying this:

I am here and I am listening.

I want to hear what you are saying so that I can sense what

you are feeling and thinking.

Can I share with you my perceptions of what you have 

told me to make sure that I'm on track?

Can we explore together your concerns and maybe

that can help in some way to bring clarity to your 

situation?

If I start to give you advice, please tell me to stop.

On the way to my car at the end of the day, Nicola,

another student, caught up with me.

''Do you buy into the ''no advice'' thing? Really, what's the point in

sharing one's troubles with someone if they are not going to

offer any advice on how to fix it? Seems pretty useless to me and

I don't agree with it.''

Before I could answer her she shouted ''See ya" and disappeared

around the corner.

All the way home I pondered what Nicola had said.

Was she right?

Why do so many of us feel the need to offer up solutions?

We may be perplexed by our own problems yet we are

often quick to offer solutions to other's problems.

Let's face it, telling others how to fix their problems

is often far easier than figuring out our own, besides,

it's a kind of ego-boost.

However, creating a space in our hearts and minds by listening,

listening deeply and supportedly, 

may be the most helpful thing we can do

when someone needs a hand.

''What's wrong with giving advice?

Advice is often a basic insult to the intelligence

of the other person.

It implies a lack of confidence in the capacity of the

person with the problem to understand

and cope with his or her own difficulties.''

(Robert Bolton)

about the image: biro on paper... ''open'' your ears and you hear better

ps. Nicola never came back to the course

Anxious? Meh, so is everyone....:)

This, well, for me anyway, is a visual representation

of what happens to our thinking when we are experiencing

a bout of anxiousness, a panic attack, or a ''flash-back''.

Our thinking becomes messy with rapid-fire thoughts

(or memories) and all but does away with our capacity

for ''rational and reasonable'' thinking.

Can you hear your heart pounding,

Or is just me?

Is it really hot in here and hard to breathe,

Or is it just me?

Can you feel an iron grip around your heart,

Or is it just me?

Is your tongue swollen and your mouth bone dry,

Or is it just me?

Do you feel as if your life is threatened and you may possibly die,

Or is it just me?

Do you sometimes feel as if you're losing your mind,

Or is it just me?

Do you try really hard, yet sleep evades you,

Or is it just me?

Do you keep your deepest fears hidden

Or is it just me?

''Life is a hypothesis and not a forgone conclusion'' in my view,

so there will be times in most of our lives when we will

experience anxiety, perhaps even panic attacks and or PTSD.

Although these experiences can be very challenging and scary,

they can also help ''tenderize'' our hearts.

Compassion and understanding comes easier when we have

personal experiences to draw strength from when or if

someone we care about is going through an anxious time.

Often our emotions are a response to our thoughts, 

so putting that ''thinking'' into practice

I have found it helpful to backtrack my thinking when

I feel anxious about something.

''What's been pre-occupying my mind lately/today? The thoughts

swirling about in my mind, are they conjecture and speculation

or true?''

 Throwing facts at worrying thoughts can be very helpful:

 ''Is this something I know for a fact, or am I spit-balling?''

(Although, this necessitates acknowledging and not denying

one's ''worries''.)

''You don't have to control your thoughts.

You just have to stop letting them control you.''

(Dan Millman)

''Being anxious, or having panic attacks or flash-backs does not indicate

a weakness of the mind, rather, it indicates a fertile mind in

which many possibilities are born.''

(Citizen Z)

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.”

Waiting is an opportunity, not a waste of time........

Before I started to paint, I used to do a lot of photography.

I loved my old Analogue SLR and together we shot

many, many photos. Alas, along comes digital cameras

and out went films and the need for labs. 

I bought myself a digital camera, but, I never warmed to it.

I started to paint instead.

Now, many years later, due to torn rotator cuffs and

bursitis in my neck and shoulders, I can no longer paint.

Alas, I have decided to go back to photography as it

does not hurt.

(The above image is a photo I shot in my kitchen an 

hour ago with my crappy, old, low pixel rate,

digital camera.)

Satisfying though it is to instantly be able to see the

image, I have to admit that I miss the waiting for

the ''reveal'' while waiting at the lab for photos

to be developed.

(Although, truth be told, I don't miss the cost involved

with having films processed.)

Waiting, come to think of it, is something many of 

us don't like very much.

Perhaps how we experience the passing of time may have

something to do with how we view waiting?

''Life is short, so I need to cram as much of it into every passing

moment as I can.''

This is of course where i-Thingy's come in handy.

Wherever/whenever we find ourselves having to wait, we can

always fill the time (make use of time) by ''surfing the net'',

listening to music, checking emails, catching up with friends,

etc.etc.

