I really thought I was going to pass out.
Sweat was pouring out of every orifice on my body
and my crispy dried lips were covered in salt crystals.
My throat was so dry that I could no longer speak
only croak ''how much further!?!?!!''
-Ah, well, there's a Golden Arches just up the road, he
said without even taking his eyes of the road.
Having been on tour with him before I knew that
in Australia ''up the road'' could mean anything
between five or 505 kilometers ''up the road''.
-Come on man, how far away in time? I'm dying here.
-Keep your shirt on mate, maybe half an hour, he answered.
What shirt? It was far too hot to wear a shirt.
When he offered me the gig(music) telling me that I would get
the chance to see a bit of ''real'' Australia I
should have asked him real as in....? and is the
van airconditioned?
Well, no it wasn't, but as we had departed at 2am
and it was not that hot then, I just didn't
think of it.
Besides, the first five hours Danny, Peter and
I were happily chatting away and making song lists.
I had never worked with Danny before so we
had to figure out what songs we all knew.
As time kept marching on the temperature
kept stomping up the thermometer
as did the heat in the van.
As our non-airconditioned Mitsubishi van
hummed its way through a slowly changing landscape
the heat intensified and by the time
we stopped to get some gas, I felt
as if all my ''innards'' were well and truly
cooked.
Unfortunately, the further outback we travelled
the less we saw proper gas stations with
air-conditioned ''eateries'' attached and more
and more just two pumps and a small
non-airconned ''only the necessities'' shop
connected to it.
Slowly, gone were the miles and miles of
enormous fields of deep green sugar cane stalks
which we had been driving through for hours.
Sadly replaced by scraggly, prickly gray coloured
bushes and off-yellow dead ''messy'' grass.
Now and then we would pass a ''homestead''
of sorts. Usually having a very long driveway
leading up to it, and often with a couple of car
skeletons decorating the non-existing front lawn.
-Hey bro, can you see that? Danny suddenly
exclaimed excitedly.
Having dozed off for a spell, Danny's voice
woke me up and as I stared out the windscreen I
could see a Big Golden M. Finally!!!
-Let's go through the drive thru, said Peter.
-Hell No! I yelled. I'm going inside! Where
there is air-conditioning and icy cold water.
-Park the damn vehicle and let me out!! I bellowed.
As soon as the van stopped I jumped out
and headed for air-conned bliss.
After two hours of cooling down I was
eventually willing to move on.
What I came to realize during our four
day tour was that not only is Australia
a deadly country due to its critters and
well, almost everything, the Sun is
absolutely deadly and not to be taken
lightly.
After what seemed as forever we eventually
arrived at the gig. Drenched with perspiration
and absolutely parched.
Since we were playing two nights consecutively, we
had been given free accommodation
in a tiny and somewhat dingy little motel.
Each of us had our own room although they
were more like ''cells'' since they had no windows.
But what hey, they were air-conned!!!!
Before we headed back again, I made sure that we
had a four litre bottle of water in an esky(cold bag)
filled with ice with us.
When we came back I decided that I was never going
to go on a tour, mini or large, anywhere near
the edge of the desert again.
What little I have seen of the desert in real life, it's enough
for me to decide that no matter how beautiful
and magical the Australian outback/desert may be...
My preference is to enjoy its beauty and magic
on screen, on a photograph, in a book, in a movie
or a doco, comfortably ensconced in air-conned
bliss with oodles and oodles of icy cold water
to drink.
''The Australian Outback is vast and spell-binding
and heart-stoppingly beautiful....(Tim Minchin)
''Australia is like Jack Nicholson.
It comes right up to you and laughs
very hard in your face in a
highly threatening and engaging
manner.''
(Douglas Adams)
about the image: acrylic on wood board
''The Outback''
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