There is no doubt about how very handy it is

to be able to do those things, but lately, I have 

been wondering if it is not possible that we may

miss out on actual ''living experiences'' when we

forfeit it for ''virtual'' ones.

Waiting, for some of us, may feel like we are

''wasting'' our time, so we may feel a need to fill

 it with something we deem more useful.

But, often when we are waiting somewhere,

we are not doing so in a void. Usually, there

are others waiting as well.

At the doctors, in a queue, at the bus/train stop, at the airport,

etc.etc. 

These sorts of situations can be opportunities for

making new connections, for observing life

in the moment, for just ''being''.

According to those in the know, more and more of

us are feeling alienated and lonely.

And I can't help but wonder if our ''obsession'' and

preoccupation with i-Thingy's perhaps has something

to do with that.

If we replace face-to-face interaction with 

virtual interaction, there is some research that

suggest that rather than feeling closer to others,

we feel more isolated.

However, if we use social networking to promote

face-to-face conversations, then the outcome is often

that we feel less lonely.

An i-Thingy can perhaps feel like a ''security blanket'',

but consider this,

is it possible that it can also be viewed as a

''Do Not Disturb'' sign?

Next time you are waiting(for whatever),

why not keep your i-Thingy turned off

and just use your waiting time to 

observe everything around you.

''Life only happens in the Now.''

Funny? Not if someone gets hurt............

 Charlie Chaplin, (above painting) once upon a time was a world

wide known movie star.

Through dark times during the Depression, World War I and II, 

he managed to find a way of allowing mankind some respite

from despair and heartache through his uncanny and wonderful

knack of making us laugh.

 What I find so masterful and insightful about his art is that 

he managed to (and still does) make us laugh at ourselves and all our

idiosyncrasies without any undertones of sarcasm or cynicism.

How often do you laugh?

What would you consider to be ''funny''?

Do you think there is a difference between laughing at verses

laughing with?

There is a theory that suggests that often what we find 

to be funny involves an element of surprise.

(We think we know what will happen next, but then something

else happens instead.)

There seem to be a general consensus that ''laughter is the

best medicine''.

Why?

Well, some say that:

it's good for our blood vessels, our emotional well-being,

it helps with social bonding, makes us more attractive,

lowers our stress and anxiety levels, strengthens our immune

and respiratory systems.

I read somewhere that laughter is about bonding/relationships

rather than a bunch of jokes.

Have you noticed that watching a ''funny'' something together

with others somehow makes it easier to laugh than when

you're on your own?

Actually, if you are sitting alone in a coffee shop, food court, etc.

reading a book, or watching something funny on your

i-Thingy and laughing out loud, 

I'm pretty sure that people will deem you a ''nutter''.

But if there were two of you looking at something,

meh, nothing weird at all.

In 1980, a movie by the title of ''The Gods Must Be Crazy'',

was released and much to the surprise of

critics, audiences world over loved it.

Synopsis: A Coca-Cola bottle dropped from an airplane

raises havoc among a tribe of peaceful African bushmen

who believe the bottle to be a utensil of the Gods.

There is very little talking through the movie,

just a lot of un-expected occurrences taking place,

occurrences that most folks regardless of nationality

 found to be hilarious.

(Including me)

Coming back to laughing with or laughing at, I find

that laughing at is very different from laughing with.

Laughing at often seem to me to be done at someone else's expense.

Laughing with on the other hand, seem to involve the sharing

with someone/others the many absurdities and inconsistencies 

that constitutes human behaviours.

What we may find ''funny'' changes as we age.

Farting is funny when you're 5 years old, embarrassing 

when your 17, uncouth when you're 35, bad form

when you're 54, but then funny again when you're 98. 

Ooopsie!!!

When I was a kid, I was made ''fun'' of for years by

others at school. 

I remember one thing in particular.

For some reason, it was cool to have a large

birthmark. During an inspection by the school nurse

we were stripped down to our underwear. The nurse would then

mark down who had what marks or freckles.

I had none. Nada, zilch, nothing.

So the ''new song'' the bullies chanted was:

''You're not even born, coz you have no mark of birth.''

Funny? Not so much.

Which is why I love much of Charlie Chaplin's

 work. Funny, without being sarcastic or demeaning.

Always infusing his comedy with intelligence,

reflection, and a meaningful message.

If in order to be funny a person feels he/she needs to

''lace'' his/her humor with sarcasm, shame, or criticism,

perhaps he/she may benefit from watching a few

Charlie Chaplin movies.........

and learn a trick or two from the Master.

''Research has shown that laughing for 2 minutes is just

as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in

the park laughing at all the joggers.'' (coolfunnyquotes)

about painting: large canvas, acrylic....

How do we know that we really know someone?

''I wish that for once he would actually hear me. 

Let his guard down, silence his inner critic, and

just listen. 

I would love it if for once in my life

 I was able to really get to

know him, him, not as my father,

but as a fellow human being.''

The young man lets out a sigh, starts his car, throws a quick 

glance in the rear-vision mirror, then begins his

long journey home.

What do we mean when we say that we know somebody?

At what point does it change from knowing things about

somebody to knowing somebody?

As far as I can ascertain, we can know a lot of things about

a lot of people without being able to say that we know them.

Such as:

 Knowing where and when they were born, what their

educational background is, what kind of food or music

they like, etc.etc.etc.
This kind of information may help us to form a basic

understanding of who we think someone may be,

but, without a personal connection or interaction

with that someone,
is it really possible for us to say

that we truly know that someone?

If we want to move from ''knowing about'' someone

to really ''knowing'' someone,
often this necessitates an accumulation 

of shared experiences.

However, shared experiences whether physical

and or emotional in nature, do not necessarily guarantee

that a deeper bond(knowing) will be forged, but potentially, it is

fertile soil in which a personal and deep connection

can spring forth and flourish.

If we really want to know someone, I believe that

we need to forfeit our own assumptions, 

wishes, and illusions about that someone

and instead focus our attention on what is 

actually presented to us.

Come to think of it, how many of us can say 

with certainty that we even know ourselves?

In my younger and more confusing days, many of us
were familiar with the term: ''He/she's left to
go and find him/herself.''
Folks would travel the world, sail the seven seas,
live like hermits in for-ever-reaching deep forests,
brave deserts, drink peyote tea, sweat with shamans,
whirl with the whirling dervishes, hum with
Buddhist monks, submit to silence in abbeys,
and this they would do in order to try to know
the core of who they are.
Often, after long journeys, whether inward or outward,
many of us would discover that to get to know
who we were, we didn't need to travel.
What was needed was to learn how to be still
and sensitive enough to hear our own inner voices.

Getting to know someone, in my view involves
us being willing to let our guard down, to share
intimate parts of ourselves as well as being
sensitive and open-minded toward others when
 or if, they choose to share intimate parts of themselves
with us.
For some of us, to open up and share things
about ourselves which we consider to be
very private, can be quite challenging.
Scary even. But why?
Vulnerability.
Being ''open'', we run the risk of being
hurt. The person we open up to may not
reciprocate, at worst, he/she may make fun
of what we just told him/her.
This happens. It has happened to me many times.
But, if we all clam up because we are afraid of
getting hurt, how can we ever establish friendships,
or any other kind of meaningful relationships?
''Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots
with it. The new goodness that is coming to you
in the form of people, situations, and things
can only come when you are vulnerable,
that is: open.'' (Stephen Russell)

''With the world as with people, you know only

the tiny percentage you pay close attention to.''

(Steve Touthonghi)

about the image: acrylic on canvas, altered in Photoshop

Who is the bogeyman? Facing the ''Shadow''......

The bogeyman.

Exactly who he is and where he comes from seem to

be somewhat mysterious.

But, as far as I can ascertain, he is scary.

Perhaps what makes him so scary is that no one seems to

really know what he looks like, where he comes from and what

he will do to us if he catches us.

Whatever he is and wherever he comes from, folklore tells us

to get as far away as possible from him.

The Scientific American suggests that the bogeyman can be viewed

 as a metaphor for something that to us represents fear, anxiety and danger.

Although known by other names such as: Krampus, jumbie, bhoot,

Baba Yaga, etc., variations of the bogeyman can be found
in many cultures.
Regardless under what name the bogeyman is known,

often he is used as a tool for keeping children in line, for

making them follow ''the rules'',
(whatever they may be according to cultural

ideals).

Although the bogeyman is a folklore, there seem to me to be 

a number of ''bogeymen'' hiding behind quite ordinary looking

facades.(Appearances)

Pleasant and polite at work>>>a tyrant at home

 Loyal and committed in words>>>devious and sneaky in action

Jovial when sober>>>violent when drunk

Loving husband/wife/partner before others eyes>>>

an abuser behind closed doors,

just to give a few examples.

Perhaps the potential for becoming a ''bogeyman'' is possible

for most of us human beings given certain circumstances?

War, for instance, in my view, seem to qualify as such a circumstance.
Atrocities are often carried out under the banner of
fighting the enemy, protecting one's country,
serving one's country, doing one's duty,
etc.etc.
Those in the know say that when we are faced with highly
stressful and threatening circumstances, how we
 respond during such times often affect our behaviour.
At times even to a degree that we respond in ways
that during normal circumstances we would classify as
un-acceptable.
When at war, peace-time values, ethics and morals are reevaluated.
A soldier is sanctioned to murder the enemy, although it is
no longer called murder, it's called killing.
A man/woman who kills 20 people in peace-time
 is called a mass-murderer, a soldier who kills 20 people
in combat is often called a ''hero''.
Whenever there is a war of any kind, it seems to me that
this is when seemingly ordinary folks can turn into bogeymen.
Which is a worry, because when the war is over, where do
they all disappear to?

Perhaps the Bogeyman is what Carl Jung calls the Shadow?
According to Jung the shadow represents the dark side
of our personality that our consciousness doesn't want
to acknowledge.
''Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in
the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser
it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag,
thwarting our most well-meant intentions.''
(Carl Jung)

Okay, if Jung is right, what can be done about
 the shadow(bogeyman within)?
A few suggestions:
Identify your shadow and what triggers it.
When it is triggered, what are your feelings?
Investigate those feelings compassionately.
Try not to confront the shadow, rather, try to
understand it.

''Name the fears that are holding you back.
It's the equivalent of flooding the bogeyman
with light.''
(Gina Greenlee)

about the image: graphite on paper, border made in pxlr

Things are not always what they seem..................

The black cab glides through the deserted city streets.

Reflections from the traffic lights intermittently cover the

rain soaked streets with a multitude of colours.

In the backseat of the cab, a silent, serious looking young man.

Every now and then the cab driver casts a furtive glance

in the rear-view mirror to check on his passenger.

He decides to try and strike up a conversation.

''Aren't you a bit young to be travelling all alone at 

this time of the night?''.

No answer.

''If I was out and about at this time of the night at your age, 

my folks would've had my hide'' the cab driver tries again.

Still no answer.

The cab driver decides to put on the radio.

''Do you like music? I like the swing bands, they really get

me going, you know, The Duke, Goodman, Basie and those cats.''

''Oh, good, the lights turned red, now I can find a good station.''

The cab stops at the lights and the cab driver fiddles with

the knobs on the radio until Benny Goodman's ''Sing, Sing, Sing''

fills the silence.

Still nothing from the passenger in the backseat.

''I tell ya, Goodman really knows how to play that clarinet, don't you think?''

The cab driver throws another glance in the rear-view mirror.

''Sheesh, that's one strange youngster, so damned serious,''

 he mutters under his breath.

Before he had left home for his night-shift, his wife had told him

to not talk too much to his passengers, but, he likes

talking to people, it makes the time pass quicker.

He throws a glance at the meter; 20 dollars.

''You sure you've got the money to pay for this ride? he asks 

his young passenger.

His eyes meets his passenger's eyes in the rear-view mirror.

''Yikes, okay, okay, I get it, you've got the money.''

''Hey, no offense, just making sure, is all."

Lorna is right, I should just zip it, he thinks to himself.

We are almost there now anyway.

Fillmore 2547, East Upper side. Two blocks away.

A few minutes later he pulls up at the Fillmore.

He turns off the meter, turns to face his passenger and then says:

 ''That will be $27.50.''

The passenger hands him a fifty dollar bill, waves his hand as

to indicate that he doesn't want the change, then exits the cab.

As the cab driver slips the bill into his wallet, he throws a quick glance

through the side window of the cab and sees the young

man holding something shiny in his right hand.

Only after the doors to the Fillmore Hotel has closed behind 

the young man, does he realize what the shiny thing is.

    A gun.

about the image: graphite on cardboard with a filter added

Finding beauty.........

Beauty.

What is beauty to you?

A glistening blue ocean, a magical sunset, a pristine forest,

a star lit evening sky, a special piece of music, a ballerina

doing the pas de deau, your child's smile, an elegant equation,

etc.etc.

When we experience something we deem beauty, something

seems to happen to us.

And often, though not always, that ''something'' is an

instinctual emotional response.

Tears may well up in our eyes, our hearts may beat a little

faster, a sense of lightness may flow through our bodies,

we may suddenly feel like dancing, singing, crying, laughing,

etc.etc.

Beauty, it seems, has an ability to bypass our cognition

and lodge itself somewhere inside of us out

of reach from our consciousness.

''His/her/its beauty made me catch my breath, the beauty with which

 they danced across the stage left me breathless,

the beauty of the way the eagle soared across the midnight sky brought

tears to my eyes, the beauty of the opening chord to Tristan and Isolde

pierced my soul, etc.etc.'' 

(just some examples, there are more of course)

Is the ability to appreciate beauty(whatever we may deem to be beauty)

 something we are all born with, or is it something we learn to do?

If we are all born with the ability to appreciate beauty, can that

ability be squashed if it isn't encouraged?

Children, it seems to me, often have their own take on what constitutes ''beauty''.

For a child, a worm, a ferret, a snake, a caterpillar, a ladybug, 

a blowfly, a dandelion, a muddy puddle, a dog with three legs,

etc.etc. can all be things of beauty.

''Mommy, look at me, I look beautiful!'' says the little girl

dressed in black and white spotted gum boots, a purple tutu,

red and white striped tights, a pink and silver coloured

t-shirt, and ruby red lipstick smeared all over her face.

''Daddy, look what I found! I found this beautiful lizard in the garden,

isn't he beautiful, Daddy?'' says the little boy as he holds

up a water dragon for his father to see.

Though I don't know this for sure and have not been able to find

any information to substantiate the validity of this thought, I think that

a child far easier finds beauty in the world around them

then us adults. I have a sneaky feeling that as the years pass, we

become less able(or perhaps willing) to spot beauty in the midst

of our day to day lives.

(Not to mention that these days, the ''ugly'' things us humans 

do to each other and our planet is plastered before our

eyes 24/7 on some screen somewhere.)

The good news is that with very little effort

 we can once again find beauty.

All it takes is for us to take the time to 

look for it without prejudice.

For me, really understanding the words: ''wherever you are, be there''

has helped me to keep a look out for ''beauty'' even in the most

dire of situations.

 Perhaps those words may come in handy for you as well?

I hope so.

Life is full of beauty. Take the time to notice it.

about the painting: It's called ''Glimpses of Beauty''...acrylic on canvas

''Nothing worthwhile was ever achieved without an element of risk."....on opportunity

''Nothing worthwhile was ever achieved without

an element of risk."

Who first said this, or where the quote comes from, I have

no idea. However, regardless of not knowing the origin of the quote,

in my view it has merit.

In order to discover anything new to us, at some point, we often have to

un-zip our established and comfortable mindsets. 

(According to those in the know, consciously we can only

pay attention to one thought at the time, so the only way to

have a new thought is to let go of the old one.)

As a kid, I couldn't stomach celery. The taste of it made me feel

nauseous so I decided that I had to avoid celery for the rest

of my life. So I did, until...someone handed me a celery stick

covered in peanut butter. I love peanut butter, so I decided

to try it. I loved it, not only the peanut butter, but the combination

of the celery and peanut butter. I now love crispy celery on its

own, in salads, and smothered in peanut butter.

I had been given an opportunity to challenge my mindset

concerning celery. There was a risk that I was going to

feel nauseous, but there was also the possibility

that I was going to experience something worthwhile (and tasty).

Being able to quickly to do some form of ''risk assessment'', is

in my view a handy, and from a survival point of view, 

a very useful attribute.

''If I do this (whatever this may be) what is the risk that

it may have ''bad/dire'' consequences?"

Once we have established what we view the consequences to be,

often we then decide whether we are willing to ''risk it'' or not.

But here is the thing as I see it; it can be easy to pay so much

attention to the ''risky bits'' that we forget to consider possible

opportunities that may be available to us as well.

Trying something new always carries with it the possibility/risk of

''failing, making a fool of ourselves, falling flat on our face, being 

laughed at, seem stupid, etc.etc.''

This is true, this may happen, but it may not. 

People we now call friends were once strangers, 

skills we now have, were acquired on the back of ''mistakes'',

''exotic'' foods we now love (sushi, pizza, Asian food, Mexican, etc.etc)

we learnt to love by taking the risk of trying some.

Countries we now love to visit, we have learned to love by taking

the risk of leaving our home countries with all their comforts and

familiarities.

Opportunities, even when there may be some risk involved, become

visible to us when we ask: ''Yes, there is some risk involved, but what

if there are some amazing opportunities as well?

Taking a ''risk'' and taking a ''calculated risk'', may I suggest

are two different things.

If we do a ''risk assessment'' before we go ahead and do

something, in my view, that would constitute taking a calculated risk.

Running a red traffic light, that in my view is plain risky. (There are too 

many variables at stop lights to be able to do a ''true'' risk assessment.

I guess perhaps one could say that the opposite of a ''calculated risk'',

is ''gambling''.)

Risk averse, though many of us may be and perhaps rightly so,

I still believe it may be useful for us to consider:

''Nothing worthwhile was ever achieved without

an element of risk.''

''The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity.

The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.''

(Winston Churchill)

''You can measure opportunity with the same 

yardstick that measures the risk involved.

They go together.''

(Earl Nightingale)

''Life may be risky business,

but that doesn't mean we shouldn't live it.''

(Citizen Z)

about the painting: acrylic on canvas

The face peeking through the zip is Andy Warhol

What is beauty? In my opinion, a horse......

''I call horses ''divine mirrors'' - they reflect back the emotions

you put in. If you put in love and respect, kindness and curiosity,

the horse will return that.'' (Allan Hamilton)

Some folks see a horse and somehow instantly get an urge to want to

control it, to harness and use its power, in short,

subjugate it.

Why??

A few days ago a ''behind the scene'' reportage on what happens

to many race horses after they stop racing aired here in Australia.

One after the other blood curdling image of the violence that

the horses were subjected to rolled before our eyes.

WHY?

Surely these noble creatures who have served mankind for thousands 

of years one way or another, deserve better.

From a horse's mouth

I am a horse, no more no less.

And I have served you, 

given you my best.

At sunup, at sundown,

I've never let you down,

with you on my back,

hurtling across the ground.

I have pulled heavy carts,

canons, guns and other parts,

endured weeks of battles

tho bullets around me did dart.

I have endured times of hunger,

times without a moments slumber,

no roof over my head,

through rain, storm and thunder.

I have been prodded, 

I've been whipped,

my hooves fettered, 

my teeth chipped.

Now that I'm old

and my gait quite slow.

My question is this:

Two-legged beast, 

what will you do now? 

(Citizen Z)

I am not a ''horse'' person, I don't ride, I don't

go to races, I don't have anything to do with horses at all

except for loving them.

They are beautiful creatures that pose absolutely no threat

to human beings. On the contraire, we are a threat to them.

Consider with me:

''What is a man without the beasts?

If all the beasts were gone, man would

die from a great loneliness of the spirit.

For whatever happens to the beasts,

soon happens to man.

All things are connected.''

(Chief Seattle)

''The horse, with beauty unsurpassed, strength immeasurable

and grace unlike any other, still remains humble enough

to carry a man upon his back.''

(Amber Senti)

ps. Have you watched the movie ''The Horse whisperer''? 

It's worth a look.

(about the painting: ink on water colour paper)

Give peace a chance.....and let go of the ego

The peace sign was first used in 1958, designed by British

artist Gerald Holtom.

He made it for a Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament march,

but the sign has since come to represent peace in general.

World Peace. Is it a possibility?

According to many Miss Universe hopefuls, world peace is

often quoted as being their number one priority.

There is such a thing as an International Day of Peace, often

called ''World Peace day'', observed annually on the 21 September.

However, the number of countries committed to observing it each

year is information I unfortunately could not find.

(Perhaps there is no actual number.)

If we mean ''the absence of any conflict, violence and/or hostility'' when

we use the term peace, then in my view, world peace is

not possible. Which does not mean that world peace is not

something to strive towards, it most definitely is,

I am just not so sure that human beings are capable

of making it happen.

A disagreement, a difference of opinion, a misunderstanding, can

easily escalate into a conflict, which can easily escalate into hostility

and violence of some kind.(verbal and/or physical)

And it does not take much sometimes for a serious conflict to arise:

''My team is the best! What? No way, my team is way better.

Hip-hop is the best music! What?? You're crazy, Metal rules!

That's my parking spot! That's my seat! You cheated!

I wasn't ready! etc.etc.etc.''

The smallest of a perceived slight can start a fight.

With someone we love, with a friend, with a colleague,

 with a family member, even with a stranger.

The ego, a pesky critter that we all possess,

often has a short fuse and it doesn't take much for it

to take a hold of our emotions and ability to think and behave

rationally.

''The ego is only an illusion, but a very influential one. Letting

the ego illusion become your identity can prevent you from

knowing your true self. Ego, the false idea that what you

have or what you do, is a backwards way of assessing and

living your life.'' (Wayne Dyer)

Gandhi: ''Be the change you want to see in the world.''

World peace, that's a tall order for any one person to achieve,

but becoming a peaceful person, is in my view 

 very possible.

The rambunctious ego can be managed and subdued

with a little help of mindfulness and self-reflection.

For instance:

Give up trying to ''control'' people and outcomes.

Find some time, even if just a few minutes here and there, to be still.

(Turn off all i-Thingy's)

Try to be open-minded and not engage in absolutism.

(Black and white thinking) Do some self-reflection,

and review your positions/opinions now and then.

Try to be tolerant towards others and yourself.

Let go of the past and embrace the now.

If we were to decide to seek peace and co-operation,

tolerance and open-mindedness rather than to be ''right''

as our primary goal, wouldn't that be great?

Coz maybe then, we would be able

to give peace a chance.

about the image: Teddy makes a stand for peace. 

Ink and water colour on paper. Edited in Photoshop.

Hearts need to be handled with care..........

Is it easier to say No, than to say Yes?

Is it easier to be critical than to be encouraging?

Is it easier to find flaws than to find good points?

Is it easier to be judgmental than to be open-minded?

These are questions I have asked myself many times.

I have also asked myself what it may do to a child who

from an early age is subjected to harsh criticism, judgments,

and reminded of their flaws and failings at every turn.

What happens to the heart of a child who is criticized

but seldom encouraged, who has his/her flaws pointed out but seldom

 his/her strengths, his/her mistakes punished but his/her

successes seldom rewarded, his/her tears belittled and scoffed at,

but seldom dried by a compassionate hand?

I think we all know what happens.

A heart, constantly subjected to ''poisoned'' arrows (words),

often has no other choice than to harden itself in order

to survive and this, can often have dire consequences.

Words are powerful. 

With words we can light someone up from the inside out,

 or we can cause damage that leaves irreparable scars.

The heart, (in my view) is that innermost center of our emotions, 

our beings, that still inner voice that guides us, often strong yet

simultaneously also fragile.

(Much like an egg. Place an egg tip to tip between your

thumb and your index finger and try to squash it.

It will not be squashed.

However, the slightest knock to the side of the

egg will crack it.)

In my view, I think that as parents we often get so busy that

we can forget how literally children often interpret

what we say. 

In the heat of busyness we may say something like: ''Watch what

you're doing, don't be so clumsy!''

The child may hear that as: Mum/dad thinks that I am clumsy and clumsy

people are no good. Mum/dad thinks that I am no good.

As adults, we often hide behind sarcasm in order to get away

with saying something hurtful without having to be responsible

for the hurt we may cause.

''Is that what you are going to wear?''

''You don't own a hairbrush?''

''I guess ignorance is bliss.''

If the person looks upset at hearing those words,

usually the person who made the sarcastic remark responds with:

''What? Can't you take a joke?''

Which commonly makes the upset person feel even more upset.

We follow our hearts, we open our hearts,

we listen to our hearts, and 

we often take things people say to heart.

Which is why I believe that it is very important

that when we speak, we are mindful of the words we use.

Especially with children.

A child's heart is tender and needs encouragement and support

just as much as steady and clear instructions.

It may be easier to just say no, but an explanation for the reason 

for the no may be more helpful. 

It may be easier to be critical and point out the flaws,

 but pointing out the positives and suggesting

 where improvements can be done may be more helpful.

It may be easier to be judgmental and follow a black and white

mindset, but offering alternative viewpoints may be more

helpful.

''Children learn more from what you are,than what you teach.''

(W.E.B. Du Bois)

The importance of our narratives........

The above image is....well, exactly what is it?

For many of us, when we look at an image we want to

know what it is supposed to depict. (A narrative)

(Is it a representation of something ''real'', does it have

an underlying meaning, is the artist trying to say something

specific with the image?)

Non-representative (abstract) art however, does not offer us a clear

narrative, rather, if anything, it often offers us fragments,

and that at times, can be quite confrontational.

''We never look at just one thing, we are always looking at the

relation between things and ourselves.'' (John Berger)

A child comes home from school and excitedly exclaims: ''Mummy, 

look what I painted today, I painted my happy feelings!''

The child hands the mother a piece of paper.

''Look! Doesn't this look like happy feelings!'' says the child beaming

with pride.

The mother looks at the piece of paper in her hand, 

conscious of that what she says next may be crucial

for her child's creative development.

She opts for enthusiasm: ''Wonderful, darling, good job! Let's

put it on the fridge for the others to see.''

When we look at a work of art, whether it is a painting, sculpture,

photograph, or an installation, etc., often our first response is to ascertain

how ''realistic'' we think it is. '

''That's so good, it looks so real!'' is a common response. 

Another common response is: ''What's this supposed to be? 

Looks like something a kid could do. I don't get it.''

(There are many terms we use in our everyday conversations that

we regard as ''real'' and ''actual''  phenomenon such as mind, consciousness,

reality, emotions, thoughts, etc.etc. although we have no physical evidence

 which we can utilize to actually prove empirically that such exist.)

When my son was in grade one he did a painting that I loved, but his

teacher did not. In his painting, the sky was red, not blue, the trees

had purple trunks and orange foliage, the house was white with enormous

windows and a tiny door, and the ''grass'' was dark gray and not green.

My, interpretation of my son's painting was that he had a great imagination,

his teacher, told me that she was worried about him since he seemed 

to not be able to see things ''as they really are''.

Alas, my son's first abstract painting.

The word abstract comes from a Latin word meaning ''detached from reality''.

Which to me is kind of funny, since ''reality'' for me is a term/concept which

only exists in the ''abstract'', and its very definition depends on a subjective

point of view.

 (There may be as many ''realities'' as there are human beings.

Or, there may be two realities which we inhabit simultaneously; 

 one only you know and inhabit, 

and a collective reality in which all of us function daily.)

For a child, painting happy feelings may be no more abstract than

being told that 2+2=4 . The child may ask: what is a number? who decided

what a number is? 

Or a child may ask: why do rainbows suddenly disappear?

Or, the child may ask: why do I feel funny when Bobby doesn't want to

play with me? It feels like pain, but I can't see where the pain is.

Those in the know say that we understand life through

stories/narratives. 

Narratives we tell ourselves, and narratives others tell us.

Our narratives help us understand our place in the world

and how to makes sense out of it.

When we view a work of art onto which we cannot

place any part of our narrative, it becomes ''abstract'' to us, hence,

it makes no sense.

While visiting a Surrealist Exhibition with a friend, 

we came across an installation that puzzled my friend.

''This installation makes no sense'', she said.

Look at it, it's just bits and pieces all over the place.''

I looked at the installation, and then I looked at the shadows

on the ceiling that was created by the bits and pieces.

''Look at the ceiling, Mags, what do you see?'' I said.

''Aah,'' she said, '' it's a sitting room!''

''Now I get it!''

She had her narrative, and the installation was no longer abstract.

''Abstraction allows man to see with his mind 

 what he cannot physically see with his eyes.''

(Arshile Gorky)

PS: The above image is a photo of water flowing across seaweed

covered rocks, with bubbles floating on top.

No editing, just straight from the lens on an

analogue camera.

Old is a mindset, aging is what happens to our bodies......

At the end of the movie, the once powerful man finds

himself unable to breathe without the help of an oxygen tank.

No matter how powerful he had once been, he, just like the

rest of us, was(is) powerless to prevent the aging process from taking

place.

Aging, is something that starts from the moment we are conceived,

however, I think for many of us, aging is something that we associate with

''old people''.

Exactly what is an old person? Ask a three year old, and an old person

is someone older than them, which may be an older sibling who is

10 years old, or his/her parents who may be in their 20's.

A teenager may consider someone in their 40's an old person,

someone in their 40's may consider someone in their 60's

as an old person, etc. etc.

The Urban dictionary: ''Old is when you are told to slow down by

your doctor instead of the police.

Old is when ''getting lucky'' means you can find your car in the car park.''

Like with so many words, how we define the word ''old'' varies from

person to person, and culture to culture.

Some say that ''old'' has to do with our mindset, whereas ''aging'' is what

happens to our bodies.

So, hypothetically, it seems to me that it is quite possible

 to be an ''aged'' person, yet not be ''old''.

(As far as I can ascertain, mindsets can be altered regardless of a 

person's physical age.)

So what do I mean with mindset? 

A person's way of thinking and his/her opinions,

a person's frame of mind, a person's default mental attitude/state of mind,

a person's way of processing information.....etc.

Physical aging may be inevitable, but the ''age'' of our mindsets can remain

''youthful'' and flexible as long as we so choose. 

(Unless we suffer with some form of dementia.)

If we view the aging process as something ''negative'', 

something to fight against, then it can be difficult to consider 

potential ''positives''. 

Mindset in my view, is paramount to how we experience the aging process.

Instead of focusing our attention on what we perhaps no longer can do,

we can turn our minds to what we can do.

''I can still walk, although not as fast, I can still read, but I need my

glasses, I can still hear, but I need my hearing aids, I can still

enjoy a swim, although not as far, I can still enjoy a meal, a conversation,

a game of cards, a concert, a movie etc. with good friends, etc.etc.''

(In some cultures less obsessed with body image, 

attributes such as insight, wisdom, experience, perspective, 

and knowledge, are often valued.

 Since such attributes more often than not are obtained through life

 experiences and years under the belt, elders in such 

societies are often viewed with respect and high regard.)

There is a myth that most old people are grumpy people.

I use the word ''myth'' because according to research, older people are no 

more likely to be grumpy or crotchety than anyone else.

Actually, some research shows the opposite.

Whether someone is grumpy or not, has more to do with

personality and mindset than age.

''If we view every day as an awakening, we will never grow old,

we will just keep growing.''  (Gail Sheedy)

 Our bodies, much like the body of a well-used car, will eventually 

wear out. We may replace parts, re-paint the body, do touch-up jobs

here and there, but without a working engine, we will not go far.

A car with a ''scrappy'' looking body but with a well-working engine, 

is still appreciated and useful,

however, a car with a good-looking body but with a low-functioning

engine....not so much.

How great it is that if we so want, 

we can renew our mindsets

each and every day

regardless of what

our bodies look like!

About the image: It is a sketch made with graphite on tracing paper and

 then edited in Photoshop and Pxlr.

The movie was about a man who who spent his life in the 

pursuit of power, money, and control and with little time for

love and compassion. In the last scene he sits in a chair hooked up

to all kinds of machines, drips, and oxygen tanks.

Alone. And very bitter.